Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are my parents odd?

83 replies

hmc · 07/04/2011 23:53

For some obscure reason 20 years ago they moved from Peterborough (admittedly a heinous place) to Scarborough to retire ...which given that it is on the A64 largely single tracked road might as well be Outer Mongolia ...(at the time I was living in Leicester and brother in Birmingham)

Anyways - they were invited to come and stay with us (south coast - 275 miles distance between us) for 3 or 4 days next week to coincide with ds's 7th birthday and indeed mum's birthday (15 April). Haven't seen 'em since Christmas. So mum rings me tonight - 'we are not coming after all because your dad has a bad back and so do I....'

Now they are old - 77 and 82 respectively, and it is a hell of a long way to drive at their age....but in the past we have frequently offered to pay for train tickets and to pick them up from London so they don't have to change trains etc...

Why don't they want to see their grandson on their birthday?

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 07/04/2011 23:53

on his birthday!

OP posts:
washnomore · 07/04/2011 23:56

Doesn't matter how you travel, that's a bloody long way with a bad back, never mind being 82 as well.

GypsyMoth · 07/04/2011 23:56

i suspect he's lively...noisy...and older people like their routine,regular tv shows/cups of tea etc set in stone usually!

Original poster
hmc · 07/04/2011 23:57

So what's the solution?

Absent gps?

OP posts:
washnomore · 07/04/2011 23:58

Or perhaps they've got a dirty weekend already arranged for her birthday and don't want to 'fess up to their potentially horrified and disapproving daughter Wink

Original poster
hmc · 07/04/2011 23:58

Think you are right IloveT - I just hope I am a bit more engaged in the whole grandparent thing when I am older

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 07/04/2011 23:59

Shudder at dirty weekend!!!!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 07/04/2011 23:59

god,dreading that bit....i will have grandchildren coming out of my ears!! i have 5 dcGrin

Sanesometimes1 · 08/04/2011 00:00

Why don't you go and visit them ? I think it's too far to expect them to travel to you.

Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:10

Because ds wants his birthday party with his friends...who live around here, not there.

And if I am brutally honest - am still a bit nonplussed at their rationale for moving many miles aways from either my brother or me. They were saying the other day - if something happens to one of us we won't have any support - they are damn right! - I can't be travelling 4.5 hours each way every weekend to support a bereaved parent (when it happens). Dh and I did offer to help them with the costs of relocating down here a few years back...but they were too proud to countenance it.

I don't really understand them I suppose. We are very different [shrugs]

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/04/2011 00:10

Im sorry but expecting them to travel at their age is unreasonable.

Take your son to see them rather than expect them to come to you. They are far too old to travel on a train, or drive.

YOu could always go get them.

TheSecondComing · 08/04/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:11

Okay - I'll cancel 7 year old ds' party Hmm

OP posts:
sharbie · 08/04/2011 00:13

can't you go up some other time in the hols and still have your party

GypsyMoth · 08/04/2011 00:13

why cancel it....are his friends coming??

would they come if they are in a comfy b and b or a travel lodge do you thnk?

washnomore · 08/04/2011 00:13

You did ask, no need to get all passive aggressive because the responses aren't going your way :)

Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:17

I'm not being passive aggressive. Those insincere fake smileys are a bit passive aggressive though...here is one for good measure Wink. Gawd! - you've got me doing it now!

OP posts:
laInfanta · 08/04/2011 00:19

Take him up another time

I think it is quite a long way to travel at their ages, and with bad backs.

Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:19

ILove - the suggestion is that we should be visiting the gps on his birthday; that would necessitate canceling his party

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:20

Okay.... we'll travel up next month I s'pose laInfanta

Ah well.... just a shame for ds

OP posts:
washnomore · 08/04/2011 00:21

Ah brill, I never thought I'd pull it off Grin

Seriously though, you're expecting too much and it's all cos you're pissed off they live far away. When I retire I'll live where I bloody like and sod the inconvenience to my children. They get enough years of one's life.

Skinit · 08/04/2011 00:22

Well you are being a bit weird yourself! Your parents are pretty old...they don't want to travel.

GypsyMoth · 08/04/2011 00:23

oh right!! sorry,i'm tired lol!

no,i wouldnt cancel it

i was in the position where parents moved away,east coast also. mum got ill and died,leaving my dad. he had no idea how to even do the basics. i'm single parent with 5 dc,200 miles away....my brother and his wife and baby came back from germany and relocated here. mainly to be there for dad.

its bloody hard,juggling parents AND dc

Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:26

Not as freaky as you Skinit Wink .....(more of those smileys - am getting good at this)

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 08/04/2011 00:27

Thanks ILove - am glad you get it! Yes older parents can't live their lives to suit their adult children nor should they - but spectacular own goal to retire somewhere remote based on some half cocked pipedream and then expect practical support when the chips are down

OP posts: