Wow, thanks for all the suggestions people have been kind enough to give me. Theres lots of good ideas here - sifting through I can see that on the one hand a lot of the things I am frustrated with will pass as the children grow up a bit, but on the other hand I'm making heavy weather of managing the home. I don't understand really where my time goes! I do menu plan. I book an online delivery for a Tuesday, and keep adding to and changing my list as the week goes by, but because we have a fridge/freezer rather than a large fridge and large freezer which we really need, I keep needing to do 'top up' shops and that is when my brain often fails and I forget the things I need. I have a notebook next to my bed which I write to do lists and keep track of as many things as I can, and I have a diary to keep track of financial things, a family planner for dentist/dr/hairdresser/etc.
We don't have a dishwasher, agree it would save a lot of time, but no space for one. We have a tumble dryer though. I do four loads of washing each day - dc's 2 and 3 in reusable nappies so that is one load, and always do one white load and one dark load (baby muslins, sleepsuits, vests, bedding etc make up most of the white load, and dc's clothes etc for other load). Wash bedding for our bed, three cots and dd's single bed once a week, and generally have a different day for each one as can't get it all dry (don't use tumble dryer for bedding apart from cot sheets). Towels are all colour coded and washed weekly. Ironing is one of the things that can go, I realise that. Dh does his own, so don't even need to do his shirts, but find a bizarre need to keep ironing children's clothes even though I'm sure I never used to. Make bread daily in breadmaker as we were wasting so much before and was constantly having to dash out and buy more - it generally works well as I make one white loaf per week for 6 month old, and freeze and use slices as and when needed, and one wholemeal daily for everyone else. I only make basic stuff like cheese on toast etc and fruit for lunch, but the sheer amount of plates/cups etc to be washed up, and 6 month old is doing blw so lots of food on floor, bibs to be washed etc. We have a takeaway once a week, but still cook for the children, so still lots of prep and 'washing down' to be done afterwards.
I buy birthday cards in advance (just bought most of the year's supply) and try to shop online in sales for gifts, and try to keep on top of that but it needs time. In the evening once the dc's are in bed we find ourselves firstly washing up, secondly cleaning down the dining table, then doing all manner of jobs like e.g. last night dh was searching online for car insurance, I was finishing the census forms, then had to fold/sort nappies and tumble drying, put clothes into piles for various children, clean down bathroom (toys everywhere, water on floor, towels to be put away). It doesn't sound like much but it saps the time away, and before you know it its after 9pm and dd is waking for a feed and this just slides into bedtime. I'm generally up at 5.30am, but it doesn't help me feel more organised. The more time I have the more I go around in circles!!
An element of it is due to the frustration with the monotony/grind as a few people have said. I know there will be those who say I've made my bed, having three young children, but I do find the endless nature of the job quite hard. Everyday you don't move forwards, you start in the same position as the day before if you're lucky and haven't slipped back. Thats what dh doesn't understand. To him it wouldn't matter if breakfast was 10 minutes later or whatever, but to me if we're later with breakfast there isn't enough time get the next round of jobs done. I aim to be at the breakfast table with all three for 7.30am so that I can bf the baby then she can feed self while I serve up the porridge and toast, then bolt mine down, then wash up, then supervise them doing their teeth, change ds's nappy, wash him and dress him, bf dd again, change nappy then hopefully leave house before 10.3am otherwise there is no time to do anything before lunch.
My eldest goes to pre-school three times a week, but tbh although I'm glad for a bit of respite while she's there, its the getting there and getting back to pick her up that presents the biggest challenge which worries me as shes starting school in September. When the baby was born in September I told myself it would be hard to begin with but would surely get easier and I had a year to get myself ready for the school-run. Six months in and things aren't noticeably easier, but more than anything my stress/anxiety make everything unpleasant. Dh remembered his Mum being so 'shouty' that all outings were unpleasant in his childhood, and said I was in danger of being the same. I just can't seem to be laidback and chilled out about it, otherwise things don't get done. Yes sure, I could sit in my pyjamas while the dc's play with each other, but then I've got more work to do either later or the next day.
Finally - I do count my blessings. I have a close friend whose dd was stillborn at 39 weeks, and other friends who have just had two miscarriages. I'm truly blessed to have my lovely children, and do realise this. I also realise that people might prefer to be at home rather than at work. I'm on mat. leave, so know only too well how frustrating work/life balance can be, I'll be back to work in the Summer albeit part-time. Thats another part of my frustration - I should be enjoying this time, but just am not!! Perhaps I'm just tired and having a bad day, not sure whether I'm expecting too much. I'll ditch the ironing and try to have some more downtime in the evening though, and will look more carefully at batch cooking. I think organising the cooking might help me be less stressed and free up some time.