AM I TOTALLY WRONG HERE...

[goal2goal]

OK I am in shock at the moment. I just called my partner (who I have been with less than a year) who is currently on holiday visiting friends.

we was joking on text yesterday and i received a text saying "good news, I don't have to get married woohoo" now i thought this was some sort of joke about being abroad and getting people residency visa's (thai brides etc)

back to the present.

I asked him what the plan for the night what the plan for tonight was and he said to me he was studying. I asked him what his friends thought about him going there and studying all the time, i.e. why didn't he do it another time... when he said "well the thing is that stupid woman got her british citizenship and didn't bother to tell me last week so i don't have to be here"

this is when i realised he was serious.

He now is trying to tell me we had this conversation before cos his friend is being deported back to America and she has family in Europe so if she marries him and gains British Citizenship she can stay wherever she wants within the EU. I don't think this is a conversation that i would suddenly gain memory loss of having.

I have then sat here ... in shock... and calmly and collectively thought long and hard about things...

1. He told me he was going Kitesurfing and made a big deal out of me help him find the equipment as a matter of urgency because he wanted it for when he went away... when i spoke to him he said he was never going away to kitesurf and he just wanted to buy it...

1. when he booked this holiday we had split up for a week, we got back together and he told me he was visiting a friend and i asked if it was the woman who was ill (an ex that is terminally ill who he is still friends with) and he said "i don't want to talk about it, it will just cause an arguement" I told him i dont want to start an argument, if it is her i am glad you are going, she needs friends now.. i didn't get a response.

1. the morning he was packing i noticed him pack suit trousers (he was going to a hot country) I asked him why he was packing trousers, shouldn't he be packing shorts and he said "its a bit cold over there at the minute"

Now with all that in mind... he is still trying to convince me he told me and that it doesn't matter now cos he didn't do it anyway.

either i am with a chromosomaly challenged person who somehow forgets to tell me these major choices or I am completely right and he has kept this from me on purpose OR I am severely paranoid.

this is sooo f*king bizarre that I dont know how to react or what to think. only this s*t would happen to me.

any advise... i think i need a large vodka.

Have that large vodka. End the relationship. Find someone who appreciates you, does not tell lies and whom you can trust.

You deserve better than this idiot.

Run run run and don't look back

You are right. He is gaslighting you. In bizzare, fucked up circs. Get rid!

have the vodka and kick this stupid twat into the next century

let some other poor woman try and figure him out

plenty more fish in the sea

next!!!

tbh my initial thought was that he was just making it up to force you to dump him cos he's too m uch of a coward to do it himself

either way he's a shithead and you're better off without him

sorry tho :(

I can only agree with what everyone else has said. Bin the twat.

What everyone else said. Get rid of the loser.

I seriously dont get it. from about a month in he was telling me he loved me, and constantly questioning my feelings towards him (I never gave him an admission of love until about a month ago) and from last month till now he has been loving, caring, very thoughtful... then this happens.

why would you do that? why would you want someone to fall in love with you and on purpose be a total prick... its not even like he is cheating what the hell would you call this?. tbh if he had told me about all this i probably wouldn't of had a major problem with it as i know the woman is desperate to stay and its unfair that she has to return really (i have heard her situation before) but to insult my intelligence by making out i am suffering from dementia is too much to take.

and the worst thing is I love him. what the fuck do i do.

THE BIT I REALLY REALLY STRUGGLE WITH....

he could have got away with it... he didn't end up marrying her. but he TELLS ME... ???

this is where the confusion really kicks in.

i know he wasn't trying to dump me... I dont want to sound big headed but from apart from this he practically worships the ground i walk on.

The reason he did it is cos he's a prick. Seriously, get rid, he will screw your head up.

Because he is an abusive gaslighting prick? So many red flags.........where to begin.

Lucky escape love, he is a classic.

Ohhhhhh snap.

people oon here would call it gaslighting.

It's unbelievable, I didn't know people actually behaved like this.

"he worships the ground you walk on ?"

for that alone, you need to dump this loser

why do so many women not heed the red flags ??

overinvestment in the early stages, then wearing you down with lies and confusion...this bloke will up the ante if you cave in to his manipulation

what do you do now ?

you take our unanimous advice, that is what you do

or we will see you here again in 3-6 months time with another post full of pain and confusion (and your self esteem just a little bit more shot-at as you start to question yourself )

red flag

listen to him, he is telling you the kind of man he is

neither did I! I don't know whether to laugh or cry at how ridiculous this is.

I dont want to sound big headed but from apart from this he practically worships the ground i walk on.

Ok, I hate to have to say this, but he wants you to think that, because it then means you are less likely to notice the shit he is upto behind your back. It is really classic abusive behaviour. :(

have a cry

then bin him

don't be a victim to cheap words and fancy promises, they mean jack-shit

Lots do behave like this unfortunately. My life is a fucking embarrasment because of a similar text book low life.

He will screw up your head if you don't get rid.

Don't think I've ever said this in all my years on Mumsnet but please, get rid of this man - NOW.

Run. Run like the wind. He's messing with your head.

NO, I don't believe your life is an embarassment

I believe the man that treated you like that is an embarassment

the problem is, he will never admit it...but that does not mean you have to take responsibilty for it

Stay withy him and you are facing a lifetime of gaslighting-so much so you will start to question your own sanity.
You would be better of rid of him because it will only get worse. Look on this as a lucky escape and a lesson learned.
Imagine he had gone through with the marriage, when do you think he would have told you? Perhaps a few years further down the line when you get outed as the OW in his divorce, or when you think about marrying him and his marriage lines state him as divorced--and of course he would claim you knew all along because he had told you
When you dump him as l hope you will do l honestly think he won't know what he has done wrong..
Twat

Yes you are right I suppose oh and yes it's ALL my fault! It's things like this, totally mad stuff that you find hard to comprehend. I had this shit for years.

Vodka = good move. Text back = we're over = better move. Second vodka = final move.

Screen calls, etc., for a bit, as you don't want to be wasting time with further contact.