more lies....prostitutes

[no1idiot]

I am in two minds even about posting as I am so embarassed. I had posted earlier thread about finding out husband had had affair at Easter. Got advice from here and trundled on. Things seemed to be better then they had been for ages though he was not as remorseful as I felt he would have been.

cut to the chase..I have found out he has been using prostitutes over the last 3 years minimum (20-30 of them?) mainly during the working day, some local to us, while travelling abroad and even fitting them in (excuse the pun) en route from a meeting at someones office back to work. Sometimes they were not individuals.:( They are all pre booked significantly in advance (the ones abroad a couple of weeks before he travelled). He has definitely liasied with some since I found out about the affair although he says that he never met up with them. However he was looking up the details of massage parlours for the country he is travelling too in a few weeks (though he says this was just web surfing for "something to do"!) They are all in their 20's and by the look of their "pages" look better then I have done at any point in my entire life.

He said it meant nothing. He has been really stupid. He loves the children (and me-yeah right) He wants another chance. He knows he has a problem. It will NEVER happen again. etc blah blah He appears very remorseful. But I am never going to have piece of mind am I? Is there any way past this?

I have been in a previous emotionally abusive reationship and I am pretty sure the way I think about things is not the "norm". If I tried hard enough I suspect I could even normalise this behaviour. Am I nuts even to be considering a way past this? Is there even one poster on here that would be considering this?

Obviously (my opinion) he needs some sex therapy (and I don't means the type he has been getting!). What shall I do? The only thing I do know is I cannot just gloss over this. Even if I want us to get past this (do I?) should he move out? There is noone I can talk to in RL.

I sound light hearted and jovial? Funny what fronts we can put on is n'it? I am dying inside.

i am so sorry to hear this. how are you doing?

just for my two penneth - my beautiful aunt found out her husband cheated on her in her twenties and thirties - and has now found out that he has cheated in his sixties too! she is devastated.

i'm just saying, if you're in it for the long haul you may have to factor in heartbreak further down the line, and weigh that against what he is offering you.

also, have you got separate bank account, savings etc? my hubby is borderline cheating, if not actually cheating, at the mo, and i can't tell you what a boost it has been to set up my finances separately, like an escape shoot. it has boosted my self-esteem massively.

also don't forget to treat yourself really well during this time of stress - manicures, facials, just half an hour in the bath with a magazine. you deserve it and need it to get you through.

big hugs.

i think you should re read your original post. just keep reading that when you think you dont know what to do.

he says he wont do it again, but he is still looking up details of massage parlours for a trip in a few weeks??

he will not stop doing this, you know it. he might try to tell you he will, he might even believe it himself for a while, but i dont think this man has any intention of stopping, whether you stay or not.