Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to dump him but I'm going to have to aren't I? [sad]

94 replies

poshsinglemum · 24/02/2011 12:21

I've posted about this guy before.

I met a man a month ago in a club and have been seeing him ever since. There have been some positives; he's lovely with my dd and spends time with her. He gave me perfume and cooks for me, the sex is FANTASTIC but tbh I'm getting big alarm bells.

He says he loves me but I'm not sure if he does. He's got a very close female friend (like his sister) who he sees regularly. He is from Spain and so is he and I know it's important for him to have mates from his own country here in the UK. She just copped off with one of his mates so she's claerly not a big threat but I do feel very insecure about it.

He was planning a meal for us all tonight. She was invited and so was I so I could meet her.
Recently he has been bringing his computer to mine because his internet is down at his place and when he comes here he prints off some stuff for work then goes on facebook. Bloody fucking facebook.

My dd has got attached to him and last night she was crying for him to give her a cuddle but he ignored her because he was busy messaging this femnale friend on facebook. She had messaged him to cancel the meal tonight.

I hitb the roof. I feel it's awful of him to get close to my dd and then blow her out. He just said that it was the first time he has done this.

He went home, I asked (no begged) him to come back so we could sort it out. He came back. We argued, we cried and had great sex and then he went back on the computer. It's a slippery slope isn't it?

Plus he called me crazy for feeling insecure about this girl. It just feels wrong.

I'm so sad becaue it was going well but he's sooo full on. I'd rather he spent less time at my house and spent proper time with his mates than spend all the time at my house and not so much quality time. so sad that I've been a mug again.

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 24/02/2011 12:23

Oh FFS! You have to get a grip on this desperation of yours to Have A Man. WHat you've got here is another cocklodger - now he wants to hang out at yours and make use of your broadband (he presumably hasn't paid the bill for his own), eat all your food and sit on the sofa farting, in exchange for the occasional 'great sex'.

newnamethistime · 24/02/2011 12:25

Why have you let your dd get close to someone you have only known for one month?
Have no clue as to the other girl. Presumably it must be nice for him to chat with someone in his own language. I wouldn't think that odd at all.

poshsinglemum · 24/02/2011 12:25

solid; thanks for the support. not

OP posts:
QuelleLeJeff · 24/02/2011 12:27

One. Month.

You have been seeing him for one month and he says he loves you and you've introduced him to your DD.

One month and you are posting on the internet because you're arguing.

One Month. Four Weeks. 30 Days.

No.

thenightsky · 24/02/2011 12:27

You say he is 'sooo full on' You sound pretty 'full on' yourself, begging him and all that.

Dump him and be single for a while.

poshsinglemum · 24/02/2011 12:27

Solid; I'm afraid i'm not with your non-monogamous style do shoot me and btw; he chased me rotten whereas I just wanted a shag at first.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 24/02/2011 12:27

posh - she's right though.

abbierhodes · 24/02/2011 12:27

I echo other posters...why, why why have you let your poor DD 'get attached to him' after only a month? That's really, really bad parenting. No advice on the rest other than to get a grip on yourself.

nickelbabe · 24/02/2011 12:28

he chased you rotten because he needed your stuff.

please dump him.

curlyredhead · 24/02/2011 12:28

I'm really surprised that your dd has got close to him if you've known him for a month, how much time has he spent with her?

I'd be really cautious about introducing any new partner to my kids, I'd have to be really sure they would be likely to be around for a long time before I let any of mine get close to someone like that.

From the sounds of it, get rid and then spend some time dating where your dd isn't involved. Or maybe not dating, just some time to enjoy yourself as you.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 24/02/2011 12:28

You've only known him a month? Then why is your daughter attached to him? Sorry, I'm with SGB on this. After a month there should be no angst.

SenoritaViva · 24/02/2011 12:31

It sounds like it has moved very fast. You (or he) is announcing his love very quickly 1 month into a relationship. If you have a problem with him forming a relationship with your DD then I cannot understand why you have introduced her to him already if you are unsure of the relationship.

You sound somewhat insecure and IMHO as if you have unresolved issues to me (insecurity, jealousy). Sorry if this is harsh, but I think you need to sort these out before a relationship can be balanced and healthy. By sorting them out I mean learning to deal with them rather than just eradicating them.

dittany · 24/02/2011 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elizadoestoomuch · 24/02/2011 12:46

Why oh Why do parents introduce their DC to potential partners so soon? I accept some people have and it has worked out but why take the risk? Why risk letting your DC become attached to someone who may not be around in a month? What is wrong with people?

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 24/02/2011 12:46

Put your daughter's needs above those of your own ("I just wanted a shag at first") Hmm.

Is she going to grow up having to get to know, get attached to and get hurt by yet another of "Mummy's special friends"...drawing her own conclusions about relationships, commitment and men in general.

Not good.

elizadoestoomuch · 24/02/2011 12:48

nosuchthingassociety I suggested that to my friend and her response was if i'm happy then i'm a better mum I truly don't understand women who bring men into their DC lives without thinking it through.

Niceguy2 · 24/02/2011 12:49

Hang on.....length of time aside for a moment.

Am I understanding here? So his female friend messaged him to cancel a meal and he didn't give your DD a hug when she demanded it because he was busy talking albeit on Facebook?

What's the problem? Sounds to me the problem is you are insecure PSM.

MadreInglese · 24/02/2011 12:58

you're wondering whether or not to put your daughter's happiness and home stability and your own self respect and self esteem before 'fantastic sex' with some guy you met a month ago?

alrighty then Hmm

Monty27 · 24/02/2011 13:06

I think this is all too much too soon. Especially for your dd.

rainbowinthesky · 24/02/2011 13:09

I think you need to do as others have suggested and spend some time on your own. WHat you have described is not healthy. Fine for you if that's what you want but not for your dd. She shouldnt be meeting someone and demanding cuddles after a few weeks. Of course he's not going to come off facebook to give her a cuddle. He has no relationship with your dd, she is nothing to him and nor should be. See him if you wish but keep your dd separate from him.

JaquiChanFeelsBlue · 24/02/2011 13:09

You need to change your name to desperatesinglemum. Feel Sad for your dd.

BunnyLebowski · 24/02/2011 13:11

FFS, here you go love

MogadoredMemoo · 24/02/2011 13:15

Seriously get rid and spend some time on your own. I spent 3 years alone and it was the best thing I ever did. How is your dd so attached to a man you met just 1 month ago? She shouldn't have even met him yet!

MooMooFarm · 24/02/2011 13:18

posh I know everybody else is saying it, but why why why does your DC need to meet your new boyfriend? You cannot possibly know him in a month, nobody can. Why not make yourself a rule that you wait 6 months? Would that really be so bad?

You need to learn and repeat this mantra to yourself 100 times daily -

"All men are FANTASTIC at the start - but it doesn't mean shit!"

Seriously, think of your poor DD - what messages are you giving her about how to conduct relationships?

Portofino · 24/02/2011 13:19

I think everyone has already said it....Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread