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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So he has gone at last..why do I feel so wretched?

136 replies

memorylapse · 14/03/2011 12:56

Following on from my previous threads, H finally left today after confessing he had strong feelings for the woman he had the EA with, he said he cant shake them off, he thought by staying, that the feelings would sbside, but they havent, he said he cares for me, but that he doesnt feel a spark etc. We had been coasting since christmas anyway..

He reckons he hasnt gone to stay with her..yeah rightHmm..I should be releived that I finally have some closure..instead I feel tortured..I keep imagining them together, laughing and joking at work,etc..I feel sickSad

OP posts:
Original poster
memorylapse · 14/03/2011 22:58

thank you thumbwitch..I have done a lot of crying in the last few hours,I honestly couldnt imagine being with anyone else right now..with the exception of Noel FieldingWink

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 14/03/2011 23:02

Noel eh ?

now I know you need to be on your own for a bit Grin

ML, I am so sorry, but you will be ok, I promise you x

thumbwitch · 14/03/2011 23:03

well I think that's a very healthy attitude to have (apart from Noel Fielding, of course Wink) - you're going to need some time to find yourself again, because it's been so long since you've been true to yourself! You can't entirely go back to the way you were either, because you have grown a lot in 16y; so you have to do some kind of mental simulation thing of how you would have been 16y after you met your ex if you hadn't married him. It's do-able - but it will take you a little time. However, you will manage it! :)

Original poster
memorylapse · 14/03/2011 23:15

Peter Andre..yep you are probably rightGrin

Thumbwitch.I shall be doing a lot of thinking and getting back in touch with myself, when I met H I was 22, Im now 38..

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 08:27

checking in

Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 08:51

Im still here, had a rotten night, didnt get to sleep until 2 am. Am going to buy some cushions for downstairs to day, funky ones..he hated cushions with a passion Grin

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 09:02

We shall help you to thump them fluff them up.

Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 12:10

havent been out to buy the cushions yet, have the children at home..sadly the realisation that Daddy wasnt coming home hit..and it hit my 6 year old hardest, she has cried all morning..so have I..

I hate him for what hes putting those children through

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 15/03/2011 12:57

oh memory - so :( for you all. I never understand why men can't engage brain before they create this amount of devastation - but that's because I don't have a dick and don't think like one.

Was trying to find a pic of our latest cushion purchase (I have ishoos with buying cushions - I like them so much but have to limit myself Blush) but couldn't find a decent pic. You'd like it, I think - deep chocolate brown silk, with a claret silk panel on one side, embroidered with laser-cut gold sequins in butterfly patterns. Very nice! and on sale. DS wanted one and I liked it so why not!

Can you all go shopping together and let the DC have some input into choosing the cushions? It might be quite nice for them to realise that there will be upsides to not having Daddy around....

Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 13:50

he said that he still cared about me as the mother of his children, but stopped looking at me like a wife a long time agoAngry pity he didnt tell me that before he got me pregnant again the b***d.

will go cushion shopping tomorrow, your cushion sounds lovely Thumbwitch

OP posts:
ZuzuBailey · 15/03/2011 14:09

"Am going to buy some cushions for downstairs to day, funky ones..he hated cushions with a passion"

Mine hated cushions too, memorylapse, that's why I bought half a dozen Huge Furry ones when he left.

And new, girly bedding just for me.

I couldn't stop cleaning for weeks as well Grin

Keep your chin up x

PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 17:23

aww, sweetie

poor you, and poor kids

he is a twat

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/03/2011 17:36
Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 20:10

thanks all..
weeell..Im going to a gym induction tomorrow..time for a new me!Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 20:11

p.s PA..yep you are definitely on the money there..hes a T W A TGrin

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 20:12
Smile

let us know how you get on

and don't forget the cushions...you will need something to rest your sore gluteals on Wink

Original poster
memorylapse · 15/03/2011 20:47

he! he!..Im going to ache in places I didnt know existed tomorrow!!

OP posts:
SlightlyMadSpook · 15/03/2011 20:52

Hi,

Another one who is in a similar position....XP moves out next week after a similar story. There is a Chin up tits out thread that have offered fab support.

PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 20:59

"Dumplings" is the thread, in the Relationships topic

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/03/2011 21:04

SlightlyMadSpook: you poor thing, it's worse immediately before. Once he has gone, you will feel some relief.

I had a pain in my throat that I thought was an infection, tonsillitis. Turns out that it was that pain you get when you are trying not to cry. I had it for 4 or 5 days straight. Until he went.

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/03/2011 21:04

I'm on a diet, lost 2kg this week. Will brave exercise when there is lest bulk to throw about!

thumbwitch · 15/03/2011 21:07

LMHF - you certainly sound a lot brighter than you did a week ago! Glad you're starting to feel a lot better.

SMS - good luck with losing the dead weight in your life. :)

Memory - take it easy at the gym - you don't want to pull a muscle! Lots of stretching and going slowly for a while, ok? Have a 'good' time anyway - exercise does help with producing feel-good chemicals in the bod.

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/03/2011 22:50

Thanks thumb! I don't cry anymore. Only well up.

trouble is, that I stupidly spoke to him and he has now stated that we are on a break, so somehow I still feel weighed down by him again. I have now to forget all that, try to tune him out again.

I do feel better in myself, I'm working more, earning more, buying a car on Thursday, dumping the old one, getting my bank balance back under control (seeing as he's not draining it anymore, and in fact I drained HIS account the other week!)

I'm doing my same old trick, isolating the incident, brushing past it and now back 'helping' on MN....

PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 23:00

hisso...don't hold it in

you know where we are, if you need us

thumbwitch · 16/03/2011 00:09

LMHF - he might think you are on a break, but a break can be permanent! So free yourself - you have broken with him now, it can and will stay that way. And stop speaking to him! Emails only, texts if you really have to. No talking.

When my ex used to phone to discuss arrangements, my neck hairs used to start crawling and I'd often feel quite lightheaded/dizzy. Not a good sign! So glad I don't ever have to speak to him again (no DC).