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Original poster

Will/Did you take your partner's name? (WWYD)

99 replies

berryshake · 27/02/2011 02:50

About half-a-dozen of my female friends have recently got married, and only one kept her own name rather than taking her husband's. I've found myself wondering who some of these people are when they pop up on Facebook, especially when they have a very common (i.e. frequent) first name like Hannah or Rachel.

I've been thinking about whether I would or not.

Did you, or are you planning to, change your name when you get married? What did it feel like? Do you miss your old name?

OP posts:

Truffkin · 27/02/2011 02:56

I did, after some lengthy debate (brought up by my Dad and felt significant attachment to my surname). It took me 12 months-ish to get used to it and I felt sorry to not be an 'X' anymore ( my sister got married a few months after me so only my brother was still 'our' name)

Now (4yrs) I'm pleased I did and love having the same name as my husband plus now we're hoping to have children it will be lovely to have our 'family' name etc etc

BitOfFun · 27/02/2011 02:59

I never changed my name, even when married. What I do regret though, is giving my children their dads' surnames. While married, it made sense, but with dd2 (after the divorce in my next relationship)I felt a bit backed into a corner to continue the precedent. In hindsight I wish I'd given both children my own surname. But hey-ho, not the end of the world.

Tortington · 27/02/2011 03:49

i did and for about 17 years i was happy with my married name.

now we have been married nearly 22 years, and i miss my name. i think it was daft of me to give it up.

now, i know that i can always change back to my maiden name - there is no law to say optherwise - i'm not officially trapped here. so i hae been giving v. serious thought to it, when i get another job i might refer to myself as Ms custymaidenname

yes thats a thing....would i still be mrs custymaidenname?

MoistTowelette · 27/02/2011 03:58

I changed mine for reasons that stem from my own childhood.
My mum remarried and my surname was different from the rest of the family. I always hated it when I was growing up.
I had nothing to do with my biological father and still don't (his choice) but he wouldn't let my mum change my surname.

I love 'my family' all have the same surname and giving up my old one meant nothing to me.

perfectstorm · 27/02/2011 04:15

I didn't until I got pregnant after a couple of years of marriage. I wanted to have the same name as my son, and I realised that I carry the name of a man I have no liking or respect for, and now have chosen to have no contact with. It just struck me that I'd rather share the name of the best man I know, really, and it seemed like a new start, in a way. It's funny, because I hated the idea of changing my name, before. But I also hated the idea of a son who shared my father's surname. So in my case, it was easy.

Should add that DH was happy if I'd wanted to give DS my maiden name. He had complete respect for my keeping it myself. As I said, he's a good guy. If he'd been territorial about it I'd have been a lot less comfortable with the idea myself.

Barmcake · 27/02/2011 04:33

I did because I wanted to have the same name as my dh & ds, wished I kept my name though because we don't see dh's dad, his mum remarried and had more children so they have another name. DH said he would have been happy to take my name but he would have had to change it through deed poll!!! why is it harder for the man to change his name to yours?? Very sexist really in this day and age.

One of my sisters changed her name when she got married, she has since divorced and kept her married name for the sake of the kids,now they are all grown up and they have changed their names to her maiden name...

coccyx · 27/02/2011 04:47

yes, no issues or regrets

cabbageroses · 27/02/2011 07:57

I took Dhs name and wished I had not. My maiden name was quite unusual and I wish I had kept it. My DH has a foreign name which is a pain to spell.

I have often thought about changing back but it is such a palava. I can cope with the personal side of name change but professionally my work is linked to who I am, so that would make a difference.

In principle I am not in favour of name change but having married 27 years back it was very unusual to keep your own family name.

Flisspaps · 27/02/2011 08:01

I did, I hated my maiden name. I do not miss it one jot.

mrsravelstein · 27/02/2011 08:03

i changed my name at 1st marriage and at 2nd, for the simple reason that i detested my maiden name and was very glad to be rid of it. continued using my 1st married name after i divorced as didn't feel make me feel bad in any way, and it was easy because it meant i shared a surname with ds1 (i can't tell you the constant confusion caused at school now that ds1 and i do not share a surname...)

PorkChopSter · 27/02/2011 08:09

I didn't change until after DC1 was born and then it got confusing, most people were referring to me as Mrs DH's name anyway. My DH is one of 4 boys and MIL is still alive so there's quite a lot of us Mrs DH's name around.

I do miss the old me though, and I regret not giving my maiden name as a middle name to the DC, but its a blunt one syllable name and would not 'flow'

CMOTdibbler · 27/02/2011 08:13

I didn't change mine, and ds has both our names. We've been married nearly 16 years, ans neither dh or I have any regrets at all.

iskra · 27/02/2011 08:24

I didn't change mine. No regrets. I wanted DD to have my surname but she got DP's in the end. My situation is unusual though in that I have my mother's surname & my mum kept her own name on marriage so it doesn't seem necessary to me for all family members to have the same name.

comixminx · 27/02/2011 08:46

Well, we're not married so the question doesn't arise, but I wouldn't have changed my name if we had got married. Our DD has both of our surnames.

Hassled · 27/02/2011 08:50

I did for my first marriage and it never sat very comfortably with me. My surname is part of me, my identity, and I felt like I'd given that up. But this was the 80s and it was pretty unusual to retain your own name then.

Then we split, I reverted to maiden name and have kept it post-remarriage, much to FIL's disgust.

pinxminx · 27/02/2011 08:53

My DH took my name! His was dreadful and he had hated it all his life.

SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 27/02/2011 08:57

no i didn't. and i wouldn't. plenty of cultures don't i don't see why people see changing your name on marriage as the "normal" thing. when kids have the same name as a parent i don't automatically assume they are biologically that parents anyway as there are plenty of times children take the name of a non biological father etc. looking more like the parent says more about that.

men don't change their name and i don't see why women should.

NotSoPukeyMummy · 27/02/2011 09:00

Yes, I took my DH's name. I kept my own name at work for a while (my little act of rebellion) but it was too difficult having two names.

I do miss my old name, but now it's second-nature to be Mrs DH. I found that as I have always done most of the house-related admin, dealing with bills, plumbers, etc they called me Mrs DH anyway, even before we were married.

And now we have a DD, I want to have the same name as her.

The funny thing is that I used to work with a lot of people from Belgium/the Netherlands/France where changing your name on marriage is much less common and many of them (women) had kept their maiden names on getting married. They thought it very strange that I had chosen to change mine!

Glamour · 27/02/2011 09:08

if i get married i wont be changing my name, for the reason that its my name! ha!
also there isnt many with my surname left in the family and i want the name to carry on through my DS

TechnoKitten · 27/02/2011 09:08

I took my husband's name when we married and changed everything - bank accounts, professional name, passport etc. I wanted the same name as our future children.

I worked with a few people that were Dr MaidenName at work but Mrs MarriedName on passports/driving licences etc - couldn't be faffed to be 2 people constantly (plus they were forever having problems with ID for different things, like exams) so did a clean sweep.

Married more than 5/less than 10 years, so far very happy with decision.

2rebecca · 27/02/2011 09:11

Have always kept my surname. Don't see the point in changing it. My kids have their father's name.

Himalaya · 27/02/2011 09:16

I kept my name. DCs have DH's name. Don't see any problems with not having the same name as DCs.

I do think it odd that women are still willing to give up the name they were born with, educated with and known as professionally and take on the identity of X's wife.

upahill · 27/02/2011 09:20

Yes, I wanted to and I don't have an issue with it.

I wanted me and my children all to have the same family name. I didn't want to be different and be seen as odd by standing out and having a different names in the family when I am married.

I don't wear a wedding ring though.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 09:22

I did a combination. In England, my maiden name is also my professional name, so I double-barrelled but without the hyphen. That also provided continuity with my hospital notes, since I was 18w pg when I got married.
But when we moved to Australia, I gave up my maiden name as it wasn't relevant over here. So my passport is only in my married name; but all my bank accounts and stuff in England is still in both names.
This is apparently fine. They are both my names, after all.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 09:22

Oh and I use both names on FB, Linked In etc. for simplicity.

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