Sex after childbirth - bit worried

[beijingaling]

So it's now 8 weeks since I gave birth and dr gave me the go ahead at 6 weeks. DH is wonderful, hasn't pushed at all for sex and is generally treating me like a princess, putting my needs first, not asking for anything sexual etc.

The thing is I've just suddenly realised how much pregnancy has knocked my body confidence. I'm 25 and looked good pre pregnancy even if I was a bit blurred around the edges and not very fit. No stretch marks, high & firm boobs, good pelvic floor etc.

Now is a different story. Stretch marks on my hips, inner thighs and in an obvious place on one breast. I KNOW DH isn't as attracted to me as he was. Partly this is to do with the birth I think as he usually faints/throws up at the sight of blood and the delivery room looked like a scene from one of the Saw movies.

The DR also told me that my pelvic floor was shot and she was shocked I wasn't having trouble with incontinence. This has not helped how I feel about myself.

I knew pregnancy would change me but I didn't expect it to change how I felt about myself. DH and I have agreed to have sex this weekend for the first time and I want to but I'm rather worried about how it will feel for both of us.

Could someone come and give me a bit of reassurance that it will get better (with a million keegles) and that sex won't be that bad and any other tips or advice.

Thank you!

[Malificence]

LOTS of lube is a good idea, makes everything feel much nicer.
If its been 8 weeks + since you last had sex, your DH won't care what your body looks like, he will perhaps be a little over careful ( so as not to hurt you) but I'm sure he's as keen as ever.
Resuming a sex life after childbirth does involve a period of transition, I was 25 when I had DD, my stretch marks are still hideous 21 years later but DH doesn't care one bit, it's the body that gave him a daughter and he is as attracted to me as when we were 17 .
Just take your time and relax, worrying about it is perfectly normal, don;t forget it can take many moths for your body to feel like your own again.

[Nagoo]

I tried at 8 weeks. it was a bit disconcerting as didn't feel tight at all. However this did improve back to previous feeling IYSWIM. So don't go drowning yourself or anything if it's not great.

OTOH there are a lot of threads about this where peole say it's all fine.

Other than that, I'm the worst person to ask as I'm so afraid of getting pg again (condom split 1st time we tried 'properly' after ds ) that I won't even try until I've had my coil fitted, and it has taken SO LONG to sort that out (from 8 week check it'll be another 7 weeks by the time it's in) that dd will be 15 weeks

Re your body image, dim lights and the knowledge that you did this to make a baby help. My DH thought i was miraculous :) the stretch marks really will fade, and you can tone yourself up if you want to. i put on 4 stone with ds and it did come off (wlaking and bfing)

since dd I'm on day 17 of the shred and feel like i actually know what she means when she says 'abs are tight' :) I never did any exercise pre baby.

[JandT]

Dh and I didn't have sex for about 5 months after I had DS and he was an emergency C-Section (wound didn't heal for 4 months)! My tummy is covered in stretchmarks so much that even though the muscles underneath are strong, the skin is loose. My boobs used to be amazing (I know that sounds big headed but I was 'known' for them almost) and now are heavy and lower due to milk (fingers crossed it improves when I stop feeding...). And my head wasn't in it to be honest. That said, DH would tell you he doesn't give a toss about my body, it's still great to him and the only thing that stopped him was the fact I didn't feel like me, not the fact I didn't look attractive.

I guess what I'm saying is, it's in your head so maybe you should do what I did (in the end) and tell him what your problems are and that he needs to make you feel attractive. Plus, (and it's probably a cliche) once we had had sex, I felt more attractive which yep, led to more sex!

[dizietsma]

We didn't have sex until 4 months after DD was born, the sleep deprivation was more than enough of a libido killer! It did feel weird and different, but after a year things felt totally back to normal again. Take it easy, have a glass of wine and use lots of lube and caution