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Original poster

Smacking - how your parents did it?

274 replies

notalreadyinuse · 15/03/2011 21:29

  • [Message from MNHQ - please note, this thread was started in 2011]

I assume that most people who were young children in the 70s were smacked by their parents, but a thread today reminded me about something that has been bothering me.

My dad always pulled my pants down to smack me - until about the age of 8 I think when I think the smacking mostly stopped.

I wondered if this was "normal" then?

Namechanged for this one...

OP posts:
MizzyDizzy · 16/03/2011 17:34

Oh...forgot to say...I don't smack my DC's.

At one stage I had 3 DC's of 3 and under...all boys...we have done all the other punishments over the years instead..time out, naughty step, reins (to prevent running away on the school run!), pocket money withdrawal and I'm sure many more...

Potential smacking days are long gone now they are pre/teens and all bigger than me...but we do still have 'time out' when they all kick up! Wink

MarioandLuigi · 16/03/2011 19:16

maypole1 - I completely agree and it turns my stomach, I still remember the feelings of dread, and whenever I go home now, when my Mum opens the door which used to be my bedroom (even though it hasnt been for 12 years) I still feel panicked that my room isnt tidy and she is going to go off at me.

NurseSunshine · 16/03/2011 19:36

I was born in '88 to reasonably young parents and I was smacked. Usually by my stepdad, he used to threaten to pull my knickers down in public and smack my bum. He never did it in public but did in private. One evening he smacked the backs of my legs so hard there were still handprints there 24 hours later when my mum was gettng me ready for bed. I was about 6/7. He also hit me over the head with a metal baking tray and my mum laughed. Once I was made to stand in one of our fields on the same spot for hours in the rain. When I was 14 he totally lost it and punched me repeatedly until my mum managed to get him off me. She denied it 3 days later.

I will never hit my child. Can't think of anything worse.

WomanOfMassDestruction · 16/03/2011 19:50

Bloody hell - this thread is heartbreaking...

I wasn't smacked very often (and never by my father) and the last time my mother went to slap me was when I was about 14. I caught her hand and said "Don't you hit me...". She didn't do it again. She, though, really does believe that smacking children is wrong so I can only imagine that I was being particularly "challenging".

I do not and would not smack my DD.

Oblomov · 16/03/2011 19:52

Born 73. 2 brothers, 3 and 5 yrs older than me. Never smacked. none of us. Never needed to be. we were just well behaved. it would never have occured to us, not to be. my mum and dad were completely loving, but firm and fair.

I smacked ds1 quite a few times. not as a toddler. before he was 4. I had tried every other parenting technique I knew. He pushed and pushed us. It was despair. I begged and begged for help. got nothing. enrolled on parenting, she told me she could teach me nothing.
2 years later, when he is 7, they suggest possible aspergers and oppositional defiance.

myfriendflicka · 16/03/2011 19:59

I was born in the early 60s, a teenager in the 70s. My parents both hit me but my mother was worst - very violent, hit me around the head all the time. She called it a "clip round the ear" with grim relish and she seemed to hate me and want to ani. I used to flinch away from her and she would say: "Don't flinch", and hit me anyway. I felt weedy and pathetic and ashamed, being scared of her. I did try to stand up for myself later, but probably not enough.

My father was a more knickers down type, but he was also sexually abusive, so no surprise there. This thread is very sad, I won't look at it now I have posted. I never hit my kids - when my husband hit my daughter on the bottom for running across the road without looking when she was two, I went so mad at him he never dared do it again. His family were much more loving, so the odd smack was not so devastating.

Sympathy to all those who have experienced this sort of childhood violence, it has terrible consequences for your self esteem.

I am not a fan of the anonymity of internet forums, I think it can lead to people behaving badly to each other, but this is very necessary and threads like this are helpful, you realise that there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone in having experienced these things.

cory · 16/03/2011 20:26

I was born in early 60s but abroad where smacking was unusual even then. Didn't happen to me, didn't happen to my friends. We'd have thought it weird. tbh I don't even think my parents were smacked: my dad was very much pfb who (according to my gran) never put a toe out of line, my mum's parents were but very good with children, gentle but with plenty of natural authority, so don't suppose they felt the need.

classybint · 16/03/2011 20:48

Born 67 never had my pants pulled down, but i did get the slipper!

thumbwitch · 16/03/2011 20:58

oh maypole - you were chucked out when you were 14 - where did you go?

onepieceoflollipop · 16/03/2011 21:14

My dad was a big fan of pants down smacking. Sad

He was warped from his own childhood, used to say proudly (wtf) that his own father last beat him when he was 22 years of age.

I think we were meant to be grateful that we were "only" smacked, not beaten.

He had an evil temper.

I found the pants down smacking (slipper on bare bum) very demeaning. I was very distressed as a young teenager (after I had started my periods) that he was continuing do this. I lived in fear and shame that I might have my period and he might insist on pants down. Makes me really sad now. I have never been able to say this to anyone in rl but am sure others here will understand.

btw I won't smack my own dcs. I have a quick temper and am very aware that if I hit it could get out of hand. Sad

muminthecity · 16/03/2011 21:26

I am so Sad reading this thread, and so sorry that some of you have had such awful experiences.

I was smacked a few times by my mum, and once or twice by my dad. They both did it in moments of anger at my bad behaviour and were always full of remorse afterwards. I don't have any hard feelings at all towards them, they were both loving, affectionate and not at all violent on the whole.

fantagrape · 16/03/2011 21:42

Both my parents had horrible tempers. I remember my mum smacking when my sister and I were smaller, but her favoured method of discipline was the destruction of my self esteem by taking out her anger and frustration on me, then making me believe I'd deserved it. She was also terrible for labelling "you're lazy" etc , didn't deal with just the incident, it always got personal.

My father had a violent temper, I remember some punches, also threatened to kill us once during a violent fury.

fantagrape · 16/03/2011 21:49

This thread is inducing a panic attack in me writing it down...

My fathers violence was simple to deal with, I cut him out of my world, avoided him where possible. My mother was harder to cope with.

The sad thing is that I struggle with my temper with my children. During a bad phase I smacked despite abhorring it. Thankfully I have come to my senses now. Sadly I feel the influence of my mother in my own parenting. But at least I am aware of it and try desperately to control it, I am winning.

YesPleaseDrChristian · 16/03/2011 22:05

Born in '73.

I was smacked on the backs of the legs when I had been really bad, not frequently but on occasion.

Think I was also smacked with the wooden spoon.

After a while all mum had to do was rattle the kitchen draw with the untensils in and I'd scuttle out of there.

I don't smack my children but do on occasion threaten to do it!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 16/03/2011 22:08

Born in 60. Smacked with a wooden spoon on a bare butt by my Mother, but never my Father. Once with a Scholl shoe by my Mother. That left a bruise!

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 22:33

I find this thread quite upsetting. I had no idea, I just wasn't smacked, I don't think that my parents were either.

ScaredOfCows · 17/03/2011 07:44

It is an upsetting thread, but for those of us who had the being hit, having things thrown at us, silent treatment childhoods, it is almost comforting to realise that we are not alone - well it is to me, anyway. I remember throughout my childhood trying to be inconspicuous, being scared of my mum almost all of the time. It has definitely affected my self esteem and ability to deal with negativity etc from others.

bronze · 17/03/2011 08:06

born early 80s
I read this thread and again thank my lucky stars for my parents.

I did get smacked occasionally. For extreme behaviour on the bum through clothes with a hand. I don't feel it's harmed me in anyway.

But reading some of these lives is horrifying and explains so clearly why some people are so against smacking. I think it depends what smacking means to you.
Mn has helped me huge amounts though as I've gone from very rarely smacking to not doing it at all.

Dhs mum used to fork him at the table. I've had to be bossy about that one as he seems to think its ok

littlepigshavebigears · 17/03/2011 09:20

My parents went in for all the variants of smacking really

pants down mega-humiliation - my stepfather and mother were both a bit weird and particularly enjoyed this one - my brother and sister suffered that more than me, although I did get it too

both also went in for too-graphic drawn out threats of physical punishment - I am pretty sure they got off on it tbh

also both would lash out in anger - my mother once hit me so hard across the face when I was about 8, I remember her sitting me on a stool in the kitchen with a wet cloth over it to stop it bruising

my stepfather was a foul-tempered bastard and had hard hands - he would bang his hand down on top of mine at the dinner table without warning, if I said something wrong or had my fork upside down

he also specialised in dizzyingly hard blaws to the head, usually from behind or the side so you didn't see it coming

I remember the sick dizzy shock feeling and trying to regain my balance afterwards, and then all the "it was just a tap" stuff later

fucking bastards

littlepigshavebigears · 17/03/2011 09:22

it would be fair to say I was fucking terrified throughout my entire childhood

I think at that age if you don't feel safe with your adults, at some level you believe that they might actually kill you, or abandon you or whatever

that is one reason why I don't smack and I try not to lose my temper

I never felt safe in my own home until the one I live in now with dh and the dc

and I am still on heavy medication for chronic depression and anxiety, still struggle to keep my head above water and will likely be on the pills for my whole life - I can't see me coping without them

thanks mum Hmm

MarioandLuigi · 17/03/2011 09:34

For me it was always so premeditated - I know myself that I get angry and I could lash out but I dont. My parents used to make me pull down my pants and bend over. I know that in the time it took my DS to do that my anger would have subsided.

I feel sick writing it, and I felt sick and scared then. I would never do that to my DCs and thats why I am so anti-smacking.

MarioandLuigi · 17/03/2011 09:34

For me it was always so premeditated - I know myself that I get angry and I could lash out but I dont. My parents used to make me pull down my pants and bend over. I know that in the time it took my DS to do that my anger would have subsided.

I feel sick writing it, and I felt sick and scared then. I would never do that to my DCs and thats why I am so anti-smacking.

MarioandLuigi · 17/03/2011 09:34

For me it was always so premeditated - I know myself that I get angry and I could lash out but I dont. My parents used to make me pull down my pants and bend over. I know that in the time it took my DS to do that my anger would have subsided.

I feel sick writing it, and I felt sick and scared then. I would never do that to my DCs and thats why I am so anti-smacking.

MarioandLuigi · 17/03/2011 09:35

For me it was always so premeditated - I know myself that I get angry and I could lash out but I dont. My parents used to make me pull down my pants and bend over. I know that in the time it took my DS to do that my anger would have subsided.

I feel sick writing it, and I felt sick and scared then. I would never do that to my DCs and thats why I am so anti-smacking.

MarioandLuigi · 17/03/2011 09:35

Sorry - My computer went wierd. Didnt mean to post if 4 times Blush