Have been posting and lurking on Recovery After An Affair thread and can relate to so many of the feelings people are saying they have. It's also given me a lot of hope for the future and that's all I can do at the moment.
My story is that our relationship had reached rock bottom over the last few years. I was harbouring a lot of resentment over something and we had become like brother and sister and not really talking to each other properly. At the end of February I had confirmation from DH that he had been seeing someone else. He says it was not an affair. It was a friend that he bumped in to and they saw each other and emailed each other without me knowing during the course of last year and this year. He apparently was helping her with a separation she was going through and she was helping him with his depression (and his marriage problems). I used to have a lot of jealousy and insecurity problems about him having female friends which is why he said he couldn't tell me about this. Last autumn I tried to have a conversation with him about our marriage and about how we need to work on things and he said he didn't know if he wanted to. This was obviously when he was seeing her.
Since he told me things have really improved between us (I can almost say things have never been better) and he has told me he has emailed her to say he can't see her again (I did initially say he could see her if he was open about it - I was trying to be grown up about DH having female friends). I have been through a roller coaster of emotions. The first few weeks I couldn't eat or sleep and cried a lot. Now I'm trying to be normal but underneath there is still a lot of anger. DH won't talk about it anymore and just wants to get on with our lives.
When I'm on my own I think about it a lot and get angry with the deception. Recently I texted him to say 'maybe next time you think you have marriage problems you could talk to your wife instead of having an affair'. He replied saying 'I did not have an affair. I did try to talk to my wife. I did try to make things better but she wasn't interested'. Perhaps I shouldn't have sent that text (I was just going through a down moment) but I really wanted him to say 'yes he would talk to me in future'. Obviously I'm still worried about things even though things are so much better. I'm just hoping that things will continue and I can get over the deception which has really knocked me confidence.