AM I TOTALLY WRONG HERE...

[goal2goal]

OK I am in shock at the moment. I just called my partner (who I have been with less than a year) who is currently on holiday visiting friends.

we was joking on text yesterday and i received a text saying "good news, I don't have to get married woohoo" now i thought this was some sort of joke about being abroad and getting people residency visa's (thai brides etc)

back to the present.

I asked him what the plan for the night what the plan for tonight was and he said to me he was studying. I asked him what his friends thought about him going there and studying all the time, i.e. why didn't he do it another time... when he said "well the thing is that stupid woman got her british citizenship and didn't bother to tell me last week so i don't have to be here"

this is when i realised he was serious.

He now is trying to tell me we had this conversation before cos his friend is being deported back to America and she has family in Europe so if she marries him and gains British Citizenship she can stay wherever she wants within the EU. I don't think this is a conversation that i would suddenly gain memory loss of having.

I have then sat here ... in shock... and calmly and collectively thought long and hard about things...

1. He told me he was going Kitesurfing and made a big deal out of me help him find the equipment as a matter of urgency because he wanted it for when he went away... when i spoke to him he said he was never going away to kitesurf and he just wanted to buy it...

1. when he booked this holiday we had split up for a week, we got back together and he told me he was visiting a friend and i asked if it was the woman who was ill (an ex that is terminally ill who he is still friends with) and he said "i don't want to talk about it, it will just cause an arguement" I told him i dont want to start an argument, if it is her i am glad you are going, she needs friends now.. i didn't get a response.

1. the morning he was packing i noticed him pack suit trousers (he was going to a hot country) I asked him why he was packing trousers, shouldn't he be packing shorts and he said "its a bit cold over there at the minute"

Now with all that in mind... he is still trying to convince me he told me and that it doesn't matter now cos he didn't do it anyway.

either i am with a chromosomaly challenged person who somehow forgets to tell me these major choices or I am completely right and he has kept this from me on purpose OR I am severely paranoid.

this is sooo f*king bizarre that I dont know how to react or what to think. only this s*t would happen to me.

any advise... i think i need a large vodka.

goal2goal - I was that woman, bold as brass and holding the whip hand, but I was gaslighted like you wouldn't believe. it's especially clever for the narsty shites to pick clever opinionated women, because then no one believes they've done it. Run Run Run, you have made a lucky early escape!

Luck lucky escape op.

Hey I say nasty pasty too!

I am still recovering after a year of the prison that being with men like this is. I am in counselling and trying to mend other relationships that I'd let slip. Mumsnet was what made the difference and reading about npd. It's good you are laughing now but it's really not that funny. Keep the fuck away. He'll know all your buttons and your head will be wrecked in no time. Good luck x

DO YOU, mamas12??

Excellent!!!

guessing nasty pasty sounds better if you don't have a soft southern accent

Narsty parsty sounds far too Loyd Grossman....

Day after and still ignoring his calls etc...

I am still trying to work out how on earth he thought that he could get away with something like that? I am soo tempted to book a flight to Vegas for me and my friend and marry. then email him the evidence.

the thing is now he has broken my trust forever. theres no hope left and i am not about to waste my time. i want a family and kids in a couple of years so i better get looking for Mr Right! lol not Mr "I love you but i am marrying someone else cos i am a total dick"

the mind is still boggling.

He will continue with the harassment but stay strong you have done the right thing. If he gets crazy eg stalking I would report it, people like him can be dangerous.

Look on it as a lesson learned you won't go near someone like that again.

ha... a lesson! he seemed soo normal. caring, considerate, always looking after me through my illness, never shouted or got irate (even when i goaded him to- stupid i know but i wanted to see if he was as nice as he really was) he was very very normal until this.

so how the hell do you spot a psycho... not the first idiot i have dated and i doubt it will be the last. i am starting to suspect i must give off a hormone that attracts arseholes.

oh yeah i just logged on and saw his plane ticket sitting on my desktop... the prick actually had me print his tickets for him cos his printer broke. maybe in his warped little mind this was perceived as permission to go.

You're had a lucky escape - he has been stupid enough to reveal himself and you have been clever enough to have created the environoment where he felt he could tell you.

The world is full of people who married similar individuals and only after marriage discovered what they were really like. I say 2 years is needed to really know someone..most people can act how they think they 'should' be for at least a year. He couldn't keep up the presence for longer - you're a smart lady, and you proven you have good self esteem by binning him.

Spend a little time seeing if you could have noticed his 'values' earlier but I suspect it would not have been possible...The most deceptive people are often the best liars.

Ooh HerHiss I am a little :) that you have mused on the pronunciation of nasty pasty! Because I actually tend to say it in a strange sort of errr... I don't know what type of fake accent really, but it comes out as more 'nistie pistie'

'He iss a nistie pistie! Keel heem!'

that kind of thing

What i want to know is what he thought would happen after they had got married (if it had gone ahead). How do you introduce that to your P? The whole thing is just totally mad.

Okaaaayy... ShoutyHamster....

I know I know