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Original poster

things went too far with a work colleague and not sure how to act when we meet

84 replies

KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:02

About 3 weeks ago a member of my team visited me at lunch time. I've been working at home since my DH left me (used to be office based) and we work in the same team. They were in the area near where I live doing a site visit so came round for lunch and to drop off some work stuff/ take some back to the office.

Anyhow - not sure how it happened but things got heated and I'm a bit embarrassed about it all and have sort of pretended it didn't happen. He texted me later that day but we've had not contact since..other than work related correspondence.

I suppose whats prompted me to post is that we have a team meeting on Mon and I'm not sure how to act, whether to say anything or not.....

OP posts:
ClaraMay · 05/03/2011 20:05

Do you mean you had sex? Just kissed?

squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 20:15

I would act exactly as you did before the home visit.

If you have not spoken about it since, then it doesnt appear to be something that is going to go any further, so just act professional, and as if it never happened.

Thingumy · 05/03/2011 20:21

I don't think you can just ignore that you had physical contact with his chap.

Can't you just have a chat with him and say you don't plan engaging in a repeat performance?

Just be a adult about it.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:21

oh gawd... yes we did have sex Blush....I'm so good at compartmentalising (is that a word?) my life I've hardly thought about it until this afternoon whilst I was shopping and it hit me like a brick.

Ok so act professional....but I dont want to seem cold. He's quite a sensitive/ awkward type really.

OP posts:
molemesseskilledIpom · 05/03/2011 20:28

Just act as normal.

If it's something that you both want to carry on, you will both find a way - if not. Then at least you got your leg over.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:32

well I dont really want it to carry on - I dont have the time or energy for a new relationship.

he has a long term girlfriend so most probably feels the same way - but if I'm honest he may have had a soft spot for me for some while.....

arrrrhh so stupid sometimes

do you think I should text him now before the meeting??

OP posts:
molemesseskilledIpom · 05/03/2011 20:33

Dont bother texting - just act as normal.

It was a bit of fun, you both had that, now move on. It's nothing to get stressed over.

squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 20:34

Honestly, I have been in this situation Blush many years ago before I got married I hasten to add!!! And it was the MD of the company Blush not the best career move.

Trust me on this, act as if it never happened. IF he approaches you, and mentions it, what would you like to happen? (is he married?).. are you interested in taking it further? (hopefully not if he is married).. if you are then fine, see how it goes, but if it has all been business as normal since it happened, even with email contact, then its fairly safe to assume it was just a one off as far as he is concerned too.

Be professional, dont let your personal life affect the business relationship.

Thingumy · 05/03/2011 20:36

Actually a quick text to him may stop any anxieties brooding before your meeting on Monday.

He sounds a decent chap whose respectful,he sent one text and then left you alone.

It will all be fine,am sure Smile.

Thingumy · 05/03/2011 20:37

Shot me for not reading past the first sentence.

Scrap the decent bit.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:43

thanks squeaky- honestly it was really out of character for me...and him as well i think. Did you manage to work with the MD ok afterwards?

he texted me afterwards saying he was sorry if I regretted it and asked if i was ok and i replied 'i'm fine'. The its just been work emails but not ones just between us...between the whole team.

OP posts:
Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:46

oh thigumy - he is a decent chap truly. I know he has a partner but he really is not the sort who would have an affair

OP posts:
Thingumy · 05/03/2011 20:50

I wouldn't text now I've read he has a long term partner.

Maybe just clear the air on Monday with him and say you wish to put the sex behind you and remain on a professional level.

Best all around methinks

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:54

yes I think you're right...I'll try to act normal

thanks again

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 20:59

Yep, I carried on working there for a couple of years, but I did always feel a bit awkward about it. We were both single though.

I cross posted with you so hadnt seen the long term gf bit.. so I definately stand with what I said, dont even mention it.

If you try to clear the air, its possible he could turn round and say something quite hurtful back, which would then sour any future working relationship. Let sleeping dogs lie is certainly the best way forward.

wileycoyote · 06/03/2011 21:55

I'd take him aside at work and let him know I wanted to put it behind me and not have any repeat performances if I was you. Otherwise it is left hanging. I would't put it in writing.

paternal · 06/03/2011 22:06

Ha! I love the hypocrisy on here!!!

No offence, but she slept with a man knowing he had a long term partner. Ok it was reciprocal, which means he is just as bad. But if a man had said the same thing, that he had slept with a work colleague, while his girlfriend was at home. You guys would have strung him up!!!

Because the OP is a woman you give her advise, if it had been a man, it would have been about the shame, the disgust.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 06/03/2011 22:09

She's not the one cheating on a partner, he is. OP is single.
I'd advise saying nothing unless he brings the subject up, and if he does, just say that it was nice but you're not looking for any more, let's put it behind us.

mayorquimby · 06/03/2011 22:12

"which means he is just as bad. But if a man had said the same thing, that he had slept with a work colleague, while his girlfriend was at home. You guys would have strung him up!!!"

well yeah, because he'd be the one in a committed relationship.

paternal · 06/03/2011 22:16

"which means he is just as bad. But if a man had said the same thing, that he had slept with a work colleague, while his girlfriend was at home. You guys would have strung him up!!!"

well yeah, because he'd be the one in a committed relationship.

Ok, yer I see the mistake with my rational there. Whoops :) but still, she knew he had a GF and still consented.

loopylou6 · 07/03/2011 10:30

Agree with paternal.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 07/03/2011 19:48

yes he does have a partner and I dont know a great deal about how that relationship is, except that he has never talked about her a great deal. They don't have kids and aren't married so although I know it wasnt deal I dont feel too guilty. I appreciate the practical advice I've had.

So I deliberately turned up with minutes to spare, usually am there early and have a chat with the team. Walked into the conference room and another collegue said 'oh X was getting worried you weren't coming' at which point X looked really embarrased. Anyhow, meeting went on and I acted as normal. There's another site visit we need to do in April which I volunteered for as its in easter hols so my parents can have kids overnight and not worry about school, but its a complicated one so another team member needs to come - anyhow X volunteered in the meeting Shock so now its minuted that we'll do this visit together and it will involve overnight stay. Not sure what I think about this. As we left the meeting he asked me to let him know the dates I've arranged it for as he knows I have to check exact dates with my parents for childcare.

Had to then talk to my boss so went to find X afterwards but he was on a call and then I had to go so could get to kids in time so havent had the chance to clear the air.

If I didnt know X I'd say he was looking for a shag by volunteering for this trip with me but I know he isnt like that so not sure what his agenda is. really need to sort this....maybe I should call him tomorrow?

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 07/03/2011 20:01

Looks like he is looking to play away from home, Sounds like a horrid little man, stay well clear

PeterAndreForPM · 07/03/2011 20:01

You let yourself get manoevred into an over night stay after all that you have said ?

I just lost what sympathy I had for you Hmm

RunAwayWife · 07/03/2011 20:03

OP if you become the other woman we will have to insult your cheap perfume Grin