I know this isn't really a MN thing but can someone please hold my hand.

[ShortArseFuck]

My DP is coming over this afternoon around 2pm and I am going to tell him what my XH did, and what he's continuing to do

I really need my hand holding I'm scared shitless

dont be scared....you'll feel better when its all out in the open

Good luck with whatever it is, chin up.

Backstory

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1179384-What-would-you-think-of-this/AllOnOnePage#24539939

Don't feel you have to read it all

The hand holding is appreciated

God he sounds like an arsehole!! I feel for you.

I am going to have to tell DP the most of it, how it was.

I suppose I'm scared he'll think badly of me

Going to take girls out for lunch.

Back later.

i would actually stop seeing him or communicating with him....full stop

third party handovers.....a drawn up document when he has them. i'd be arranging every other weekend and the 50/50 stuff would be knocked on the head.

dp offered before to do the handovers but i don't think that would be helpful ;)

I don't want him to do 50/50 but I don't know how to argue against it he seems to be so reasonable to other people

I am so worried

Maybe speak to the C A B, they can be very useful and tell you the "do's and don'ts" etc...

ask in legal,but as far as i know,50/50 doesnt neccesarily mean a complete split of time....you can still have 50/50 but have the dc reside with you most of the time,seeing him on alternate weekends....the 50/50 rsidency bit is just to recognise equality of both parents,not everybody takes it so literally down to owing an extra day etc.......

i'm no solicitor or family law expert btw!!

just been through the court system and picked stuff up along the way....but it seems to me like you need proper legal help here,its heading that way

would he take this to court? the medical stuff,the threats to you etc...its getting worse,he needs stopping

This really needs to be dealt with unequivocally now OP. Accept your dps offers of support and get some legal advice. Your ex is intimidating you and it isn't your fault. Stand up for yourself and your dcs, it will only get worse otherwise. Ime, the courts don't always see the right side but it can lay down clear rules and be a wake up call for you ex.

My hand is here :)

you can do it!

and if your DP has offered to do handovers before, i'd suggest it again (actually, i'd be inclined to stop visits altogether, but that'll have to go throught the legal process)

SAF I really don't think your DP would think badly of you. No one listening to your story would have anything but compassion for you. Don't be so hard on yourself. I remember your thread and your ex is a nasty piece of work.

Good luck.

its only a row
wasnt it?

If you are not actually divorced, I'm thinking the visits are only arranged between you both aren't they?

In which case, as a result of his rape comments, you can stop them right now and if he wants to see them again, consent to a divorce and supervised visits.

withagoat He told her - more than once - that he could have sex with her anytime he liked without consent because they are married. Marital rape has been illegal in the UK since 1995 (?) and he continually makes inappropriate, intimidating sexual comments to her. This is a lot more than a row.

Am going to have to post and run coz DP is just here - he's sorting out a bicycle flat wheel at the minute

Withagoat - it was a bit more than a row. XH won't take the kids to hospital appointments because he doesn't agree that they are needed, he says innappropriate things to me about how nice my tits are, my ass is fantastic he wants to fuck me/shag me, he will do so because we are still married (not divorced yet)

He lets DD1 get DD2 up and ready in the morning and he won't get out of bed

He lets DD1 and DD2 muck out and feed 2 animals with no help

He is regularly late to pick them up

Won't return clothes if they go in them to his house

Tries to control me through the kids - gets me to keep them, says he'll be here at X o'clock and turns up 2 or more hours late

Why have you not gotten a divorce yet?

Antler - the divorce is on the way to getting sorted - I have said that on the other thread which is linked to at the top of the page.

That is really nothing to do with this and I don't understand why you feel the need to be so blunt?

DP has taken the girls out to the park and I am under orders to go for a bath.

He is very angry with XH and mildly pissed off that I hadn't told him before. But not angry with me if that makes sense.

He believes me. But then he saw through XH ages and ages ago before we even got together.

I cried. He hugged me. There will be more later once the girls are in bed.

He wasn't surprised - he had suspciions how xh was he had kind of almost guessed if that makes sense, not all of it but certainly a part of it?

Sorry, i didn't need to be blunt. I'm not british and your polite ways do elude me a little bit, i was honestly just curious :(

I'm glad your partner's there for you :)

I think I'm maybe a bit over sensitive today

Thank you for the support.

see, i knew he'd support you!
:)

now run that bath!

I'm glad it's in the open and your dp is supportive.