It's about sex ... please do not read if you are eating

[abbdabb]

Some things I like, some things I don't.

'D'H interprets this as rules & taboos, he believes if he wants to do something he should be able to even it's a turn off for me, if I don't he feels emasculated and supressed. Nothing major.

Apart from when he spat in my mouth during sex.

He says I have issues, low libido, I am sexually repressed, I need counselling, etc ...

I'm not & I don't!!! (good) sex has always been important to me & it was bloody fantastic with my ex.

Shouldn't sex be about mutual respect?? Am I really abnormal thinking it should be something that's enjoyable for both partners??

Thanks for the advice. He's away on a course until friday, so I have some space to think.

I was seriously begining to think he was right & doubting myself, which is a big red alert danger sign.

(dittany - he doesn't look like my dad, just looks old enough to be my dad! My dad's black & built like the preverbial brick ... ..., DH ... isn't )

Don't know if he watches porn, if he did, surely a 59yo man would be grown up enough to know it's not real??? he does shave his pubes though, so maybe.

he shaves his pubes...all of them or just his balls? My Dh does his balls as he thinks it makes his willy look bigger!

gapants - all of them. bit prickly.

He shaves his pubes... aged FIFTY-NINE.... Defo a serious porn user.

He sounds sick, and very controlling. I'd be outta there.

My dh is 18 years older than me, I have been with him since I was 21 and he was 39, that was 8 years ago.
Age has nothing at all to do with it, if your husband respected you than he would want to do things that pleased you in the bedroom and made you happy.
He sounds like a right pig tbh, and extremely controlling and manipulative.

Agree with Dessie - my DH is 15 years older than me and would never treat me with such disrespect and disregard.

Gross...i would have punched his lights out.

I dont think its a very sexual thing to do..is it not classed as assault if somone spits on you.

I see others have said it already but from the first post I thought "this man uses a LOT of porn". Not necessarily a bad thing, but if he wants to try all the stuff he watches, then it becomes a bad thing. The spitting is just icky. Icky icky icky.

I dont think sex is so much about boundaries but about respect, about talking about things you want to try and if one partner does not want to you don't go there.

Sometimes you might try something once but decide you don;t like it so don't do it again.

Like any part of a relationship sex too is about compromise.

Give Woman's Aid a call while he's out.. they'll help you get your mind around what you want to do next.

I think that's the priority, but just in case any of his crap has seeped into your brain have you ever read or listened to Dan Savage? He's a (gay, very strong language using, american) agony uncle who talks mostly about sex. He's very open about any practice you can imagine and probably many many more you had no idea were possible AND puts the highest focus on communication, respect for your partner & yourself, being open to try things that stretch your comfort zone but in now way putting the guilt / pressure / control trip you're seeing here. Just in case you wanted a very sex positive ally that would totally support your right the have 'some things you like, some things you don't.' That would be standard for every human out there, wouldn't it?

A therapist would also help. Not help you get rid of your boundaries , but help you think about proper boundaries and respectful behaviour and think about whether this marriage is a good place for you to be.

Re-reading your title, OP, I would respectfully suggest that this is not about sex, or at least not just about sex. It's about the fact that your husband thinks you are property and insists on degrading physical acts in order to, no pun intended, ram home that message.

I hope the break has helped.

You could always develop a new interest in waterwork sex, see if he handles that :o

Nah...its all about respect and boundaries. If he wanted to do that he should have mentioned if first...but he knew you'd say no (as would most people) so he did it anyway.

Ditch the 59 yr old child pronto.

Haven't the time to read all the rest of the replies, sorry, but your partner sounds like an absolute twat with a nice sideline in sexual battery (in the true sense of the word)

You should fucking dump him immediately

If you don't, you are very foolish

Leave

He is revolting - you seem human

I had someone spit in my mouth once - well actually all over my face, discusting bastard that he was. I was so shocked I let him get on with it . That relationship didn't last long.....

If a man ever even tried to spit anywhere near me; never mind in a sexual position; I would walk as fast as I could carry myself.

This sounds hideous. So sorry - but you are on the case now - so good.

I was wondering if there's a further, racist element to this? Upthread you say your Dad's a big black guy and your h is very different. You might mean your h is a small black guy, or you may be adopted of course - but just thinking.

Whatever, therapy will help YOU identify issues and, I imagine, re-confirm what your instinct is telling you - if you feel this is necessary.

A boyfriend spat in my face once. Turns out he was mentally ill and didn't like me very much....