Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

men dating much younger women

43 replies

MrsMiniver · 02/06/2011 18:16

I've met an interesting, very attractive guy online and we've arranged a date. He's 55 and I'm 53. I've just noticed on his profile that he wants to meet women between the ages of 38 and 52 only. He thinks I'm 52 because I put that on my profile by mistake (honest!)

I'm quite comfortable about telling him I'm really 53 but what do you think about a guy who'd date so young and thinks someone 2 years younger is too old for him? I know what I think and am not sure I want to go ahead and meet him now.

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 02/06/2011 18:34

I'm always astounded by this, MrsM.

Really, if he's prepared to go down by 17 years, he should be prepared to go up, too, so 38-72?

Put it to him on the date!

I bet he says "I'm so young for my age, most women my age seem so much older."

keynesian · 02/06/2011 18:44

Just because he wants to doesn't mean he will though!

Maybe he's using the 'rule' of half the man's age plus ten?

Original poster
MrsMiniver · 02/06/2011 18:49

Could be..should I meet him then and fess up immediately but point out to him I'm still younger than him?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 02/06/2011 19:29

I don't see what the hell your age is to do with him, really. He will always be older - recite that like a mantra. And if he's that bothered, would you really be interested in him?

Vicky2011 · 02/06/2011 22:52

I wouldn't tell him, chances are he's 58 anyway.

ninah · 02/06/2011 23:11

I know it's out of context but I'm basking in 38 being described as 'so young'
that makes me young-ish lol
I'd see what he has to say for himself, these dating sites are so formulaic, you'll be able to judge him much better when you actually meet him
good luck - interesting and attractive are much better than I ever managed online!

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2011 01:16

My dp is 14yrs older than me Grin

heleninahandcart · 03/06/2011 01:41

is entirely typical of men our age. I personally wouldn't date any man who openely stated he wanted a 'younger' women, they should at least include my age range to within a couple of years. At best its smacks of insecurity on their part.

Its also none of his business how old you are at this stage, its only a year and you 'forgot' whatever. Its basically irrelevant in the overall scheme of things. If he tries to bring it up later then he is a twat.

Still chat to him, see what he is like. He may have put this as he wants someone lively, from what I gather a common complaint is that women on some sites are not very interested in doing much. So, proceed but with caution! it should be fun to ask him about this when you meet :)

ohmyfucksy · 03/06/2011 01:56

Don't really see why 38 is 'so young'. I don't think someone of 38 is mentally that different to someone of 55. If he had put 20 -50 then I would have been more sceptical.

People are entitled to put what age ranges they are attracted to on their profile

I'm sure he's not going to care about one year more though

BooyHoo · 03/06/2011 02:00

well i am 24 and when i was on match i set my age range from 25-50. i wouldn't rule out the right person just because they were twice my age. why should he rule out people because they are half his age?

ComradeJing · 03/06/2011 02:33

My DH is also 14 years older. I never liked men my age, his 'soul' seems younger than mine (ie he mucks about and is ready for a laugh more) and you don't choose who you fall in love with.

TheBlindAssassin · 03/06/2011 07:48

"Really, if he's prepared to go down by 17 years, he should be prepared to go up, too, so 38-72?"

I may take this advice. Can't wait to garner reactions when I specify 16 to 50 ... Now that would definitely be a conversation starter!

5GoMadOnAZ650 · 03/06/2011 07:58

I don't really see the issue, did he have to specify an age range? If he did perhaps he put a wider range to include more response?

aurynne · 03/06/2011 08:16

People have the right to specify whichever parameter they wish when looking for a partner. If you don't like it, don't date him. But to start judging and criticizing him before you even meet him just because you fall a bit out of the range he chose... personally I find that childish. It is really not all about you.

Butterbur · 03/06/2011 08:25

"People have the right to specify whichever parameter they wish..."

The problem is that it's all one way. Men feel entitled to partners 15 years younger. A woman posting the same age range would just be laughed at. Posters often crop up on here saying "Oh,my partner is 20 years older than me. Age is just a number etc." But I don't recall anyone saying they have a partner 20 years younger.

It's all part of the process of middle aged women being made invisible because men don't want to shag them.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/06/2011 10:25

I wouldn't worry about it until you've met him - he might be a knob, he might be lovely; either way you don't have to spend any more time with him if you don't want to. And bear in mind that he didn;t specify that he only wanted women under 40 or whatever - 32-52 is actually a reasonable range of ages for a man in his 50s.

chubsasaurus · 03/06/2011 15:16

My DP is a decade older than me. Before him there was someone twice my age. I'd never date a man my own age.

teraspawn · 03/06/2011 15:36

When filling in a dating profile a while ago I forgot to pay attention to the ages I put that I wanted contacting me. My current DP is eight years older than the maximum that I put! It could just be an oversight, they're not always the biggest forms on the page.

Zanette · 03/06/2011 17:34

My DP is 7 years younger than me! I met him on Times Online. I put that I was looking to meet someone 35-50 & he was 32 at the time. I thought he'd be too young but decided I should meet him and see what he was like. As it turned out, we met, dated and now live together AND I'm hoping for a ring very soon! Wine

DaisyDaresYOU · 03/06/2011 18:48

My dp is alot older than me.He never went with anyone younger before me the same as I didn't go out with anyone of his age.We just clicked.I have gone out with younger men and older men by between 6-8years older than me.Age just doesn't bother me unless they're a prick,but you get them with any ageSmile

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/06/2011 18:55

"People have the right to specify whichever parameter they wish when looking for a partner. If you don't like it, don't date him. But to start judging and criticizing him before you even meet him just because you fall a bit out of the range he chose... personally I find that childish. It is really not all about you."

Sorry but am roffling as this spectacularly useless reply.

OP: tell your date you are 46. I bet you can get away with it! Make him fall desperately passionately in love with you and then reveal that you are actually ... shock horror ... your real age.

Omigawd · 03/06/2011 19:04

And the men who then pull DPs 15 years younger are continually worrying that a more virile young buck will appear on the scene the minute they start to flag :)

As for invisible older women there was an amazing story of a 60 year old New York woman who set out to fulfill herself ( in every way ) and did so, I think she wrote a book about it but I remember in the newspaper interview she said something on the lines of if you feel attractive you will be.

ohmyfucksy · 03/06/2011 20:49

Plenty of women have younger partners. My aunt is 11 years older than her husband. A lot of guys really don't mind going out with someone older - it doesn't make them any better than someone who prefers younger women.

I personally would not go out with anyone less than five years older than me. I have never found anyone outside that range attractive.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/06/2011 22:01

I wrote an article on it a while ago, and talked to a woman in her 50s who said she found that men her age wanted younger women on the whole but there were a lot of younger men who wanted to date women like her. It seems to me to be something to do with reproductive capabilities - some older men want children, either because they never got around to having any or because their children are grown but they want to have some more but some men in their late 20s/early 30s don't want to date women their own age because they don't want DC, or don't want any yet and women in their early 30s are often looking for a man to have DC with where as post-menopausal women are often looking for fun rather than commitment.

jenniec79 · 03/06/2011 22:36

When I was on match.com there were loads of men in their 50s to 70s who "winked" at me. I'm 32 and had on my profile I was looking for someone 30-34. Most of these older blokes had prefered age ranges that I was at the top end of - not my cup of tea at all! Just think they're being a bit unrealistic, and feel quite sorry for them really. That was extreme though. 52-53 - meh, shouldn't matter a jot.

DBoyf is 35.