Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will/Did you take your partner's name? (WWYD)

99 replies

berryshake · 27/02/2011 02:50

About half-a-dozen of my female friends have recently got married, and only one kept her own name rather than taking her husband's. I've found myself wondering who some of these people are when they pop up on Facebook, especially when they have a very common (i.e. frequent) first name like Hannah or Rachel.

I've been thinking about whether I would or not.

Did you, or are you planning to, change your name when you get married? What did it feel like? Do you miss your old name?

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 27/02/2011 12:43

I took my dh's name only because I had a pretty ugly, hard to spell surname. If it has been nicer I would have kept mine, or maybe double barralled.

If we ever divorced though, I would reclaim my name, even though ds now has dh's.

theyoungvisiter · 27/02/2011 12:48

I kept my name. It's my name at work, I'm professionally known by it, and if I'm honest I like it more than DH's! (Not that there's anything wrong with DH's, but his quite common).

I can't say it ever bothered me that my kids have a different name to me - I don't think anyone would be small-minded enough to get judgey over it, if they did, I certainly wouldn't give a toss about their opinion.

Also Mrs [Husband] is my MIL! Not me - would be too weird Grin

LittleMumSmall · 27/02/2011 13:46

I took my husband's name and am fine with it. Am always a little surprised (ok, judgey Grin) at the number of women who don't change their name - yes, I do get why but isn't it a little bit tokenistic on the feminism front, given you are (usually) keeping your father's name anyway?

I worked for an academic not so long ago whose wife insisted on keeping her name (can't remember what their children were called) and he told me it was a real hassle with the admin of day-to-day life (booking flights, hotels etc). I tend to agree and think it's just simpler having one family name for husband, wife and children.

RudeEnglishLady · 27/02/2011 13:56

I changed my name. My new name is forrin, rare and very long (swishes hair dramatically).

I might have kept my old one if the new one was a bad sound with my first name. Its nice that we all have the same name though. DH likes me having the same name although he was surprised I was willing to change it.

No mega-strong feelings either way from me.

CammieP · 27/02/2011 14:15

I kept my name and have no regrets. Our children will have both.

Littemumsmall - the argument about it swapping my father's name for my husband's name is one I've never understood. I don't see why men are the only ones that are allowed to 'own' their surnames. Yes, it's my dad's surname, but it's also mine. And one day it will be my children's surname too.

I can also see how it might be nice to share a name, but I don't understand why it has to be his, rather than mine. My surname is fab! I definitely don't regret not changing at all.

theyoungvisiter · 27/02/2011 14:17

"I worked for an academic not so long ago whose wife insisted on keeping her name (can't remember what their children were called) and he told me it was a real hassle with the admin of day-to-day life (booking flights, hotels etc)."

Sorry but what a load of old hogwash! When you're booking flights you have to give each passenger's first name, middle name and surname. Is it really SUCH a hassle to give one extra surname [rolls eyes]

Also, sorry but "insisted on keeping her name"?! What a harpy, I hope he beat her soundly with a stick no bigger than his thumb and taught her a resounding lesson about a husband's authority Hmm

Believe me, as one who has got my own name it is NO hassle at all living day-to-day life. I can't even imagine under what circumstances it would be. Sounds to me as if this academic had some hangup of his own and this is his way of groaning on about it, hoping to wear his wife down. What a charmer.

And fwiw I didn't do it for "feminist" reasons, tokenistic or otherwise, but because my name is part of my identity, part of my professional identity, and because I saw no good reason TO change it. However posts like yours make me wish I HAD done it with a feminist agenda so I could stick two fingers up at this academic.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 14:21

TYV - I think the rule was a stick no thicker than his little finger, not his thumb... but I could be wrong.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/02/2011 14:23

I got rid of mine quick smart. It was horrible. Couldnt wait. Caused me no end of trouble all my life. People wouldnt belive it was real so I had to spell it out even though it was a normal word.

BUT since taking my OH's name, which is rather nice, I have loads of trouble with it. People cant seem to say it. They keep trying to make it something it isnt even though its said as is looks (its an old fashioned first name).

theyoungvisiter · 27/02/2011 14:24

I thought it was thumb and this was where the famed "rule of thumb" was supposed to have come from? (Although I believe this is a disputed etymology). But I could be wrong Grin

However I am NOT wrong about the fact that this "academic" is a farking dinosaur and I hope all his female colleagues gave him a resounding Hmm when he bored on about the heeyuge hassle his strumpet wife had caused him by daring to retain a crumb of her former identity.

theyoungvisiter · 27/02/2011 14:25

Crikey MrsdeVere - now I want to know what your maiden name was that people refused to believe it was real?!

Mop-bucket?
Genius?
Panhandler?
Ubend?

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 27/02/2011 14:26

We had DS1 before we got married. DS was given DH name and when we got married i found it normal to take on his name, isnt that what you do when you get married?! Confused

I am happy with my married surname as i hated my maiden name! I have also said that if we were to ever split and divorce or whatever i would still continue to carry his name as i wouldnt want to have different name from my children.

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 27/02/2011 14:28

with my married surname i have gone from uncommon surname to common surname and which sounds the same as some other surnames and have to use the A for Apple, B for Bravo etc etc to spell it but i'm not bothered.

GnomeDePlume · 27/02/2011 14:28

I kept my name for many years after we got married. Finally changed it a year or so ago. DCs all have DHs name as their surname and my maiden name as one of their middle names. Having now done both (kept name for 18 years and changed name) I can honestly say that it really doesnt make that much difference.

Any feelings of subservience or loss of identity through name change come from within IMO. If in-laws make comments about having joined their family then make firm comments back that both families have joined each other.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2011 14:28

I kept mine for 7 years and changed (my own decision) when I got pg with dd. Didn't mind changing and half the time I forget what my maiden name was. However, over the last month I've signed the wrong name twice on letters at work, don't know why my previous name has been at the front of my mind.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 14:33

TYV - have a read of this page - lots of people think the same as you but apparently the rule of thumb is from carpentry; somewhere down that list, there is a comment about the "stick no thicker than his little finger" so we're both right and wrong! Grin

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 14:34

here, for quickness:
"In the Daily Express, 29 April 1948 Judge Tudor Rees said: 'It is Common Law that a husband is entitled to chastise his wife, provided the rod he uses is not thicker than his little finger, but if he applied the law today, he might also find himself summoned for assault.' (Quoted by Jenni Murray, Daily Telegraph, 7 February 2002.)"

DrSpechemin · 27/02/2011 14:36

I kept mine as I felt it was very much part of my identity. I do get cards etc from in-laws family as Mrs DH's name - but I can't remember actually telling them that I haven't changed my name.

DC's sometimes ask why I don't have the same name though.

Meggles76 · 27/02/2011 14:41

DH and I took each other's surnames when we got married. We both changed passports, driving licences, bank details etc... We also both informed our employers of the change in name when we got married.

We now have 2 DC and gave them both surnames.

Hullygully · 27/02/2011 14:45

No. Didn't and wouldn't.

My mother was Ms A. She married and became Mrs B (we are dc Bs). Then she divorced and remarried and became Mrs C. Then she divorced again and went back to Mrs B. Each time she had to change all her official documentation etc. Barking.

Hullygully · 27/02/2011 14:46

Far far more trouble than that silly nonsense spouted by littlemumsmall

megapixels · 27/02/2011 14:47

I didn't. I was still me when I married, nothing about me changed, only that I was someone's wife now. And I didn't want that to be my whole identity that I'd change my name over it.

megapixels · 27/02/2011 14:53

I too think that LittleMumSmall's academic was talking a load of rubbish. Looks like he is resentful of her keeping her name (imagine that, how dare she!) so is inventing these pathetic lies that the poster seems to have swallowed.

pikachu999 · 27/02/2011 15:01

I use my maiden name at work and then my married name for everything else.

When first married, I didn't change my name on bank accounts and passport, but then got into a mess when we were moving house and the mortgage offer was in one name and the legal docs drafted with the other. It wasn't as simple as changing names over- we had to apply again for the mortgage!

Therefore I would advise to be consistent whichever you choose. I see work as something more separate so decided to keep my (unusual) maiden name there, although if i changed jobs and noone knew me, I might change names. It takes a while to adjust to people's married names at work but after a while, you find you can't remember their old names!

QuickLookBusy · 27/02/2011 15:08

I did and don't regret it.

I realise that is because of my own insecurites from childhood. I needed to have my own little "family unit" all with the same name.

elastamum · 27/02/2011 15:18

I kept my name when I married. Have since divorced and at least I didnt have to change it again!

BUT my kids have a different surname and it is a hassle as I am frequently asked when travelling to prove they are mine. This has happened several times at immigration and in the US we were not allowed to board a cruise ship until I produced birth certificates to prove I was their mother.

The school frequently call me Mrs Ex and if I use my name have no idea who I am. DS2 would like to change his surname to mine as there is now a new Mrs EX who isnt his mum, but his dad wont allow it.

In hindsight I should have hypenated the kids names, but it would have been a bit of a mouthfull, and there was a lot of pressure to continue Ex family name through his sons so I didnt.

Swipe left for the next trending thread