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Original poster

It's about sex ... please do not read if you are eating

121 replies

abbdabb · 07/06/2011 11:22

Some things I like, some things I don't.

'D'H interprets this as rules & taboos, he believes if he wants to do something he should be able to even it's a turn off for me, if I don't he feels emasculated and supressed. Nothing major.

Apart from when he spat in my mouth during sex.

He says I have issues, low libido, I am sexually repressed, I need counselling, etc ...

I'm not & I don't!!! (good) sex has always been important to me & it was bloody fantastic with my ex.

Shouldn't sex be about mutual respect?? Am I really abnormal thinking it should be something that's enjoyable for both partners??

OP posts:
fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 07/06/2011 11:46

I'd be getting rid of him if he couldn't respect my sexual boundaries.

Sorry for doubting you.

But been there, done that, got the t-shirt with a man who wouldn't stop if I asked him, believed it was all about what he wanted and couldn't have cared less if I liked/disliked/was interested.

Tell him to shape up and start treating you properly or ship out.

Original poster
abbdabb · 07/06/2011 11:47

That's the thing, Carey, he thinks it's abnormal to have boundaries.

I didn't know about the whole 'spit/dribble' thing before we got married. He's very sulky if we don't have sex when I have my period. He's 19 years older than me.

OP posts:
MilkandWine · 07/06/2011 11:47

Sounds like he has an obsession with his own body fluids quite frankly. I would be really turned off by that as well OP, you have every right to refuse.
If it's his fetish then that's fair enough, nowt you can do about that I suppose. But he SHOULD have enough respect for you to appreciate that you don't want to share and drop the subject.
I consider myself pretty open minded but if a partner asked me to spit their cum back into there mouth I would be vomming until a week next Tuesday! Poor you Sad

MilkandWine · 07/06/2011 11:48

Their mouth sorry.

Gay40 · 07/06/2011 11:48

It is about boundaries, really. Spitting isn't my thing, it might be someone else's and I don't much care what people get up to behind their bedroom door in private, as long as they BOTH like it.
If you clearly don't like a thing, then it shouldn't take place. And any normal person would respect that.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 07/06/2011 11:50

Sex on period is easy sorted, well the mess anyway, I keep saying it on here but beppy tampons work really well, seal the opening and keep everything out of the way. Wouldn't do it the first day or two because I get terrible cramps, but works once the worst of the flow is over.

But that's only IF YOU WANT TO. He needs to learn that you are entitled to your personal boundaries and he should respect them.

DP is nearly 16 years older than me, and if treated me like that I'd be kicking his sorry ass out so fast he wouldn't know what had hit him.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/06/2011 11:50

I have been embrassingly promiscuous extraordinarily free with my favours and have never, ever had someone spit in or on me for kicks.

Like carey says - is it even a thing?

Not that there should be a list, but if there was one this would go under Highly Specialist.

He sounds charming Hmm

Original poster
abbdabb · 07/06/2011 11:51

The running commentary goes something like:' I saw you, I knew I would marry you, you were wearing ... I said ... blaa blaa blaa'. He obviously finds it a turn on, does get a bit repetative AFTER 10 YEARS. I just zone out.

OP posts:
Original poster
abbdabb · 07/06/2011 11:55

I meant 10 yrs together, not the sex lasting 10 years Blush. (that was my ex Grin)

OP posts:
ScarlettIsWalking · 07/06/2011 11:57

Disgusting. More so because he knows you don't like it! The feeling is not mutual. I would be really turned off and that is not great for the marriage.

idlevice · 07/06/2011 11:58

Does he use porn? He may have got the idea from that. Spitting is everywhere in readily-available mainstream porn, along with slapping, grabbing, faux-choking, generally being really rough with mutual respect not appearing to get a look in. It is thoroughly apalling at what is freely available & presented as normal.

RudeEnglishLady · 07/06/2011 11:59

Oh dear, that sounds awful. I once had a boyfriend that said things like that he became morbidly jealous and controlling. Not that I'm saying your DH is but its definately strange. Is he a bit obsessive? Sorry.

CareyFakes · 07/06/2011 12:00

Cripes, that'd get on my tits the running commentary.

I don't mind a bit of saliva on the old Vajayjay to moisten it up and so forth, but if my partner spat on my fanny or in my mouth, heeeeeelllll no.

No, I'd be seriously considering the whole marriage thing.

gapants · 07/06/2011 12:00

well his sexual preferences aside, you are not into so it should stop. That is basically it.

PhilipJFry · 07/06/2011 12:00

So, is this how he sees things?

-When you don't want to do something, it isn't about your desires and preferences, it's about what is being denied to him.

-When you say no to something you're suppressing him. You asserting what you don't like is a negative thing.

-If something turns you off, it doesn't matter, because it turns him on and that's more important than your desires.

-If you're not doing what he wants then it's not a sign that you are an individual with personal desires that may differ from his, it's a sign that you've got a broken libido and have mental health issues.

-Boundaries are abnormal...sorry, I can't figure this one out. Is this because he thinks he should be able to do what he wants when he wants?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/06/2011 12:03

He doesn't believe in boundaries, or he doesn't believe his wife should have boundaries? Because he sounds like he thinks he owns you.

Presumably he doesn't believe that a bloke on the street should be able to bend him over and do him from behind, so he does believe in boundaries. I'm going to bet that he also doesn't believe that you should fuck anyone you want, right? What's his position on incest, bestiality, necrophilia?

So he does believe in boundaries. He just doesn't want you to have any.

He does realise that coverture ceased to exist a very long time ago, doesn't he?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 07/06/2011 12:04

People spit on something/ someone when they are disgusted by them (not that it is acceptable behaviour but I am just thinking of other situations when someone can do such thing). Clearly your husband enjoys humiliating you and thinking you are beneath him. I think it's time to reevaluate your relationship. This is not something to be swept under the carpet.

MilkandWine · 07/06/2011 12:04

Maybye you should start your own running commentary of 'When I first saw you 10 years ago, I had no idea you would be forcing me into sex acts against my will and calling me repressed'

See how he bloody likes that, what a tit Angry

buzzsore · 07/06/2011 12:11

Gross. You don't have to put up with this, and it's not normal.

Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable - if he's not put off a sexual act by knowing you don't want to do it, there's something wrong with him.

Original poster
abbdabb · 07/06/2011 12:15

Phillip - yes, that just about sums him up.

He thinks I'm the one with the problem. I didn't think I had a problem, but I do - its 'D'H.

Tortoise - I have brought up the 'ownership' thing, it's as though he thinks he is 'owed' sex. It's his to have.

OP posts:
fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 07/06/2011 12:18

Abbdabb - my ex was like this, he believed he had a 'right' to sex, a right to use my body as he saw fit. He didn't believe in rape in marriage, he didn't believe I had the right to say no. He didn't believe that he had to make any effort to find out what I liked or didn't like and if I asked him to stop something he took it as a personal insult.

It was always all about HIM about what he wanted, how he liked it, what worked best for him. And many many times I didn't say no because there wasn't any point, I became the best sleep faker you ever saw, and I could get him off in 10seconds flat, I learnt the best way to get the sex over and done with asap.

But eventually I couldn't do it anymore. He's the ex.

TeddyMcardle · 07/06/2011 12:18

Tortoise has said what I was thinking, how can somebody not believe in boundaries? So if you want to use a strap-on on him he has to do it if he doesn't want to? If you want to sleep with someone else that's ok? If you want to seriously hurt him it's alright as long as it turns you on?

How about your new thing is biting down during a bj, really hard.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/06/2011 12:18

Even the 'I knew I would marry you', repeated over and over, gives me that impression, like "I saw you and knew I would have you". And the age difference just intensifies it - not that age differences are bad per se, but in this context.

And yes, the whole 'emasculated' thing is a pretty clear statement that he believes that an intrinsic part of being a man is having unfettered access to a female body.

Are you not very bothered by this? I would be very, very bothered. Like, deal breaker bothered.

Omigawd · 07/06/2011 12:24

ewwww gross as the Americans say. I've never heard of that one before. Also never heard of reciting the "when we met" litany while on the job. You learn something every day!

A bit of spit down below to get things going is fine, but much better if its put on directly with the tongue :o

EricNorthmansMistress · 07/06/2011 12:25

You poor thing :(