Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will/Did you take your partner's name? (WWYD)

99 replies

berryshake · 27/02/2011 02:50

About half-a-dozen of my female friends have recently got married, and only one kept her own name rather than taking her husband's. I've found myself wondering who some of these people are when they pop up on Facebook, especially when they have a very common (i.e. frequent) first name like Hannah or Rachel.

I've been thinking about whether I would or not.

Did you, or are you planning to, change your name when you get married? What did it feel like? Do you miss your old name?

OP posts:
Capreece · 27/02/2011 09:24

I changed mine. I wasn't particularly bothered about my name - I felt more connected to my maternal line of ancestors and each generation has a different name anyway, so it actually felt like I was carrying that on in a strange way. I can recite the surnames all the way back to my mother's, mother's, mother's, mother's, mother's, mother at the beginning of the 19thC.

Anyhow - DH is v passionate about his family name and history so I was proud to become part of that and make a family with him :-) I will be using some of the family names from my mother's side as middle names for our daughters when we have them (says she, hopefully!)

YunoYurbubson · 27/02/2011 09:30

Neither my husband or I changed our names on getting married. We both kept our own names :)

diddl · 27/02/2011 09:33

I changed my surname.

Well, I say "my"-changed my Dad´s name for my husbands!

Original poster
berryshake · 27/02/2011 09:50

Oooh, lots of nice responses - thank you.

My last name is [something like] Haywood-Jones, so it means I'm the only one in the world with my surname. DP's surname is [something like] Ruddock, which I note that he has to spell out every time he wants to use it.

I'd always taken the mick out of him for his name (my efforts at showing that I liked him were crude at best), and noted that - for instance - we couldn't name a daughter Penelope, because Penny Ruddock sounds like a Victorian prostitute. Grin I do want to share a family name with him, but realising that I will have a different surname to my siblings and my niecephews is very odd.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 27/02/2011 09:52

i am happily married but wish i had kept my own name.

eviscerateyourmemory · 27/02/2011 10:02

I kept my name, as I didnt see why I should take on someone elses name when I got married, it would have made me feel like a bit of his property. (Im aware that my surname is also a mans surname, but at least I had had that all my life).

Where I work I would say its about 50/50 for people changing or not changing their names on marriage.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/02/2011 10:02

Haven't changed mine, DCs have DH's surname, it has never caused any confusion or even much comment, although a lot of people address cards etc to me as Mrs DHsurname and 10 years down the line I don't know quite how to tell them that I really am not called that without looking a bit ungrateful or something.

meditrina · 27/02/2011 10:18

I kept my name (couldn't face the admin of changing everything, and neither surname is particularly nice - did think about double-barrelling, but they didn't sit well together, so abandoned the idea). I don't mind being called Mrs DH socially, and have discovered it seems to be pretty inevitable at school.

One thing to watch out for - which happened to me for the first time this half term - is that if you're flying with differently named DCs, you may be asked at passport control about your relationship to them (presumably this is child protection). As I was with a 10 year old who answered "of course that's Mummy" there was no problem, but with younger pre-speech children, copy of the BC may be advisable when travelling.

camdancer · 27/02/2011 10:25

I changed my name but I was just out of university so didn't have a professional name to protect. My growing up name was one that had to be spelled all the time and for many reasons I wanted to distance myself from it. I had a hard time when I was growing up and my previous name was very recognisable. Getting away from it meant a new start and not being as easily noticed.

Even then, it took me a while to get used to my new family name. The biggest thing for me was getting used to my new initials. They just looked wrong for a very long time. I like me, my DH and the DC's all having the same family name. For me there were no downsides really.

But everyone's circumstances are different. One of my cousins was very seriously thinking of blending her and her DH's surnames to create something new for both of them. I like that idea.

tribpot · 27/02/2011 10:27

I didn't change mine, ds has dh's surname. My mum remarried when I was 7 so I have long been accustomed to (in our family at least) not defining family based on having the same name. Everyone is different of course!

adelaidegirl · 27/02/2011 11:24

I would but I am licky in that I would keep my maiden surname as a professional name and then get to be Mrs newname. I love my name so I think I would be quite sad if I had to lose it altogether so for me this is perfect. I might not say that if I marry someone with an odd surname though!

adelaidegirl · 27/02/2011 11:24

lucky not licky!

Capreece · 27/02/2011 11:30

I found it harder to adjust to be a Mrs not a Miss, rather than the change of name. I kept calling myself Miss Marriedname, which was just odd :-D

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/02/2011 11:33

That's another thing, I didn't want to be called Mrs, wanted to stay as Ms.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 11:41

Ha, well I was so old by the time I got married that I had been bridling at being called Mrs. Maiden name for years previously! (and once, memorably, Mr. Maiden name - some fool telesales person who clearly didn't believe that women could have phone lines by themselves)

SuitedandBooted · 27/02/2011 11:45

I kept my name when we got married, mainly as it is a lot nicer than DH's! The children also have MY name, which doesn't cause any problems, other than people assume we aren't married.
When the children were born , I remember that I couldn't really explain via tick-boxes on the form, - I think it looked like I was married to DH, but actually had the children with someone else. The final description of me on my notes was "supported single!"

FourFortyFour · 27/02/2011 11:48

I did change my name to my husband's. It never crossed my name not too. I didn't want to keep the name of the man who abandoned me.

edam · 27/02/2011 11:54

I kept my own name and ds has my name too. I suggested giving ds both surnames (not double-barrelling as it would be too long) so he could choose one when he grew up if he liked, or use both, or whatever. But dh decided his surname is a. common and b. boring. Gave ds his Dad's name as a middle instead to keep the family link.

Never caused any problems bar a few raised eyebrows - mostly at school. Primary schools are stuck in the 1950s with all the teachers called Miss or Mrs...

senua · 27/02/2011 11:54

I took DH's name on marriage. It felt weird for a time but I have now been Mrs DH-name for longer than I was Miss Maiden-name so it's a bit of a non-issue.

I got bumped up the alphabet, which is a bonus.Smile

Sorelip · 27/02/2011 11:58

I changed my surname to DHs. I like my maiden name, but it is a pain to spell.

edam · 27/02/2011 11:58

Btw, I felt very strongly about keeping my own name as it's nicer than dh's but also because I'm still scarred by discovering my first name wasn't actually the name I was always known by when I was 7. At that age you are quite literal minded and I was terribly upset. Thought my parents had been lying to me. Rather than calling me by an affectionate pet name and just not issuing a disclaimer regularly 'but your real name is X'.

Now all the aged rellies who couldn't stop calling me Katie are dead and I miss having anyone who calls me that!

PorcelinaOfTheVastOceans · 27/02/2011 12:00

if i didn't have such an absolute pain the arse for a surname then i'd probably keep it. but i do. bugger Angry

Willabywallaby · 27/02/2011 12:36

I changed my name to DH's, it meant a log to him. Unfortunately in our profession local I was 'known' bug when we married it was suddenly known we were together and I did have a loss of identity. I didn't change my signature though, confused the banks when I changed my name, but I held onto something.

InvaderZim · 27/02/2011 12:41

I didn't change mine, it seemed far too complicated to change two passports plus my visa. Also my last name is used for most of my online identity (not here though) and I didn't want to change that either.

DC has her dad's name, for sort of random reasons, including my name being difficult to match first names with!

BrandyAlexander · 27/02/2011 12:41

I changed my name to DHs in my personal life but kept my maiden professionally. Its a little known fact but you can have your passport show both names (you have to request it), which means you can have anything in either name if you are using your passport as ID. I guess because I didn't "drop" my maiden name it took me longer than most to feel comfortable with my married name but having first child and being on maternity leave where I was only known as Mrs DH the whole time sorted that out. Now if I was in a room and someone called Novice DH surname I would look up, just as much as I would Novice Maiden name.