Why are SOME mother-in-laws so determined to interfere when not wanted?

[Wamster]

To avoid flaming and because I do realise some mils are OK-really I do- I have put the word: 'SOME' in my thread title. I have also deliberately chosen not to include this in AIBU for same reason. I can't help but notice that a lot of them are just not liked by the daughters-in-law (or perhaps by their sons-in-law, too, but, without wishing to be sexist as such, and although I appreciate the humour of the late, great Les Dawson it seems to be to be a daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law problem).

There are so many horror stories here about mils-my ex one was a bit of a monster, I know that, always interfering when not wanted.
I'm not sure if she actually meant harm as such, just could not accept that she was no longer numero uno in her son's life. (Yes, my marriage broke down but these were for different issues outside of her).

What is wrong with these women? Is it a gender thing? Because I rarely see threads started here by women along the lines of 'my FATHER-in-law' is a nightmare'. Are they less interfering if they've got OTHER sons to concern themselves with? Or a spouse/regular partner themselves?

and then get called all the names under the sun cos you don't provide babysitting on demand...

Totally agree with Hecate.

My Mil once visited and (without me knowing at the time) cleaned all my cutlery and cutlery drawer. She said she knew I was busy and thought she might as well halp out. I took GREAT offence to this, and took it as an insult! I mentioned it to my DM and she reminded me that the last time she had visited she had commented on the state of our garden and done some weeding whilst I was at work, which I was very grateful for. There is no getting away from the fact that most woment are grateful for help from their DMs but not from their MiLs IMO.

I have to say I have a good relationship with my MIL. Better in fact than I do with my mum. In my family it is MY mum who is the nightmare. Controlling, disapproves of everything DP says or does. She will put the most negative spin she can on everything he says or does. She even criticises his expression when looking at our DD.

His mum just accepted me straight away as an addition to the family. She doesn't interfere or criticise. She occasionally gives advice but is often hesitant for fear of being perceived as interfering!

I try to be as sympathetic as I can with my FMIL but sometimes it's pretty difficult. My DP was a very shy child and a very quiet adolescent. Since he met me he's come out of his shell quite a lot and it's something FMIL objects to massively - most because if he doesn't agree with something she's said he'll let her know.

MIL also doesn't like women who have opinions that differ from their OH or women who do things that don't involve their OH (Good example is that I am part of a choir and every week I go and thoroughly enjoy it! DP isn't part of it so it's really my own little thing and I love it - she sees this as me having a separate life from my DP and can't understand why we're together when I behave like that )

I think it stems from her not having the best relationship with her husband and her filling that gap with affection for her son, added to the fact that she's been told in counselling that she doesn't like the stereotypical 'strong' woman personality because she isn't one and maybe feels jealous of that fact…she refused to see that counsellor after that but to be honest I think he hit the nail on the head!