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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AM I TOTALLY WRONG HERE...

88 replies

goal2goal · 03/05/2011 20:21

OK I am in shock at the moment. I just called my partner (who I have been with less than a year) who is currently on holiday visiting friends.

we was joking on text yesterday and i received a text saying "good news, I don't have to get married woohoo" now i thought this was some sort of joke about being abroad and getting people residency visa's (thai brides etc)

back to the present.

I asked him what the plan for the night what the plan for tonight was and he said to me he was studying. I asked him what his friends thought about him going there and studying all the time, i.e. why didn't he do it another time... when he said "well the thing is that stupid woman got her british citizenship and didn't bother to tell me last week so i don't have to be here"

this is when i realised he was serious.

He now is trying to tell me we had this conversation before cos his friend is being deported back to America and she has family in Europe so if she marries him and gains British Citizenship she can stay wherever she wants within the EU. I don't think this is a conversation that i would suddenly gain memory loss of having.

I have then sat here ... in shock... and calmly and collectively thought long and hard about things...

  1. He told me he was going Kitesurfing and made a big deal out of me help him find the equipment as a matter of urgency because he wanted it for when he went away... when i spoke to him he said he was never going away to kitesurf and he just wanted to buy it...
  1. when he booked this holiday we had split up for a week, we got back together and he told me he was visiting a friend and i asked if it was the woman who was ill (an ex that is terminally ill who he is still friends with) and he said "i don't want to talk about it, it will just cause an arguement" I told him i dont want to start an argument, if it is her i am glad you are going, she needs friends now.. i didn't get a response.
  1. the morning he was packing i noticed him pack suit trousers (he was going to a hot country) I asked him why he was packing trousers, shouldn't he be packing shorts and he said "its a bit cold over there at the minute"

Now with all that in mind... he is still trying to convince me he told me and that it doesn't matter now cos he didn't do it anyway.

either i am with a chromosomaly challenged person who somehow forgets to tell me these major choices or I am completely right and he has kept this from me on purpose OR I am severely paranoid.

this is sooo f*king bizarre that I dont know how to react or what to think. only this s*t would happen to me.

any advise... i think i need a large vodka.

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 03/05/2011 21:40

I don't know where it's from - I've said it for years Grin

I think I might have just made it up though because I've never heard anyone else say it either - that's only just occured to me actually Confused

He is though - a nasty pastie I mean.

A big old Greggs left on a hot windowsill

Yeuch

ShoutyHamster · 03/05/2011 21:41

It should really be nasty pasty I suppose!

Maybe it could be the next fun-oticom

[pasty]

Original poster
goal2goal · 03/05/2011 21:42

HA! I haven't told you the best bit... apparently he has "shown" me his outfit for the service... he said "this is for the wedding" the night before the royal wedding, the night before he went to a royal wedding drink up. and I must have misunderstood.

Jesus that is quite pathetic really. in all honesty, I feel sorry for the fucker if he really thinks that is a plausible way of telling your girlfriend your marrying someone else.

"here honey this is the suit to my wedding.... what YOU wont be attending"

complete cock.

OP posts:
glastocat · 03/05/2011 21:43

LOL at nasty pastie!

notoriginal · 03/05/2011 21:45

Ffs what a nob, like someone said he's not even good at it, he must be thick as well as twisted. Well done for telling him to do one. If you get any wobbles come and post :)

ShoutyHamster · 03/05/2011 21:45

Priceless!

All together now:

'he - is - a - nut - job'

glastocat · 03/05/2011 21:46

goal2goal, I can't believe he showed you his wedding outfit! Well, I can actually. What a total bell-end, I'm glad to hear you have got rid. I doubt if you've heard the last of him though. Stay strong.

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 21:46

not so much a "gaslighter" as a snuffed candle

hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

nasty pastie sums him up...twat

Original poster
goal2goal · 03/05/2011 21:48

i will do... thanks for the help there. I just wanted to confirm i wasn't the one being unreasonable. usually i would never question my gut reaction to something but that was just a really really bizzare thing to hear that made me totally numb and from his own mouth!

HA.

I will never live this one down when my friends hear about this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 21:53

never mind about others

you know you have had the sense to ge out before you got any more entangled

pretty words can be sooo compelling...I'll bet your friends have been silly about a bloke before now

I certainly have

never, ever again though, of that I am sure

suburbophobe · 03/05/2011 21:55

darlin, do yourself a favour and bin this man cos he's running you around in circles, NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

piratecat · 03/05/2011 21:58

do not blame yourself, ie ' iwill never live this down' comments.

don't put yourself down.

he is deluded, you fell for him. you will recover. he won't xx

QueenLaQueefer · 03/05/2011 22:00

He's a wrong 'un all right.

Your friends will admire your strength.Smile I do. Good on ya.

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 22:02

you will move on, he will always be a twat

what is to be ashamed of ? Confused

piratecat · 03/05/2011 22:06

af, missed the bit where you became af again!

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 22:07

hey, pc, there was no announcement

just slipped back after all the seasonal namechanges, which never worked anyway Smile

ShoutyHamster · 03/05/2011 22:08

Exactly.

One day, he will be a great pub story.

The nutter who tried to convince you that he'd already told you he was marrying someone else on holiday and even shown you his outfit, and it must have slipped your mind. HYSTERICAL. I almost envy you. Start planning the story now, it will become one of your greatest party pieces.

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 22:10

yep, dinner party anecdote extraordinaire

your friends will be green with envy !!

piratecat · 03/05/2011 22:12

i've not been about much. i have tried to change in the past, but i like feeling 'known', well, recognised, as me. whatever that entails.

shouty, your last post was good.

Original poster
goal2goal · 03/05/2011 22:13

nah i am joking, i will live it down eventually... i gotta laugh though and i probably will do in a couple of years. the old "it could only happen to her" jokes will be quite amusing when compared with other bizzare stories from my life.

Just to point out its not me being ashamed... if i were ashamed i wouldn't tell anyone. i think this is gonna be the funniest personal heartache story i have heard. like Jerry Springer.... except real. hahaha

OP posts:
notoriginal · 03/05/2011 22:16

Almost 3 years after we split, exh tried to convince me I'd agreed to 'try again' and (the best bit) 'have another child' the scarey fucker, I just laugh about it now.

Original poster
goal2goal · 03/05/2011 22:16

or it could be to do with the fact that I am slightly tipsy and find everything amusing when i am.... Dear God please let me laugh 2morro... it would be the best thing to laugh down the phone to him and make him doubt whether I am as sane as he thought i was. :o

OP posts:
Original poster
goal2goal · 03/05/2011 22:20

notoriginal... that is really quite deluded. nice to know that this isn't bound to only men i date..

I think we are on to a blockbuster movie here. Sex and the City would pale in comparison

OP posts:
notoriginal · 03/05/2011 22:23

I'm sure there's quite a lot with similar stories - bloody nutters :) you really have had a lucky escape.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 03/05/2011 23:17

that is a stormer goal2goal, what a twunt. have a few more Wines on us!!!

AnyFucker, how fab to see you about again!!! [creepy fan emoticon]

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