I've just discovered a stash of women's clothes in my husband's wardrobe

[speculationisrife]

In a size 16, and I'm an 8-10 (and so is his sister). I'm not sure whether to be more troubled that he hasn't told me about them, or that there is a Per Una peasant-style skirt in there. Seriously, though, I was just looking to pinch a hanger when he was out last night and noticed them at the end of the shirts and trousers. It may seem odd that I've only just seen them, but we have quite big wardrobes and put away our own clothes.

In the past we've had 'jokey' conversations in which he's implied he wouldn't be averse to dressing up. And, honestly, I don't have a problem with it, just would find it a bit of a turn off if he did it in front of me.

So... do I keep quiet and assume it's his private thing and let him keep it that way. Or do I say something so that he knows it's OK with me, and not something he has to be embarrassed about (apart from the Per Una skirt and the dress with the girly smocking, of course, both of which he damn well should be embarrassed about)? I'm wondering if, given that they were left in plain-ish sight, he might quite like me to know.

I guess it's always possible I've got completely the wrong end of the stick, but they are new without tags, so I can't imagine what else they'd be for.

I've namechanged, by the way, as I know quite a few local MNers in RL. If I don't respond quickly it's because I'm trying to get to work and, once there, actually do some work. Would appreciate your advice, though.

I'm with you on that ST - I like some per una ( the colourful hippy stuff ) - and it was Marks & Spencers saviour.... ( from a business point of view)

I have quite a few bits of Per Una, and my style is very much "rock chick"... and when I have to wear something slightly more conventional, that is usually the only place I can find something that I like..

skulks off to reassess wardrobe....

ahhh Carmina!! see, I think me and you may be on the same wavelength here!

at Flisspaps - Per Una.

OP - what's your gut reaction to this? What did you think when you saw it?

- we must meet up!

No, she doesn't, carmina. I was just thinking of the only other woman who he could conceivably be storing clothes for.

squeaky - no, definitely not his mum's, she is petite too, and 76 - they are not her style!

Thanks, myfriendsdh, that's useful. I'm not sure if it was meant to but the vicar and tarts story made me giggle

Viva - I would be very surprised if it was something that he'd want to do more frequently or leave the house in women's clothes. He likes clothes and likes to dress up for occasions (nice suit, coat, etc.,), and does like to draw attention to himself as an attractive man with a good-looking woman (that's me, by the way ), but not in a flamboyant way, if that makes sense. How would I feel if he did? I think I'd make like Grayson Perry's wife and try to be extra fabulous myself! I'm almost coming round to the idea...

Flisspaps - Quite - the horror.

JessicaDrew - thanks! And to Attila - I appreciate it - I'm not quite sure how this will pan out in the end - always good to know there's advice there if needed.

I love that this has turned into a Per Una thread while I was pouring my heart out [sob]

Mouseface - my gut reaction? Slightly shocked and then not entirely surprised... A bit surprised but not 100%...

Still very undecided as to what, if anything, to do.

Its like that thread about something which turned into a jitty/ginnel/snicket thread.

Sorry Op

Ahh, Viva, yet another one I've missed. D'you know what, though, I think I prefer the Per Una thread. Maybe I should just go home, shag him senseless, and then post in Style and Beauty.

OP

What do you think YOU should do?

It's interesting that you weren't completely surprised. When he told you before that he wouldn't be averse to dressing up, what did you say to him?

I don't know how I'd react. It would be a massive turn off, to be honest. I wouldn't want to sleep with a man who fancied himself in a frock. At the same time, if you love him, it's awful to think of him going through that on his own. I do think those clothes were hidden in plain view - I can't help but think that he wanted you to find them.

The poster who told us about her friend's reaction was interesting and probably the closest to how I'd respond. Let him do it, don't come home unexpectedly and don't have sex. But then what happens to the marriage?

Bloody hell, don't you wish they'd tell you things like this before you marry them?

Op; I was trying to make light of a difficult situation ( you know sometimes that helps ) I'm sorry.

I think you should ignore it - he's not hurting anyone, and imo, everyone is entitled to a bit of a private life. Just because you're married doesn't mean you own that person and need to be part of every move they make. I understand the 'shock' - but honestly, it could be worse - He could be wearing clothes from Asda.

sorry Spec
having visions of you rolling peruna skirt up and jumping on him
will search Style and Beauty for intimate details lol

I have a trio of male friends (one happily married) who like cross dressing. One is now going for all-out transgender, but the other two just really like it.

The GF (now wife) of one of them dealt prgamatically with the situation by offering to go shopping with him!
He took some pride in the fact that in some dresses he looked better than she did... and quite a few of us half expected them to turn up at the reg office in matching dresses

pragmatically
(sigh)

carmina - it's fine - I was making light too. I totally agree with what you say about privacy and not owning the person you marry - well put. Hence my difficulty in deciding whether I should or shouldn't say anything. As it doesn't bother me on any serious level (more than mild discomfort), I'm not sure whether he'd prefer it to be private or not. Part of me thinks he would, and part of me wonders whether he left them easily found as he wants me to know. Mind you, wanting me to know doesn't mean he wants to have an in-depth discussion about it.

I generally think he's the more sensitive one and I'm the tough one, so I'd rather deal with any of my own ishoos by myself than cause him pain that he will dwell on. Hmmmm. I shall mull it over...

Thanks again to everyone - you've been fab, as ever.

moonbells - I like that, and that your friendship group obviously think it's fine. I'm sure that wouldn't go down well in some circles, but we have a pretty broad group of friends, from accountants to artists, so I'm sure they'd cope! Although in all honestly even if it does become open between the two of us, I can't imagine it ever going further than the house.

Speculationisrife;

Sounds like you'll deal with this perfectly. And You could be right, he might have wanted you to 'find' the clothes - but I still wouldn't say anything - if that was his intention he'll be a little more 'careless' in a few weeks - talk about it then

I wish you both the best of luck -

Speculationisrife on a lighter note
get him a maids outfit and introduce him to the vacuum and duster!!!!!

Yes, very good point, carmina - I think that's what I'll do - wait and see if he points me to it in a more obvious way.

Jessica - now it's funny you should say that, but DH actually does about 90% of the housework (sans maid's outfit)! He also works his arse off in his job and is at home with dd two days a week. Seems rude to take umbrage at a few dresses in the wardrobe, really, doesn't it?

Speculation-I just wanted to say how marvellously down to earth you sound,it's refreshing to read on this boards.

I would be mentioning the clothes as I wouldn't want anything lingering on my mind and I think it's always best to approach issues head on.

Crossdressing wouldn't be a huge issue for me but can understand how others would find it hard to live with.

I have a friend who cross dresses and goes to great lengths to hide the fact he does (none of his family know or girlfriends when he has them),I find it deeply sad as he always feels like he is living a lie.No one should feel like that because of the fear of prejudice.

Anyway,best of luck!

I think if I were in your position Spec, I would have to mention it sooner rather than later too. Or you end up going down the road of asking veiled questions, looking for clues, worrying, and it builds up into a much bigger thing between the two of you.

I would be honest, find a moment when you know you will have the time to talk, and explain exactly what happened, and just innocently ask who they belong to. There could be some really bizarre but totally innocent explanation, or it could be that he is into cross dressing, but I think you have to find this out now, and not be dwelling on it before you broach the subject.

I thought this thread was gonna take a diff route

I'd use the so I went in the wardrobe the other day...

Hi OP,

Have to say I would have to mention it personally, but that's just me.

They were not really hidden so it seems as if he knew all along you would find them at some point. Sounds as if he was too scared to say it to you

It's like he wanted you to dind them, mull it over and then casually mention it. If he wanted to keep this top notch secret he'd have hidden them a lot better than in his own cupboard.