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Original poster

Would I be mad to move with partner after 5ish months?

99 replies

npg1 · 05/05/2011 20:17

I know most of you are probably thinking yes!!! but here is my story.....

Split with ex 15 months ago. Im still living in the family home waiting for him to buy me out, should be in the next couple of weeks and then im moving out of the family home into rented.

In the meantime have had a few boyfriends, no one as ever met my 2 children as I was unsure. This time I know I have met mr right. We have been together 3 months, he has recently met the children and they get on so well, we are so in love, I have NEVER had feelings like this and he is the same. When I move out I did say to start that I was going to move out and be on my own for a few months, im not going to move out for another couple of months anyway and he wants to move in, I really want him to move in because I hate being away from him. Am I mad? It also worries m about the money side of things as I know my child tax credits will drop drastically.

Many thanks

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:22

You won't like my reply, but yes, you are mad to move your new boyfriend in with you and your kids

you know fuck-all about him, tbh, after such a short time

you think you do, but you only know what he has decided to show you, so far

I am sure you will get lots of happy endings stories like "I met my soulmate and moved him in after 16 hours and we have been together for 91 years now"

but the fact remains, you don't know this guy

lookingfoxy · 05/05/2011 20:22

Too soon, if its true love then it will survive waiting.

Why does he want to move in so soon, does he have secure accommodation just now, does he work, whats his views on child discipline, housework etc etc

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:24

LF, Op is likely to find out the answers to those questions he hard way, unfortunately

AuraofDora · 05/05/2011 20:25

my gut feeling - too soon, sorry but it is..
get to know him, really - it involves your kids - he should understand they come first, that would be a good hurdle to clear imho

anyfucker is right, get to know him in lots of situations first

nancy75 · 05/05/2011 20:27

if it was just you I would say yes ( i was pregnant withing 8 weeks of meeting dp we are still together 7years later) however as you have children i would say you need to slow down and make really sure before you take such a big step,

MinesaGandT · 05/05/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

davidtennantsmistress · 05/05/2011 20:31

yes - and I got PG by DP within 6 months, moving in when he returns from his trip away, far too soon, and I did things quickly. i'd move in alone, have some space of your own, and for that of your kids then think about moving him in - nothing to stop him coming over & staying the night now and again (or indeed leaving before the kids are up) but the kids need to really be settled in a new place imo.

Original poster
npg1 · 05/05/2011 20:31

Yes I know your right

OP posts:
LordofthePies · 05/05/2011 20:32

Sorry, you barely know this man and yet you want to introduce him into your children's lives and your family home?

If the relationship is strong enough, why rush and why does he want to rush?

Alarm bells ringing for me I'm afraid.

norwegianwood · 05/05/2011 20:35

I moved in with my DP and was pregnant within 12 months. It can happen, it can work out. He is now my DH and we have another DC.
Difference is we had both been single for a while. I have a DC from a previous relationship but it was finished 3years before. He had been married but had divorced and all the financial stuff was sorted.
You say you've been split up with ExP for 15months and have had a few boyfriends. Thats all well and good. But if he really is the one, if you truly think he is in it for the long haul then where is the harm in waiting a while?

hairylights · 05/05/2011 20:37

I'm with everyone else. Way way too soon.

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amberleaf · 05/05/2011 20:43

I think you're mad to have allowed him to meet your kids so soon never mind move in with him.

26minutes · 05/05/2011 20:44

If it feels right go for it. I did and I'm getting married in a few weeks.

I split from my ex, he moved out, we sold the house 6 months later when I moved into rented. I met DP the following year (split from ex for 16 months). It felt right straight away. I'd seen plenty of others in between but none had met the DS's and none had felt like I wanted to keep them. We lived quite a way apart so only saw each other at weekends so it was very very hard to be apart but quite soon it was clear that we couldn't carry on. We'd only been together 5 weeks when he met the boys & my parents, I met his parents the next week, I surprised myself at letting him meet them that soon but it felt right.

We'd been together 7 months when he moved in last September (we'd planned sooner, but his work transfer was messed up). In December we decided to try for a baby, I fell pregnant in March after only 13 months together. DD was born in December. We've now been together for 2yrs, 2months and will be married at the beginning of next month.

We were both with our exes for 10 years, so are no strangers to big relationships but both felt straight away that this was different. I felt, and still do feel, so differently about him, feelings I have never ever felt before.

From the outside looking in I would say I was absolutely crazy having done what I did do and would say to you hold on, wait, but having lived it and knowin exactly how you're feeling I say go for it. I never thought it was possible to feel the way I do about DP but it's one of those soppy fairytale ending type relationhips. I had the plan that when I met someone it would be 6 months before he met the DC and then only casually, but it didn't happen that way and I wouldn't have let him near my boys if I hadn't known it was right.

FreudianSlipper · 05/05/2011 20:51

if you did not have the responsibility of your children i might say go for it (but men who want to rush things alarms bells ring)

but you are not this is not jsut about you, your partner its about your children too. if he really loves you he will understand this and understand this is not good for your children because its not

if you are scared of losing him or he is insisting it should he this way well the relationship is doomed

Original poster
npg1 · 05/05/2011 20:52

Yes your all right I know, I did kind of discuss it with him today, talking about money etc and if we could afford it, I said I would go home and work a few things out, bills etc. He has text tonight saying we could move when the kids are on holiday in China etc etc, which to start I thought he meant he would help me move so i replied, yes thats a great idea but then he sent another text and he means we move together and I dont really know how to get out of it.....?

He currently lives with his parents. Split with his ex beginning of last year and moved out of their house and back home.

He also booked our holiday, we are all going away end of august for a week but didnt confirm the details and phoned me as a surprise!

Yes he has met the children and I know I know its quite soon but it just felt so right. The children hadnt met anyone else I had dated and I had always said I wouldnt introduce them until 6 months down the line but my ex went to china 2 weeks ago and isnt coming back til oct so I am constanly with the children.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:53

oh, and he is still just a new boyfriend after just a couple of months, not a "partner"

why does he have such elevated status ?

you and your kids should be a tight, impervious unit for a while

yep, have boyfriends, but keep them at arms length for a good while, even this new "Mr perfect" (err, what ?? Hmm ) shouldn't have such privileged status until he has utterly proved himself

and not just by pretty words of "love" and "can't live without each other" (err, yes, you can...)

I would say his big great rush to impose himself on you and your kids is actually a dirty big red flag, actually

hester · 05/05/2011 20:53

Sorry, I think this will be too far, too fast for your children.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:55

he is souding more and more controlling

OP, I can see you rather like him, but aren't you feeling just a bit outmanoevred yet ?

I would cool things right off

did you really mean "you don't know how to get out of it" ???

oh dear

FreudianSlipper · 05/05/2011 20:55

i think you know this is all too soon and he is doing all the organising

you need to talk to him and say that you feel strongly for him but it is all moving too quickly for you and your children

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:56

tell him to stop organising your life, forthwith or you will be reconsidering your relationship

I am serious

you sound rather naive

RoyalWelsh · 05/05/2011 20:57

I moved in with my DP after roughly the same sort of time as you have known yours. Five years on and we are still in love and still happy

BUT

We did not know each other well enough to move in together. It made things awkward and uncomfortable for a while. It wasn't that we didn't love each other, it was that we didn't give ourselves the chance to get to know each other in a range of different situations without the pressures of joint bills etc. We didn't get to be excited about going on a first holiday and spending all that time dedicated to each other, we didn't get the excitement of talking to each other on the phone for hours late into the night.

We love each other desperately and have a beautiful house and we enjoy each others company immensely, but if I could go back and do the start of our relationship again and differently, I would, just so we didn't miss out on the things that make the beginning of a relationship special

I would say that you should do the same. Take your time. Enjoy the beginning. Especially as you have children.

davidtennantsmistress · 05/05/2011 21:00

oh no please listen to any fucker i'd put money on you being his choice out of his parents house tbh.

you don't book a holiday - even a night's hotel without consulting your OH - even if it's a this is a good idea what budget etc are we looking for.'

tbh i'm getting controlling, and wanting to rush you - sounds like someone I went out with a few years back (well 18 months) best thing I did splitting from him, worst thing was introducing him to my boy - but althou it was a mistake that shouldn't of happened it's one that's only happened once.

also he wants you to both move while YOUR DC's are out of the country - am I reading that right? HONESTLY - read that back.

you, and your children are settled, he wants them to MOVE out of their HOME in with him & you after being on HOLIDAY WITH THEIR DAD.

please see how unreasonable that is.

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
npg1 · 05/05/2011 21:03

26mins, you sound exactly like me and how my situation is.......

I really do love him, am head over heels in love with him but slightly worried about this pressure he puts on me

OP posts: