I know this isn't really a MN thing but can someone please hold my hand.

[ShortArseFuck]

My DP is coming over this afternoon around 2pm and I am going to tell him what my XH did, and what he's continuing to do

I really need my hand holding I'm scared shitless

Thanks folks.

Just stuck the kids dinner in the oven and going for a bath as ordered lol

oh, SAF, your X is the horse guy? the one that can't be bothered to get up while your 2 do the work?

Oh I do think I said that my sister and I did the same stuff when we were the age of yours, I didn't really understand that there was all this stuff to it... it's so funny, so often someone posts on here about an issue, and right behind it there is the mother of all issues that she can't bring herself to talk about. I'm so glad you finally found the courage to open up both on here and at home.

The less this X can have to do with you and his daughters tbh, the better. He is not a decent person to have in anyone's life, and he needs to be treated as suspicious, because all of his actions have a motive to them.

yes LMHF he is the "horse" guy - but that bit is going to be sorted coz DP says he's going up in the mornings and going to do the horses with the girls and see what XH says. Lazy fecker won't even notice most likely!

I can't get my head around XH motivations - I wouldn't want to treat anyone badly and I can't get why anyone would do that iyswim?

Thing is, he coats it all in a "but I am being reasonable" front but it's all very passive aggressive and controlling - like the swapping the weekends at Easter -I'm doing HIM the favour, not the other way around but he has it in his head now that he's the big benevolent guy who is swapping weeks because I asked for it.

I did ask - but so I could take DD1 to her hospital appointment and to help him out as he has a function to go to that the DD's aren't invited to.

Can i give you all a laugh? Well I thought it was funny.

DP came back, kids eating dinner, he's taking them to youth club and picking up and dropping off friends and doing all the running around etc.

I was asking him to get chocolate and stuff while he was out.

He said this is turning into a honeydew list.

I said ?????

He said

honey do this honey do that

I my DP

Honey, you have to understand that X is not normal, never was, neverwill be, you will never understand his motivations, tbh HE probably doesn't either.

You on the other hand, don't have to put up withi his abuse of you, or your DC. Phase this arsehole out of your lives as much as you can.

LMHF - that's very true, and I struggle with it, I think because as one of my friends in RL put it, I'm trying to understand it from a normal pov, and he's not normal so I'll never understand it.

I'll never change him either.

And he'll never ever see that he's being unfair or unreasonable or in the wrong

As I said earlier today, I realised H was not normal the day I dumped him at the airport, have to keep reminding myself of it though, as will you.

Nope, he'll never see it. Nope, he'll never change, because, for him, it works.

SAF

Just .

Thanks guys.

If I could just go back and warn my 15 year old self to run. Run like fuck. never ever look back just run as far away from him as you can

ha ha ha, oh how I have said the same thing, both to myself and to him..

never mind, if you hadn't met him, you may not have met your lovely DP.

EVerything happens for a reason love!

LMHF - that's very true.

Shhhhhh don't tell anyone keep it a secret but ....

one of the things I'm saddest about is that I left it too long and I'm too old to have more kids with DP

But don't tell

Lovey, I'm 42. 43 this summer. I've had 3 MC since DS. There is no chance of him being anything other than an only child.

Regrets my love, are no stranger to me....

I've just read through your "mucking out the ponies" thread. Your XH is a twat, but I LOVE the sound of your DP. Think you were given a hard time on that thread but you bore it well.

Thing that strikes me about it all is how much courage it must have taken for you to walk out on that guy. See how far you've come. You can handle this, with the support of your lovely new man. Good luck.

I'm 41

He's nearly 50

He thinks he's too old.

Honey he's not too old, but obviously it has to be his decision too.

X dad had a newborn with his 20-odd yr old wife when he was in his 70s.

Mind you an egyptian father is a ceremonial and only titular role at the best of times. sperm doners

LOL LMHF that is just bananas!

I know he'd have loved kids, its one of the reasons him and his ex-wife split, they went through the whole IVF thing and he wanted to adopt but she didn't.

And then he was on his own for a long time and now he thinks he's too old.

You know something SAF? Your ex sounds very similar to my ex. I counted the days till ds1 was 18 and the legal contact stopped, ds1 hardly sees him at all now. He is still trying to control things but has ended up just alienating ds1 & his gf. I haven't spoken to him for 3 years...it's been bliss!

Your dp is a star, restores your faith in mankind doesn't it? Remember, you don't have to deal with this alone now, your dp and MN are here Dp sounds like a keeper and a great role model to your dcs. Be happy

If it wasn't for you guys I'd still think it was me who had the problem. These men do such a number on you don't they?

DD2 is only 9 unfortunately so a long time to go yet.

Even the WA site says that in some ways EA is harder to get over than Physical abuse.

There is nowt wrong with you SAF...

SAF you sound like a lovely person and a fab mum, your girls sound wonderful and your DP sounds like a brilliant, caring, supportive partner. I wish all of you the best, and your ex can, quite simply, go and fuck himself right up the bumhole :)

I know I'm very lucky.

DP is fab but I don't mean to do him down when I say he's just normal but you know what I mean?

I find it really hard to let go of control though - I think it's a reaction to being so long with the ex. Everything was controlled with him, and I just struggle.

Oh I don't know. I didn't sleep too well last night I'm a bit all over the place

SAF, I've been lurking on here... your DP sounds fab and I'm glad you have that support. I remember your 'horsey' threads too.

I totally get where you are coming from too, my XP is a water torturer (motto: anything I do to you is fine, because as long as I don't hit you I'm not an abuser).

Flippin - yes!

And it's so hard to explain to people because it all gets wrapped up as concern, and easy going-ness

IYSWIM?