The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

export, I think you sound sensible. You clearly need to try this, to see how it works. Most of us (all of us?) on here didn't just wake up one day and tick the box marked 'must get the drinking under control'. If we had, we probably wouldn't bother with this thread. It may well be that the small amounts of vodka are a good solution for you (and I know exactly what you mean about the wine!).

Whether or not that's true, it would be completely pointless for you, knowing what you do about yourself, to try to stop drinking entirely because a thread on the internet told you you needed to. It doesn't work like that. If you do, further down the line, chose to stop entirely, that'd be your choice, and you'd have to be doing it because you knew you needed to.

In all honesty, my perspective is clouded because I know I, personally, am shit at cutting down but not stopping. Doesn't mean you will be. However, I think if I'd not tried cutting down but not stopping, I'd never have realized how bad it was for me personally, and would never have worked out what I did need to do.

Just to put on my mathematical hat, I calculate that anyone drinking two bottles of (11%) wine a night is doing between half a bottle and half a litre of (37.5%) vodka.

Just for those who think that vodka is the safe option, it is worth reflecting how much of your safe option you will need to get the same hit as the wine gave you.

littlered - i was just the same, i only bought 'decent' red wine (i would have, and did) bought the crap though if thats all was avaliable!

i have never had a 'spirit' drinking urge, generally i dont like them, but believe me, i could 'force down' just about anything if the wine wasnt there!, i have no idea of the effects of different drinks, i would have thought that spirits would damage the body more quickly than wine or beer but thats as far as i would hazard guessing - what i do think though is that is all too easy to swop one addictive drink for another, if you have the tendancy to drink too much, in an alcoholic way, then i think its proberbly best to give up altogether!

just reading my post back to myself i see i now muddle my tenses , its odd, i still think of myself as a heavy drinker and i find it difficult to change that - im now, in reality, 'in recovery', it still seems almost a dream though and its strange to try and turn my thought processes around iyswim?, my dd has described me to a friend as 'a recovering alcoholic' and i wondered who she was talking about (was at a social occasion and dd still worries about me being tempted to pick up, so she leapt in when i was offered a drink , i didnt mind her doing it, i just felt sad she was still so fragile about it!)

anyway, must dash, off to meeting today! , back later babes!

No-one said that half a litre of vodka was safe. The issue is, can some people find a drink that they're disinclined to drink much of? Personally I'm sceptical, but to me your post doesn't make me think 'oh no! Vodka is a terrible option', it makes me think 'ouch, I used to be drinking far too much wine!'.

But that may have been what you were getting at.

export!, you must do it your way!, my thoughts are just that, my thoughts - if you can find a way to drink that works for you thats great! i do mean it when i say im though, i would love to drink on special occasions, now im sober though, i realise i could turn the binmen coming into a special occasion! so i had better steer clear altogether!

LRD

I think that was my point.

When I switched drinks personally, it inevitably failed because, for me, wine and beer were merely my preferred vehicles for delivering alcohol into my body. Swapping the drink was just swapping the vehicle; I still could only be satisfied by the requisite amount of alcohol, however it got "delivered". I mainly, therefore, swapped drinks for the sake of cost or efficiency.

In fact, I found vodka was worse, because I was a quick drinker. Drinking beer quickly is doable; with vodka you just get smashed and incapable much earlier.

In other words, the experiment may work, as long as one is convinced that it is the WINE one loves, rather than what's in it.

Personally, if I really did love wine (rather than alcohol) I'd just have drunk better wine more slowly. I tried this, and it failed.

But different things work for different people and anything's worth a try.

"can some people find a drink that they're disinclined to drink much of?"

Why would anyone want to do that though? If you're disinclined to drink something, that would imply that drinking it was unpleasant to you.

Why would you voluntarily drink something unpleasant?

Sorry jesus, I know my 'ya gotta do it your way' lecture was obvious reading, just thought it bore saying for export who might not have heard it before.

Love your phrasing about turning the binmen coming into a special occasion - I know what you mean! It's funny though - I have a few American friends and my impression is that alcoholism is viewed slightly differently over there, and there's a much stronger sense that you absolutely must never think of anything but cutting out alcohol entirely. My mate doesn't actually know I'm an alcoholic (or if she does, I've not mentioned it to her), but she was saying how she was surprised that C of E churches in this country do real wine for communion even when they know they've got alcoholics in the congregation. And it occurred to me I happily have my sip of sweet sherry every Sunday without a problem ... odd, isn't it? I have visions of myself becoming very devout and racing round communion services all Sunday morning ....

(Sorry, hope my poor sense of humour isn't offensive to anyone)

No, lots of people have things they're disinclined to drink much of. I doubt you and I can understand it or we wouldn't be here. But I can understand by analogy - I absolutely love my mum's rich dark chocolate cake, but couldn't have more than a sliver or it'd be cloying. For some people, a glass of wine is like that - I've actually seen (and wondered at!) people who can happily drink half a glass of red wine, tell me it's delicious but they've had enough, and ask me to finish it.

Odd, and imo very unlikely for someone who drinks too much of one kind of alcohol to find this solution in another, but there you go.

That's a very fair point, LRD - I hadn't thought of it like that.

Having said that, I wouldn't have thought that vodka, which is practically designed to slip down easily (and resemble water, which is where its name comes from) would be a good candidate on that basis, especially when mixed with a soft drink. I would have thought that heavy red wine (probably French), port, neat Scotch whisky, even neat gin, would be the obvious choices for that to work.

Yes, I suspect you're right, but I'm not sure. My DH's dad can wax lyrical about the subtle qualities of vodka and how we Brits don't appreciate it and drink it too fast ... but then, erm, he is an alcoholic.

Gin is worse though, imo. There's a reason it has a reputation - I used to be able to empty a litre bottle of gin and start in on the wine. Not a great idea.

I think I'd better butt out of this conversation as it's just making me look back and think how much time I wasted and what a mess I made of things. Sorry to bring the thread down.

LRD

That sort of looking back is exactly what can help us to look forwards sometimes - it reminds us of what we DON'T want tomorrow to be like!

We've all wasted massive amounts of time in the past on all sorts of things, even non-alcoholics. What makes the difference is if and when one stops repeating those mistakes.

I will not have any wine tonight.

At the moment I feel strong, almost stronger because I scared myself by not have a dry night last night if that makes sense.

I know I am using alcohol to drown sorrows - I just need to keep telling myself that everything will be easier to deal with if not viewed through the bottom of a wine bottle. Guess I don't quite believe that yet.

Can I have some stories of how life will be better please?

Losing weight, getting fitter, achieving more in each day that sort of thing?

I could do with some help - not AA at the moment though. Online is the best I can do right now. No one in real life knows what a pickle I have got into and I can't think about 'coming out' face to face.

Afternoon Brave Babes

Welcome to the lovely Pie, Today, Changeling, and Export I'm not sure who I have said hello to and who I've not. Sorry.

Welcome back Hammy02

Well, I though I'd caught up but it's all gone again. Crazy busy day. And tomorrow. I could really use a handy man to help me get this house sorted whilst DH is out interviewing.

Nemo has just fallen off the sofa backwards and hit his head He's okay but it really scared him. We have wooden floors too...... he sobbed for ages!

Been to hospital this morning to have my pre-op for when they whip out my wisdom tooth. The day after Nemo's 2nd birthday!

IsinDe - how are you today? I notice that both you and I wobbled the other night. I find the warm weather a real struggle. I love sitting out of an evening with a glass of wine. I just know that if I started this, it would soon be two, three and then a bottle or more an evening.

It doesn't help that I am under so much pressure to get things done by tomorrow morning ready for the builder!

JWN - how are you and your poorly back today?

Sorry that I've not said hello to everyone but I've forgotten everything!

"Can I have some stories of how life will be better please?"

you can write your own.

Presumably a whole string of absolutely shit things, be it physical, mental, or emotional, have happened to you as a result of drinking; I say that because, if drinking was fun, you wouldn't have ended up on a thread like this.

Now imagine a life where none of those things happen. No trips; no slips; no black or hurt looks from family; no guilt when you realise you're broke because you pissed it up the wall; no more paranoia about whether people can smell it on you; no more wetting the bed. (Incidentally, if any of these things hasn't happened to you yet, don't worry - keep drinking and they will.)

Those stories obviously represent a better life; and that's purely from the abstinence itself. The positive knock-on effects can easily overshadow even those immense improvements.

Fancy it?

Oi Mister, I said hello to you the other day. How are you and your girls? How old is the latest edition to the family?

You no better lovely? xx

Isinde I'd love to take credit for the asp, but 'twasn't me. I did get the reference, though

LRD I hope the earlier discussions haven't brought you down too much. FWIW, I found what was said to be very thought-provoking and helpful (speaking as someone who doesn't like red wine but, erm, got the bad habit of drinking DH's because then I wasn't buying white for myself, ergo didn't have a problem)

Sorry, wanted to say to Today too, I find it really helpful to get something nice to have to hand when the urge strikes, but also to consciously decide earlier in the day that when it does, I WON'T have a drink. I'm probably not expressing it very well, but it's almost like visualising the "danger time" turning out differently.

I'm mainly a lurker, but have been sober for 15 months having started a thread a bit like this.

Hi today I don't know what your story is but for me the benefits of stopping drinking have been dramatic but its mainly internal. The main benefit for me is waking up every morning feeling as if I dodged a bullet- before I stopped drinking I genuinely thought I would die soon and I didn't care.

Apart from the paranoia (which was more like a sensible sense of self preservation) I didn't have any of Miflaw's examples, I now realise they were just around the corner.

I'd definitely have lost my DCs, DH, Home, Driving Licence etc. by now as by the end of my drinking and for at least a year it was only luck that any given day didn't end up with me in A and E or worse.

Like you no one in real life knew, but I'm glad I outed myself as I got the support I needed, (which BTW was nothing dramatic, just some meals cooked and childcare). When I was just about holding it all together it was easy to kid myself that I wasn't an alcoholic, just a really shitty person who didn't deserve to be happy.

MFLAW

No I have not (yet) been low enough, drunk enough, to wet the bed etc!

BUT I do not want to get there.

My health is suffering, I am depressed and medicate with alcohol, which stops the ADs being effective. I sometimes feel as though a long drawn out suicide is the way to go. My health disappearing as a result of drink sometimes feels like a GOOD thing.

I know this is rubbish logically and that I need to break the cycle.

On the other hand, fuck it wine makes me feel better...

Can you see, I am not yet at that rock bottom alcohol wise that means the only way is up. Drinking myself to death seems in some ways attractive. But this is rubbish I know.

Sorry this is really unhelpful isn't it? I know I need help and support and don't know how to get it. I don,t have the energy to get it. My life is built on lies and i would hurt people badly if I started doing the truth.

I just hope that if I can not drink for a while that the clouds will recede - I am sacred of them getting worse. That lying awake in the night - I am frightened of that and what I will do.

I don't know who has read this - I do apologize. What a fucking wimp I sound.

Today

It's bedlam here, so I'm not going to try to type anything helpful. I'm sure someone will be here very quickly to do a much better job than I could manage.

I just wanted to say that you do NOT sound a wimp at all. You sound incredibly unhappy, and I agree that you need some help and support to start to make sense of what's going on in your life, but even the fact that you acknowledge that need means you're taking steps to try to get it.