Is it so bad to want more than one lover in life?

[mozarellamamma]

I was reading the post - has anyone had an affair and not regretted it - wanted to share where I'm at. I have a great life - I'm not trying to leave my marriage or children and have a good sex life BUT there is a part of me as I head towards 40 that wants to have another lover. Why do we have to be constrained to just one person and why is it so very bad to want more? I'm not a 'bad' person and this is the only life we have right now. Don't be cross but do share your views - do you think it would be a bad idea to ask my husband for a 'pass' for a little while - do you think human beings are genuinely capable of this kind of thing without hurting one another?

Hehe . It's just like sex Mumsnet, only there's no wet patch.

OP, is it because you didn't have other lovers before your DH?

I can't even begin to imagine wanting anyone else other than DH, and that is after over 30 years and both of us only ever having one partner - each other. So, I confess, I do find it difficult to understand how or why you would really want to have casual relationships whilst still in your marriage. However, I do admire the fact that if you do decide to go ahead, you are at least going to discuss this with your DH first, rather than sneaking off and having an affair behind his back.

And FWIW, if I really felt I couldn't trust that my DH was 'at it' as well, then I would really be questioning the validity of my marriage.

In my promiscuous younger days, I would get pissed and end the night saying I would shag AnyFucker.....and here you are! You've found me after all these years.

Just don't tell DP

There's a big difference between swimming/chatting on MN and having sex with an OM:

Nobody promises when they get married not to go swimming with other people or chat to other people.

OP, you promised when you got married that you'd never have sex with anyone else. You didn't have to get married, if you wanted to have sex with other people - many don't marry for exactly that reason - but you CHOSE to get married.

So basically if you decide to have sex with someone else you are retracting the promise you made. You are saying you've changed your mind. Your husband has the right to know that, and decide if he wants to stay in the "marriage" without that promise, or not. He may prefer to go find someone else who IS willing to be faithful.

It's completely understandable to find you sometimes feel the urge to have sex with someone else. But you made a decision years ago to give up the ability to act on that desire, in return for the security, stability, and all the other benefits of marriage. If you've changed your mind, and you want to have the sex but not the stability, then fine. But tell your DH that. You can't have both.

As for covering your tracks - any marriage in which you're constantly lying to your DH is not a real marriage, IMO.

cheaters pretty much always get found out

I don't believe you Anyfucker - I think you'd miss it a lot more than you've admitted - which is fine. We all have needs and addictions. You're on MN now because your partner cannot fulfil all your needs.

My Dh cannot meet all my emotional needs. That doesn't make either of us a failure.

ARF! I'm on MN cos DP is out with DD! He fulfills me in every way imaginable!

I believe you AF....

We all have needs and addictions. You're on MN now because your partner cannot fulfil all your needs.

what a silly thing to say

of course my husband doesn't fulfil all my needs

I have my career, my children, my friends, my own life too

do you think it appropriate that one person should "complete" someone

since sex is the subject of this thread, he fufils my sexual needs, but there is a whole lot more to me than that

Teehee, this gets sillier.

silly, buzz ?

I meant PS's post, sorry . The bit about being on MN cos your partner doesn't fulfil you .

ah

Would like a lover. Just one. (sighs). Any cast offs anywhere?

Fine if your dh is ok with it.

Of course maybe he'll want his bit on the side as well. And maybe find that she "understands him" better than you and your children will end up "raised by a nanny" because you'll be out working for a living... That's what happened to my mum's friend who had an itch she wanted to scratch anyway.

...but nothing in life is guaranteed [shrug]

Anyfucker - exactly - there's a whole lot more to me too - (and it's not about sex, I'm not Shagging two people) - I'm 'emotionally involved' with two people.
So there's not a lot of difference between us. I'm sure you have formed an emotional attachment with a few people on here - maybe I've just taken it to another level.

like I said, PS, what is done above-board and with full knowledge of all parties involved, then fair play

my DH knows how much time I spend on MN, since he is sat right next to me at the time. It detracts in no way from "us"

does your partner know how much of your emotional energy you give to others ?

Put it this way - he's a lot happier I'm not on MN so much there days ( he thinks sites like this can be insidious )

"insidious" ?

what, because people speak the truth here ?

you din't answer my question, PS, does your partner know you are investing so much of your emotional energy in one special person of the opposite sex ?

if he is fully aware (not a sanitised version) then fair play to you

Apologies for appalling typos -

Yes he knows - ( and I don't invest vast amounts of emotional energy on her )

PS, I think we are talking at cross purposes, seriously

you have a close female friend, a relationship that isn't physically sexual

you don't invest vast amounts of emotional energy in her

that's called "a best mate" in my book

what are you calling it ?

what would you like the rest of us to call it, since this is a thread about wanting to have sex with others ?

is this a stealth lesbian thing, PS ?

would you like me to denounce your friendship with a woman ?

I am very close to my female friends, what of it ?

'cos I don't follow your logic and actually think you must be on a wind-up

Do I have to spell it out?

I think you have to, yes

if you want to