So he has gone at last..why do I feel so wretched?

[memorylapse]

Following on from my previous threads, H finally left today after confessing he had strong feelings for the woman he had the EA with, he said he cant shake them off, he thought by staying, that the feelings would sbside, but they havent, he said he cares for me, but that he doesnt feel a spark etc. We had been coasting since christmas anyway..

He reckons he hasnt gone to stay with her..yeah right..I should be releived that I finally have some closure..instead I feel tortured..I keep imagining them together, laughing and joking at work,etc..I feel sick

ML, honey, you are not even a week into this, after so long, of course the first week or so will be hard.

Please just be kind to yourself, try and stay busy, try to get some rest. Get what you need to get done during the day, and in front of the DC, then when they are all tucked up in bed, you can come on here and vent, cry or just simper. We'll be here.

You are going to get speed bumps, like I did yesterday, but today is another day, and I'm OK, I'll live.

In a few days literally, you will realise that you don't miss the tension, the atmosphere, once that kicks in, you know your own personal Spring is on the way.

Have a great day today... Oh and Happy St Patricks Day...

Erm rent.... HB... AFAIK, it gets paid to you! Your landlord wouldn't automatically know you are getting it, unless you tell him.

Housing Benefit went through a period of being paid directly to the landlord but I'm pretty sure that's stopped now, something to do with some LLs being a bit tricksy with it if it was over paid and them not returning it, but I could be remembering that wrong.

The reason most places won't take HB tenants is not because of any stereotyping on the part of the LL or the agent, it's because of the house insurance/mortage people. I know this because I am a LL and my mortgage company would only allow me to rent the house out if I did NOT take anyone who is on HB.

So - if you get the HB paid directly to you then it would probably be better if you didn't let him know about it; but if he asks, or you have to sign a new contract as a sole tenant and it asks you in there, you really should declare it or you would be acting illegally. And if his mortgage company won't allow him to let to a HB recipient then you might have to move.

You could ring your benefits office at the council to ask them about how housing benefit is paid; then go to CAB about this and ask them. There might be ways around it, especially as you are a long-term tenant and a good one.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but you do need to act legally.

Should add that this won't necessarily be the case with all landlords - it does depend on the mortgage company and whether or not they actually still have a mortgage of course!
BTW, my confusion over whether it is the mortgage or the house insurance people is because I have both mine with the same operator.

That sounds like good advice Thumb :)

(how's your oven/oven door these days??)

ML - how was your shopping spree today?? What did you buy?

Thanks for that advice Thumbwitch..I will investigate it as I thought it would be paid direct to the landlord.

Chipping..today I bought funky purple sequin curtain panels for MY bedroom, funky cushions ands ome wall canvasses. My room has been well and truly pimped!

loving the visuals of your room, ML

hee hee, hee, I bought bright turquoise and pink floral duvet set today... not got the cushions yet, but see Cargo have half price sale...

ML, your new sanctum sounds adorable!

I love it, its my new sanctuary, if he could see it he would probably break out in a cold sweat

even better news..Im going to Glasto this year..something to seriously look forward to

ohh, ML, I would love to go to Glastonbury

I have never done it

Just to chip in ML - I get HB paid direct to me and my landlord doesn't know (I was credit checked before I started on HB)

Thanks Slashtrophe

PA..Im really chuffed, Im a face and body artist and Ive been asked by a heavily pregnant friend to take her place on the kidz field, with a free ticket to the event..am literally jumping with excitement

Pete, I sat there last time watching Glasto on telly thinking, Oh these bands area ACE, I'd love to see them live.

But I don't really DO tents.... or slumming it. I don't even do no-frills airlines...

Anyone got a campervan/winnebago Pete and I can borrow?

We will borrow Kate Moss's trailer thingy

Not that I have the kind of budget, but look!

Failing that Pete, I have a week in Snowdonia in August.

I'll pick you up en route - bring your thermals....

waves to everyone ,just remember as long as kids have one stable parent they will be fine.Look after urself cos u are number one now and the kids will be fine .ML i was 16yrs with X too,but im over the worst of it and yep the peace and positivity in my home is the biggest gift i can give my kids.
This is a time for growth now and u will grow emotionally and become so strong .Big hugs ,crying is healing dont repress it feel all the emotion then keep moving forwards.

must admit..its a long time since I did the camping thing..but..I am rediscovering the old me

I slept like a baby last night for the first time in weeks..I think the bottle of baileys helped

feel a bit more positive today, keep telling myself that him NOT being in my life is far better than him being IN my life..he made me unhappy, his behaviour made me unhappy, he did not show me any love or concern.. I DONT need him

Patience, despite your U and urself usage I thank you!

Your post is a really good point to remember, peace and positivity! Happiness and calm - what more is there to life?

Wow, ML - big moves in a short space! Love the sound of your room makeover :).
Glastonbury is one of those things that I have always liked the idea of but am pretty sure I wouldn't have enjoyed the reality of - I don't like tents, insanitary loo arrangements or not being able to get any sleep due to everyone else partaying til dawn local noise - but I still wish I'd done it when I was younger. Wow to the body art thing - sounds fab! Are you one of those who does pregnant bumps?

LMHF - your new bedroom stuff sounds fab too.

(Chipping - thanks for remembering - the oven has been replaced with an electric one at vast expense because it needed hard-wiring in and the previous wiring had been removed, it appears - my lovely Dad took care of the payment so I didn't have to worry about it; plus I have nice new tenants now. The agent says that the house is looking better kept in the two week since they've been there than the whole time the previous tenants had it.)

It's what keeps me going hissy tbh .I just think why would I want to be with someone that hurts me.
Re text speak ,funniest thing since X hooked up with 21 gf is his texting now consists of things like " kl" and " l8rs " ROFL.
Ml glad u had a good sleep ,keep looking after yourself like you are your new best friend x

thumbwitch..yep Im a pregnant bump painter too

going to see some friends for the weekend later today, taking my wee one but the other kids are going to my mums

patience..thank you for the positive words