The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

"Drinking myself to death seems in some ways attractive."

I used to say this sort of thing. I wonder, therefore, why I never went for it? Perhaps because so much of my life was a fantasy that, when faced with the thought of doing a real thing with real consequences, it pulled me up short.

I notice that you say "wine makes it feel better" and yet you are on, for want of a better word, a problem drinking thread, rather than a "1000 reasons I love wine" thread.

I would say that, based on that post alone, you are very definitely at some sort of rock bottom, because you seem to be in a position where you hate drink and cannot imagine a life without it - this is what is described in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" as "the jumping off place" where the alcoholic "will wish for the end." Please be aware that I am not defining you as an alcoholic or that you should go to AA; only saying that you have certain things in common with people who DO describe themselves that way.

That said, rock bottom is a bit of a misnomer; there is no rock bottom so low that, with a bit of ingenuity, you can't make it lower still. And there are plenty of us who, having found quite a shallow rock bottom, bounced along it for quite a period of time.

You say you need help and support and don't know how to get it. Well, it's right here. Many of us also find AA helpful, though I am aware that you have already decided this is not for you.

Just out of interest, apart from wetting the bed, how many of the other scenarios do you tick?

I never slept through the night until I stopped drinking.

I would pass out then wake up at 2.

Every night for years.

I now fall asleep within 20 minutes of going to bed and sleep through.

Every night without fail.

One night last summer, (so I was less than a year sober) I had a phone call from the Hospital 500 miles away where my 14 yo had been admitted. They said they'd call at 7 the next morning if I needed to collect her. I woke up took the call and lept in the car.

That was a benefit of being sober.

Well I spend money on wine that I cannot really afford.

My husband sometimes looks disappointed when I have that second or third glass of wine; his major concern is my weight and money though.

A few months ago my son asked if I drank a bottle every day.

These are low points.

I am here because I have lurked - well since Jesus first posted. Because I watched my father being humiliated by his alcoholism. Because I do not want my dc to grow up with a mother who is less coherent that usual after none at night.

Because I want the strength to change my life and I suspect I need to stop drinking to find it. This is the logical self - at other times I just don't care.

I went out and bought wine last night - on a 'who cares' wave. Life is shit so why deny myself - yes my logical self sees the circular argument here.

I want to step outside of the circle.

I have other addictions too. Alcohol will only be the first to conquer.

today as I said

Like you no one in real life knew, but I'm glad I outed myself as I got the support I needed, (which BTW was nothing dramatic, just some meals cooked and childcare). When I was just about holding it all together it was easy to kid myself that I wasn't an alcoholic, just a really shitty person who didn't deserve to be happy.

Step outside the circle.

I guessed why you were here - but, next time you think, "ah, wine makes it better," you need to remember it too.

I got into a situation where, when I finally approached AA (which was my solution, you may well find another) I was thinking, "fuck me, if this is how bad life is WITH a drink, how bad is it going to be WITHOUT one?" But that really isn't wine making it better in a sense that any normal drinker would recognise.

G

Goodness I seem to have started a debate here sorry guys. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. For me it isn't purely about getting the same amount of alcohol from wine , for example my dp likes gin, rum and beer so we always have those in the house. If I don't have wine I never drink those cuz I dont like them, it doesnt cross my mind. If I dont. have wine in the house I might get a bit grumpy or pay a fortune to buy a bottle from the local shop but would go without rather than drink gin etc... hence thinking of swaping my choice of drink. I see this is controversial so will just let u know if I havent drunk wine.

No debate, export - just saying that that strategy wouldn't have worked for me, or rather didn't work for me, as I tried switching drinks.

But if it does work for you, go for it! Drinking less is going to improve your life so, if you can manage it, fair play.

export don't worry, I don't know about anyone else but I was just pondering, rather than trying to debate with you or about you. To be honest, whenever someone new posts I'm interested to hear what they say, but it sends me straight back to thinking over my own situation and trying to answer that million dollar 'how come I can't drink and stop drinking' question.

It's probably very boring for you though!

Hey,
I don't know if this is going to come out very well....
but I just wanted to say thanks for all the conversation this afternoon, it has made me feel quite tearful, and humble.
I didn't want to intrude, as I always think I come across as trite.
I am really, really sruggling at the moment, not to pick up every night, which was my default setting for many years.
I have remembered back to the six weeks I did at the end of last, and beginning of this year, completely alcohol free, and no, the rubbish didn't go away, but crikey, it was one less thing to worry about!
Is there just one person you could confide in todayistheday, maybe DH?, I found that for a while I trawled over every bad thing I'd ever done through drink however small, to DH, and it was a sort of catharsis, and I began to be able to leave the guilt and shame behind, slightly. I get the impression you can do this in AA too, but I don't know.
It makes me feel really down to do that "look back" thing now Little red, too, and I try not to. But every time I drink again, it starts again, with a vengeance.
I too, was maybe not at rock bottom, held down a responsible job, etc, never had an accident, the same as many on here, but I was so worried about my drinking, all the time, so not in a good place.
Anyway, not going to re-read, so sorry if it's a burble.
Thanks for being there xxxx

Thurso

Yes, you can pour it all out at an AA meeting, it's one of the attractive things about it.

FWIW you really DON'T come across as trite.

Bless you Miflaw,
Thanks, gah, the times I've written and thought I sound like a cross between Joan Grenfell and Alistair Sim, with an alcholic twist!

p.s I'm not really 120 years old!

Just googled, I thought Joan didn't sound right...Joyce Grenfell..anyone the wiser

Thurso, don't do that

Be back later once this wobble fucks off.

thurso!! never never trite!! i for one love what you post!, you are kind, sensitive and thoughtful, never change!

TODAY!! you sound so down love!, i dont know how much we can help, but my god, we would like to try! - as to reaching rock bottom, i suppose we all have a different perception of what that is, for me, it was my dh and dd looking at me with pure loathing, they really had started to hate me, i was taken everything that was good in our lives and was spoiling it, like littlered, i have got to a point where i dont like looking back, i dont want to dwell and fester over things i cant change, that dosent mean i have forgotten it all, it just means i remember it, file it in the brain and then move on, look forward to the next day, try and be the best person i can be, just for today! - one of the aa steps is to make amends, i try and do that to my family everyday, just by staying sober i know im doing it and it helps!

another thing i have realised is that alcohol will keep taking and taking until you have nothing left to give, i have always had self confidence/esteem etc, (to a point of arrogance some may say ) but i was losing that, day by day, drink by drink, i honestly hadnt realised how low i had become until i started getting some of it back! - telling the booze to fuck the fuck off on a daily basis has put ME back in charge of me, no more guilt, no more worrying, no more 'deals', just a quiet peaceful place for my head to live in, iyswim?

It's so true that alcohol will take take take - it's not your friend, not when you begin to look forward to it coming round and can't wait until its next visit - (ooh, I went all metaphorical ) Seriously though, the way I finally, after 30 years realised that I had a serious problem was when i started planning my drinking. Towards the end, i would wait until Friday when dh took the children to the gym and buy my two bottles of white wine, leave them in my car boot, and literally throw them down my neck between 6 and 7.30 - not an easy feat ! I'd then have a can of dh's lager to explain the smell, and text him to get me some g & t's in a tin! It was madness. After I lost my job, it was the 'perfect' excuse to drink nearly every night - well, I was distressed wasn't I? Normal behaviour for hurt people! Hmm, no. In my early thirties i was a much more stereotypical alcoholic - drank in the mornings, drank rubbish cider etc..but i got through that, so figured I must be ok! You know, an alcoholic is an alcoholic whatever way you try to pretty it up. I am doing AA as I mentioned and I'm hoping it works. There is always a way out and if you think you're drinking too much - you probably are!

hi all - what a lot of interesting posts today!
indie are you feeling better?
Thurso how's things?
I have had a good day apart from DH's morning requirements
I met my lovely older man and had huge hugs and cuddles, which made me feel nice.
I also caught up with another friend and we got time to sit down and really talk. he is a very good listener and I unloaded a lot of stuff on to him which he stoically soaked up. I feel a bit better.
DH has an interview tomorow for a promoted post - it would be 5K more a year which would really help!
I also managed a run this evening.

What a lovely day Ma, you sound very "up" tonight. Well done on going for a run, crikey, I couldn't run for a bus!, or if a bear was chasing me!..now, if it was chasing the dc's, then I might .

Good luck for DH's interview tomorrow, will he hear the result straight away?

I am just going to go for a bath, and then watch "Masterchef". Demons averted tonight! Things all quiet on the western front, here, and I am hoping not see 3.30am in with DH in the morning!

I am so glad you had a good day {hug}

Ma - can I ask, is DH's morning requirements what I think it is? As in of an intimate nature? xx

yes mouse, it is. pretty much whether I want it or not!
Actually that sounds awful, I'm not physically forced or anything, but there is pressure and rejection leads to arguments and tension and moods etc so I endure. i hate it.

well done on day 7 Isindie!
I'm impressed.