HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?

[MusicLover]

I was going to change my name for this, but bugger it Ive done nothing to be ashamed of..

I was going on my DH History on the pc to find a site he had been on recently...To my horror I found "Porn Sites" !!!!

I feel repulsed TBH. I cant get it out of my mind. I've not confronted him. I work some evenings so thats when he obviously goes on them.
My friend went through this a couple of years ago with her dp, so my DH does know how I feel about porn.
Im no prude at all, but its the secrecy of it thats really doing my head in.

Is this just a man thing?
Am I overeacting?

How would you feel?

its a man thing (and a woman thing for many women)
you are totally over-reacting IMO

I'd feel bad about snooping

it is a man thing - my DH does look, he also has been downloading them to do DVD's for the lad's in work - (yes I know it's prob not on but hey gets us a bit of extra cash ) anyhow, I did find some ahem rather rude sites - (talkin a bit hard core) and I told him I wasn't happy with those - to my knowledge he's not looked at them - either that or he's better at covering his tracks! as u say it's the secrecy thing.

he doesn't really have any vids/dvd's just the stuff on the comp - and tbh I'd rather he looked at pics on a comp/vid /book (althou books are never in the house) than go off with someone else - esp as our sex life has been wanning over recent weeks, and we have spend a lot of time apart - althou 2/3 months ago - I was posting the same thing as u.

I havn't snooped as so-I was looking for a site that he had been on & saw the word PORN!
Who wouldn't snoop?

TBH the feeling Im having in my stomach is simular to the feeling when you've found them cheating

its a man thing - as long as its 'normal' porn iykwim?

I don't call going to 'history' snooping tbh

I once found 'persion kitty' in my dh's history. I thought, aarh, how cute he's been looking at kittens. I thought I'd have a look too. I had quite a suprise .

how come you have separate history for dh - do you have separate pcs?

I had the same thing last night - He used to look at the sites but I thought he had stopped until I was playing around on his phone & found that he had been using that to look a the sites.

I think it is a man thing i did tel dh that I didn't like him looking at the sites but I feel at the end of the day what is there that I can do about it?

I suppose part of it is my fault as I haven't paid him a lot if attention recently as we are staying with family & I don't feel comfortable in that environment

Dp isn't in to porn but even if he was it wouldn't bother me at all, as long as he didn't expect me to join in with his 'hobbie'

Think its just one of those things. It could be a lot worse

Porn, "normal" or not (?) degrades women, exploits both men and women involved in its production, and validates some men's views of women as sex objects. Yuk. It's tacky as well.
There are plenty of ways of enjoying a good sex life without resorting to commercial porn.
BUT I think you were snooping by checking his PC history too, tbh

pmsl belo!

I think you are over reacting ML. Its a very normal man thing to look at porn. Its just what they do. (Its normal practise to have a "top shelf" in newsagents which is an indication as to how normal i feel).

It seems he is respecting your views by not rubbing your nose in it or asking you to view it with him so i think you have nothing to be worried about.

Can i ask why you dont like it?

I dont really have a reason for not liking it-I just feel its dirty when I look at it. Cant explain really.
joolstoo we have separate e-mail ads, & we all have our separate "sign in" name-even the kids. Its all on 1 pc.

marina I was not snooping-I was mearly looking for a sight he had visited!!!

ML my Dh & I have separate loggins and email addressess

But yes I was snooping

Bad luck then ML and yes, I'd be upset if I found a URL like that. But for various reasons commercial porn REALLY does press all my buttons

TBH I feel abit inadequate now & getting paranoid whether Im enough (obviously not)

But in another way I cant blame him as our sex life has dwindled recently.

But then I ask "what is a healthy Sex Life" "how many times a week"

If we were having sex every night would he stil feel the need to go on the sites.

I think that he probably would look even if he was getting it regularly I feel at least my dh is looking at that and playing with himself than getting it from someone else

My Dh blames me but our situation at home is difficult and I hope things will get better once we have our own place again, but I know that as long as the sites are out there he will look at them

YEs he would still look at it most likely. Its what most normal men do. Some are open and upfront about and some arent.

Its not about you and what you may or may not do "in bed". Dont beat yourself up on it, but dont beat him up either.

ML - this is the exact way I was feelin about 2/3 months ago - as if he 'needed' to view them etc. anyhow we did have a chat at the time, and I basically said to him I missed the sex etc and it upset me he looked at the porn - admittedly the sex hasn't improved but he's more 'cuddlay' and affectionate which for me has really helped. would the same help for u? or is the affection not an issue?

We are quite an affectionate couple & always have been really, we still write notes to each other aswell. We just dont have sex as much due to one or both of us being tired.
He works mon-fri. I work maybe 1 evening in the week, & then work all wk-end, so with 2 kids & 3 step children-its hard.
I am missing the sex too, but my urge just isnt there so often anymore. But I still fancy him like mad & love him so much.

my DH looks to.o I hate it, he looks discretely when I'm not about but is quite honest about it. But I don't think I'd dare confront him if I'd been snooping and found out.

Look at some with tasty men on them.....might may you feel like you've evened it out

prob best just to sit down and have a chat - he might surpise u.

pfer - and what site might this be!

munz - despite my endless searching the ones I've come across seemed aimed at men

damn!

I can understand how you feel ML, I wouldn't be totally happy about it either, although my dh has occasionally bought porn mags (well, Playboy) so I wouldn't be surprised to find he had looked at porn sites. If I were you, I would check out the nature of the sites he has been looking at. I would just want to know what interested him! If the stuff was very hardcore, then I would worry!

Pfer I was gonna ask what site? Hhmme!
Should I tell him I go on porn sites of men!
See his reaction!
Do you think men would feel like how I am now.?

Although thanks to you Mners I dont feel half as bad, it good to get opinions from diffrerent people at one time.

I think if Id have told a friend & she said "OH my God" "thats discusting-how can you be with him" It would have made me feel worse.