Smacking - how your parents did it?

[notalreadyinuse]

• [Message from MNHQ - please note, this thread was started in 2011]

I assume that most people who were young children in the 70s were smacked by their parents, but a thread today reminded me about something that has been bothering me.

My dad always pulled my pants down to smack me - until about the age of 8 I think when I think the smacking mostly stopped.

I wondered if this was "normal" then?

Namechanged for this one...

falling, I totally agree, but my GPs used emotional stuff against us, not physical violence. Their version of punishment totally destroyed my self esteem.

Whereas with my dad, when my sister and I hid all the cutlery under the sofa one time, we got a smack. The smack was for the behaviour. I never did that again.

I was born in the 70s too and was smacked quite a lot on face/bottom/wherever was within reach really, usually hard enough to leave marks. Pants down, bare bottom smacking was much rarer (reserved for my worst crimes ) and was never done in front of other people. I remember being hit with a hairbrush on at least once occasion.

I don't feel it's done me any long-term harm - maybe because my parents only ever smacked in red-hot anger. I think the dread of knowing that you're going to get beaten e.g. when dad gets home is worse than the pain of being hit (my dsis and I used to beat the crap out of each other daily in any case). I wouldn't smack my own children, but that's more because I don't think it's an effective method of behaviour management than because I think it's wrong.

My mum used to threaten us with a carpet beater and would beat the sofa with it saying that we would be next!

I don't recall being smacked when young, but I do very clearly remember being walloped about the head and shoulders, as I was crouching against the wall, on three separate occasions. I was in my early to mid teens.

That was by my mother. She was/is a highly confrontational, volatile woman who could lose her temper at the drop of a hat. I also witnessed her attacking two out of the four of my brothers, leading to quite nasty fights which I had to call the police to break up.

To hear her speak now, though, she believes she was completely innocent and blames us children for being violent. She will vehemently deny any accusations/memories and accuse us of being 'mad'.

I (we) believe she has mental issues.

thenightsky, that's horrid! Your mum scapegoated your sister - by beating the one, she controlled you both. Japanese prison-camp controllers used to do this, as it took up less manpower than finding & punishing individual culprits. I bet your sister was hit for stuff you did, too.

This is such an upsetting thread but an important one, notalready. My sister told me about a management workshop she went to, where the delegates were asked to describe how they look back on their childhood: most talked about sunshine, laughing, feeling safe but one said "frightened". My sister was gobsmacked. She'd never realised anyone apart from us felt that way! There's still way too much shame & secrecy around domestic abuse.

Me - can only isolate two or three incidents. I was the scapegoat and the others were all beaten regularly, so that says enough about my corporal "punishment" (for existing) as a child

I'm so sorry to hear about those posters who still flinch and watch your backs. What a legacy :(

I was a child in the 60s, and a teenager in the 70s. I was smacked quite often by my mum, with whatever was in her hand at the time - hairbrush, frying pan, rolling pin. I'd always done something I shouldn't (been cheeky usually), and it was always in the heat of the moment. She must've had some restraint, because I don't remember any bruises. She forcibly washed my mouth out with soapy water once for swearing too.

By the time I was a teenager, she usually got Dad to do it. My sisters and I really feared the "whippy stick", which was a short piece of cane. we used to hide them under the stair carpet, which was fastened down with rods. I used to fight back, and Mum still mentions with strong disapproval "the time you tore your dad's jumper". I was thirteen or fourteen, and my dad was trying to hit me, FGS.

Writing it down makes it seem like child abuse, and of course by today's standards it was. But I would far rather have had the smacks, which were quickly over, than be sent to my room, ostracised from the family for the evening.

By the way, I think of my childhood as a loving and happy one.

Yy Butterbur, I was smacked but never grounded, and my parents NEVER ignored or blanked me or gave me the silent treatment (I probably wished my mum would give me the silent treatment!). I won't ever do that to my children either.

I still have a slight scar on my right buttock from where my Mum once hit my bare arse with a garden cane. It was fucking painful and it made me vow never to hit my children. What was worse was that she did it to my sister first and so I saw her pain and I was bloody terrified. My sister and I sobbed for hours.

She also hit us with slippers, wooden clogs and she once bit me really hard that she drew blood.

This was in the late 80's/early 90's.

A lot of my most vivid memories from childhood involve my parents hitting me, or the fear of being hit ('wait until you get home' etc). I wouldn't want that for my children.

a wet wooden spoon, grabbed from draining board as me and my brother started wrestling when we should have been drying up

on back of legs

It was becasue he was mad at us, not because of what we were actually doing

We were also sent to our rooms for hours on end and made to sit in the middle of our rooms, legs crossed so that we wouldnt be comfortable.

Born in 66 grew up with just Mum and brother and remember only one slap around 9yo

Smacked my 7ish dd once and seeing her crying and shock made me utterly ashamed and havent done it since

Am a strict parent but I believe physical punishment is abuse

A1980 my Mum was attacking me with slaps, punches, kicks, spitting in my face until I was 19, she only stopped when I slapped her back and shoved her bodily away from me across a room as well. Ilovesprouts What were we supposed to do, take it forever?

I was born in 1971.

I didn't get pants down or anything, my Mum was too busy attacking me as she would another adult to do that. She had no restraint at all.

I flinched or ducked whenever my Mum approached me to, even to be affectionate, that used to make her mad too. I love the fact that my kids don't flinch no matter how rapidly I move to do something. They just look to see what I am doing.

My parents were and are ignorers too. My Dad didn't speak a word to me for three months after he read something in my diary he didn't like. Wanker.

My mum used to hit us with anything that came to hand. I've been thinking about my childhood quite a lot recently as I'm expecting my first child and I thought I'd forgiven her but I don't think I have. My relationship feels a bit strained with her suddenly, and I feel pretty angry with her again for it all.

There is one incident in particular that I keep thinking about. We were at Alton Towers, I was about 11, and my mum and I were on a pretty tame round but it was spinning around fast. I was wearing an elasticated alice band in my hair and as we spun round it flew off. She dug her fingernails hard into the back of my hand and hissed at me that I was in for it when we got back home. I hadn't actually done anything wrong! It makes me want to cut off contact with her.

This thread has made me really angry and sad. My ex was an abusive wanker too and my Mum used to tell me I was "weak" for putting up with it. No! conditioned to accept abuse as normal by you, you witch!

This thread is horrific. :(

I was smacked til I was probably about 5 or 6? Usual smack on bum or clip round ear. I remember a big bum smack incident when I was about 4 and my dad really whacked me hard on the bum.

I knew they loved me, I had better behaviour. No last harm done!

If really pushed after 2 - 3 weeks of the same repeated naughty behaviour, my kids get a smacked hand, if they dare it again, its a smacked arse. This is after 2 weeks of sitting on step, no tv, toys away blah blah.

I never hit my mum back, but do clearly remember the day I stood up to her finally - she went to slap me and I grabbed her arm and shoved her hard away from me. We didn't say anything, but we both knew that was it, no more. This was mid-90s, I would have been about 15 or 16 I think. I wouldn't really blame anyone who did hit back.

I was born in the 70s.

In our house you were hit until you cried. If you didn't cry then you would be hit repeatedly until you did. I can remember being about 6yrs old and over my mum's knee while she shouted "cry!" with each hit.

I don't think we had pants pulled down but nothing would surprise me tbh.

both my parents smacked me, very hard. usually the backs on my legs, bottom and round the face. when i was older my dad pushed me up against the wall and held a razor blade to my throat.

didnt do me any damage though

I agree knittedbreats - I dont think it did me any damage - but it made me realise that I would never want my children to feel that scared.

My parents rarely smacked, but when they did my mum would just do it with her hand, but my dad would do it with a wooden spoon...or a kitchen spatula that we called 'the licking stick'! Me and my brother aren't damaged by it at all, in fact, we even have a a laugh about 'the licking stick' nowdays. I'm 23 and he's 16.

born early 70's ,my father would belt me with the leather belt he wore after chasing me upstairs to my room ,he would go mental belting me til he calmed down.My mother would be screaming for him to stop ,continued right thru my teens,left home at 16yo. My father last ragged me about the week b4 my wedding ,i was 32yo.
I accepted violence as normal in the 16yr relationship i had with my X.
Both my X and my father said it was my fault ,torn clothes ,grabbing and dragging ,beating and throttling all my fault.
Good thing is I no longer excuse or tolerate anyones loss of self control any longer.