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Relationships

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Original poster

My partner and step son going away and not taking our children we have together is this right?

110 replies

birty · 25/03/2011 00:32

my partner, stepson and stepsons mother had a meeting tonight and it came up that stepson wants to go away on his own with his father for a weekend (last year he went away with his father for two days travelling up to scotland and the rest of us fly and met them up there). We have three boys together and i dont feel this is right as the other boys are going to feel left out and want to go too. Surely a hour a week with his son is enough quality time to spend on there own? I know my stepson does not live with us full time like the other boys but he is always welcome every weekend but he chooses to go out with his mates instead (15 year old talking about) . My partner has only just started spending a hour a week playing table tennis with our oldest son to spend one on one time but this is not happening with the other two. Its hard when you have a few children to think about with work and clubs after school. Im i being unreasonable thinking this?

OP posts:

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/03/2011 21:12

Nono - "thought of having them by herself"? It's one weekend!!!

NonnoMum · 27/03/2011 21:18

I"m just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt... many women get overwhelmed by small babies... She may have PND or a SN baby, we just don't know...

jester68 · 27/03/2011 22:01

I have a step-son who will be 21 in april.

I have been with his dad since he was 13 years old. They always used to spend one day a weekend together (either a saturday or a sunday) just the 2 of them for around 7 hours. Sometimes he would go out with his mates though or have them over for a couple of hours.

We moved further away when dss was 17. By then he was spending more time with his mates etc so they decided they would go over to mil's house every other sunday for dinner and to spend a few hours together there.

Now he is nearly 21 they still meet up every 4 weeks ish to spend time together. He also spends boxing day with either his dad at mil's or with us depending on where they want to go.

We have 2 daughters together who are lucky enough to see their daddy everyday and get to spend time with him in holidays etc.

So yes I think you are being unreasonable. One weekend is not going to hurt you at all. And if he took the other children as well then surely he will have to spend more time looking after them, doing younger children activities etc so would not be able to spend much time with his son at all.

1 hour a week alone time with his dad is pathetic, poor lad

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/03/2011 22:25

well actually - that's the joy of the search function - you don't even need to read any full posts to see that she doesn't have 3 children aged 1,2 and 3.

And surely if that was the issue she'd have said in her OP.........

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/03/2011 22:26

oh and by default - how would a 1,2 and 3yr old feel "left out" in any sort of real way by one weekend (3yr old and maybe the 2yr old for a bit............for all of 5 minutes until you offer them something in the there and now )

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/03/2011 11:44

"Surely a hour a week with his son is enough quality time to spend on there own" - omg are you for real? The poor boy has to live with the fact that his parents separated and you want to stop the time he has with his dad as an hour should be enough!!

Good on your husband, hope its the first of many weekends away. He shouldnt be made to feel guilty about spending time with his friends just because he was put in this position through no choice of his own.

Perhaps he feels unwelcome at the house given how little you appear to think of him.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 28/03/2011 11:48

HappyMummyOfOne - it's very rare that we agree - butI agree with you

mummytime · 28/03/2011 12:14

All children have a right to one to one time with their parents. It is very hard to schedule, but I do try to give some to all my children, and to encourage them to have some with their Dad.

Your DP should also be finding things he can do 1 to 1 with his other sons.

Our local council actually runs father and son, and father and daughter short adventure breaks; for this very purpose.

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/03/2011 12:20

Baroque Although its only usually politics or benefits that we disagree on.

Hate seeing children getting pushed out in step families, its simply wrong.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 28/03/2011 12:31

this is true - though I think that's generally where we meet so I've never really seen us agree before - was a bit of a shocker for a Monday morning

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