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Original poster

drunken one night stand - dh being kind....

116 replies

changenow · 30/05/2011 10:35

that's basically it. had very drunk one night stand with total stranger. Felt awful, confessed to dh, he was upset, but not angry and has been almost too understanding!
Weird or lovely?

OP posts:
StarChartEsq · 19/06/2011 21:49

Yes, but that's the thing. There must be some resentment, compromise, unsettled element to your relationship that needs to be either fixed or walked away from.

When I say I wouldn't want to have an ONS I mean it, but I don't prented to believe that it could never happen, on either my or his side. But the reasons do need to be explored and sorted and reconciled.

Perhaps it really IS okay for you to have ONS in the context of your relationship, for him and for you. That is fine if it is. But you need to sort it out so you both know and agree the rules. To do anything else is disrespectful, which you can recover from, but not indefinately and repeatedly.

sausagesandmarmelade · 20/06/2011 08:12

Weird? Yes...
Lovely...not really

Having read the thread it seems that your relationship is on it's last legs.

Hubs and I are committed to each other. We have something 'golden'. We trust each other 100%...
For one of us to betray that trust (and the vows we made to each other) in the way you have would be completely shocking. I don't know how we would come back from that. We love each other...and however much I drank (on a night out) I would never want anyone else. As hubs put it....when you are with someone you have "different eyes". He's right.

As for the suggestion that older people have a different perspective on one night stands? Some might...but I know many who are completely the opposite and who have happy and fulfilled relationships with their partners. That is enough for them...and an ONS would be a complete betrayal of their relationship.

Original poster
changenow · 20/06/2011 13:44

sausages - can i ask why you think its on it last legs?

OP posts:
Taghain · 20/06/2011 16:02

I've just read the thread, and can't see that the relationship is on its last legs at all. I can see that if a man loves a woman but he hasn't been interested in sex for some time, & if sex isn't that important for him, he might not mind the infidelity too much. Especially if he's not a tactile person, then a drunken fumble might be almost regarded as another activity he doesn't wasnt to share.

He might even find it a relief that you have had a shag elsewhere, it might put less pressure on him to fuck you instead.

So it's neither weird not lovely, just understandable.
If you want to stay with him, do so. He'll throw it back at you sometimes in argumants, but we're all unpleasant to each other occassionally.

Disclaimer: I'm a bloke. I've been married for many years. Our relationship has had a few storms and many calm periods.

Original poster
changenow · 20/06/2011 16:39

Thanks taghain - interesting to hear a male view.
Just amazed he could have virtually forgotten about it in a few weeks

OP posts:
TechLovingDad · 20/06/2011 16:49

What have I missed where because the OP has cheated it has given her DH ammo to use against her? Or him being understanding is because he has a guilty conscience?

If I posted this about cheating on my mrs I'd be hung, drawn and quartered. And rightly so.

Taghain · 20/06/2011 17:56

Different strokes for different folks, and relationships have many dynamics.
If changenow's DH says he's forgotten, then either it wasn't important to him, or he prefers not to think about it, or he's lying.

So my recommendation is to not mention it again, and should it happen again, say nothing. Not that I am saying a ONS is acceptable at all, far from it.

Has his behaviour changed at all in the interval? Is he more or less affectionate now?

Original poster
changenow · 21/06/2011 08:29

In the few days afterwards, he was more affectionate, so was i - probably die to guilt. he was also complimenting me more - all back to "normal" again now....

OP posts:
Medussssa · 03/04/2017 03:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TonySopranosVest · 03/04/2017 03:54

Zombie thread.

Interesting how, ahem, robust we were back in 2011 though.

TonySopranosVest · 03/04/2017 03:55

Also, I think these reanimated messages are code.

justkeeponsmiling · 03/04/2017 03:55

One of several resurrected by Medussssa about one night stands. I am reporting her posts now.

justkeeponsmiling · 03/04/2017 04:02

Code for what Toni?

Medussssa · 03/04/2017 04:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Verticalvenetianblinds · 03/04/2017 05:11

Ive reported her too, tho ive quite enjoyed reading all these old threads!

Bones2017 · 03/04/2017 05:14

Mesussssa, are you ok? Has something happened to you?

This could be anger or a cry for help? Can we offer you support at all? X

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