Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

things went too far with a work colleague and not sure how to act when we meet

84 replies

KidderminsterKate · 05/03/2011 20:02

About 3 weeks ago a member of my team visited me at lunch time. I've been working at home since my DH left me (used to be office based) and we work in the same team. They were in the area near where I live doing a site visit so came round for lunch and to drop off some work stuff/ take some back to the office.

Anyhow - not sure how it happened but things got heated and I'm a bit embarrassed about it all and have sort of pretended it didn't happen. He texted me later that day but we've had not contact since..other than work related correspondence.

I suppose whats prompted me to post is that we have a team meeting on Mon and I'm not sure how to act, whether to say anything or not.....

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 11:56

kate ? really ?

you just fell onto his penis ?

I thought it was a fallacy that people really used that as an excuse...

TobyLerone · 08/03/2011 12:04

"They don't have kids and aren't married so although I know it wasnt ideal I dont feel too guilty."

Uh huh. That's alright then.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 08/03/2011 12:31

no - it was odd. We had lunch, we were chatting and laughing and he suddenly kissed me and then it got raunchy and I went with it. It was a complete suprise and almost like being in a trance. But no, I didnt 'fall' on it and yes probably could have stopped it if I really wanted too.

Tobylerone - no its not 'ok' but I am single and have no ties. I might feel differently if he was married/ had kids and was in a 'serious' relationship but that really is his responsibility - not mine.

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 08/03/2011 12:37

I would back out of the site meeting as one thing can lead to another even if you have no intention atm.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 08/03/2011 12:41

So a lunchtime meeting at your house turned into a sex session that "just happened"?

Yet you think you'll both have more willpower in a hotel, after you've already been sexually intimate and perhaps after you've had a few drinks? Really? Hmm

I think there are clues in your actions about what's going to happen next. You've already let yourself off the hook by saying it wasn't so bad as he's not married and he doesn't have children. You've rationalised that your boss wouldn't mind much if it did and you're passing the responsibility over to your colleague to bail out of the trip.

If you don't want anything to happen, given that you seriously believe you have such low willpower that sex with a colleague at lunchtime "just happens", then ask him to stand down from the trip. If he doesn't do that, ask your manager to assign someone else, or ask someone else in the team to take your place.

TobyLerone · 08/03/2011 13:26

What I mean is since when did a relationship need to contain a marriage certificate or children in order to be considered 'serious'?

FourFortyFour · 08/03/2011 13:38

If it "just happened" did you use contraception. I am sure if you were pregnant his partner would have something to say about it.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 08/03/2011 14:21

I don't want to change my visit. i have to do them as part of my contract so if I dont go over easter hols it will be far too difficult to arrange during school term as I dont live close to my parents.

It won't happen again and it shouldn't have happened in the first place. He is clear on that. I'm sure his partner would be gutted if she knew and i would never want to intentionally hurt anyone so would be seriously ashamed if she ever found out. I'm sure she won't.

I dont know if he used a condom. maybe I should find out.

OP posts:
Thingumy · 08/03/2011 14:28

I dont know if he used a condom

eh? How did you not know?

SummerRain · 08/03/2011 15:07

Here's a clue... did he stop once it got 'rauchy' and fiddle about with a plastic thing and his cock or didn't he? Hmm

PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 15:22

oh, it's ok then, as long as she doesn't find out Hmm

you sound like a predator, with all your glib justifications

how can you "not know" if he used a condom ?

fishier and fishier...

PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 15:24

get down the STD clinic...you should let him know too, so he can have the lovely opportunity to tell his gf he has exposed her to all sorts of shit

anyone who "doesn't know" if a condom was used during sex has got a fucking screw loose, and likely to have an STD of her own

stupid bint

< awaits deletion >

FourFortyFour · 08/03/2011 17:34

O. M. G.

You "don't know" if he used a condom? That is the most ridiculous thing I have read on here in a long time.

Did you feel him come inside you?

Have you checked the floor, the bin?

I expect as it just happened he doesn't carry condoms since he is in a committed relationship though of course he could be a serial cheat so it might be an idea to take the morning after pill and get yourself checked for STI's.

Aislingorla · 08/03/2011 17:57

Is this a wind up?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 08/03/2011 18:09

i think he did

i asked 'have you' and he said 'yes'....it happened from behind so I'm not entirely sure but think he probably did

and he didnt come, we stopped just after penetration

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 18:41

"from behind" Hmm

it's gotta be so common that, a work colleague taking you from behind and it "just happening" as if by accident

why haven't I been deleted ?

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 18:47

Grin god almighty.... he just took you from behind... "we stopped just after penetration"... did he just trip up as he came over to look at some work notes then... (rolls eyes)...

FourFortyFour · 08/03/2011 18:51

Not that raunchy then.

PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 18:53

ST, it's the reverse of "I just fell on his penis"

he tripped and inserted his penis into her from behind, obvs

whatever it sounds like a pretty shit sexual encounter

was it really worth it, OP ?

BooyFuckingHoo · 08/03/2011 19:00

jeez laweez!!!

PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 19:03

OP, tell me this honestly

Did you properly consent to the penetration ?

I only ask this because your attitude is making me uncomfortable, there is far too much rationalisation and detachment going on.

Unless it's a wind up of course, which would be infinitely preferable.

caramelwaffle · 08/03/2011 19:16

Wouldn't it be So much more preferable for it to be a wind up Peter (p.s. bring ya' sexy pecs over here - hubba hubba)

Predetor angle more likely methinks.

Well actually OP....meh...enjoy your pregnancy.

PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 19:49

CW...may I take you from behind, my dear ?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 08/03/2011 19:53

i dont mean anal Hmm

its really hard to describe...yes I did consent and not sure what you mean by was it worth it.

he did use a condom - i've texted him to check

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 19:57

nobody mentioned anal Hmm