Is it possible to be racist when choosing a partner?

[CuppaTeaJanice]

I was talking to a single friend the other day about dating and choosing partners, and she said she didn't think she would want to go out with a black man. I was a little at this comment as I have never considered her racist in any way, she has many friends from a variety of ethnic groups and I haven't noticed her make any discriminatory comments before.

It got me thinking though - is it acceptable to discriminate when choosing a partner in ways that would be unacceptable when choosing, for example, a friend, a tenant or an employee?

I choose to have a partner who is a man. That's not because I'm sexist, it's because I'm heterosexual. I also choose a partner who has physical attributes that I find attractive - small nose, slim body, brown hair etc. Aside from personality, obviously - nobody chooses a partner based solely on looks, but there has to be some sort of physical and sexual attraction because that's part of a partner's role.

So, was my friend being racist? I think she was being a bit stupid, and may be missing out on a great guy for a silly reason, but if she just doesn't find black skin sexually attractive, is that any different from not wanting a partner with big ears, or red hair, or breasts etc.?

I've never really found black men with african features physically attractive - some black men can be stunning - Seal has to be one of the sexiest men on the planet but thats just him rather than his colour. Strangely, I think black women can be stunningly beautiful. I generally prefer darker men but more in southern europe, indian, arabic physical characteristics. Some chinese and japanese men can be stunning also so it's not a preference for white men (don't really find really white, pasty skin attractive.

Oh I love what you call 'african features' - I assume by that you mean, say, east african, not egyiptian or similar - strong, wide nose, luscious lips, eyes are dark pools you sink into...

mmmmmm

egyptian.

My spelling is getting worse.

TheSecondComing - no, sexual incontinence and a refusal to commit...placing base urges ahead of the needs of one's children. These deseverve condemnation and frequently receive as much on these boards.

Hecat - yip, those feature and really black skin just doesn't do it for me though if I have met a few black men who were ridiculously attractive but that's because I got a chance to talk to them and found the whole package attractive. Actually met a black kenyan guy last week who has to be one of the most beautiful men I've clapped eyes on in real life.

not my husband, was it?

Black kenyan? are you White British? .

Jews are an ethnic group? Heh. Alright, if you want to subscribe to this line of thought, then let?s examine it a little closer. If ethnicity is marked by national and cultural origins, then some of the markers of a Jew would be; someone who practises Judaism, or someone who does not practise Judaism but was born into a Jewish family (this became widely accepted after Hitler said that a Jew was anyone who had at least one Jewish grandparent (maternal side)).

It gets complicated. The original Jews were Ethiopians, (ergo Black Africans) called Falashas. So we have modern day Jews who are ?White? and the original Jews who were Black, therefore it only makes sense to see Jews as a social-religious (social construct) group, rather than an ethnicity. Wouldn?t you agree?

I could make a similar argument for why homosexuality is also a social construct, but I don?t really care to change your mind on this. I am too sleepy to type some

Me? I am as it happens, why?

Ha! I finally succeeded in posting my comment to EricNorthmansMistress

There were 10.3 million married couples in England and Wales on census day in 2001. The vast majority of these marriages, 98 per cent, were between people from the same ethnic background, where ethnic background is defined as White, Mixed, Asian, Black, Chinese, or Other ethnic group.

Two per cent of marriages were between people from different ethnic backgrounds (219,000). Of these inter-ethnic marriages, most (198,000) included a White person.

56 per cent of women and 34 per cent of men had married outside their ethnic group and most had married a White person. This Other group includes people from the Philippine Islands, Malaysia, Japan, Vietnam and various middle-eastern countries.

People who described their ethnic group as ?Other Black?, largely young Black people born in Britain, were the next most likely to be married to someone outside their ethnic group, followed by Black Caribbean people. Almost five in ten Other Black men (48 per cent) and three in ten Black Caribbean men (29 per cent) were married to women outside the Black ethnic group, in most cases White women.

People from South Asian backgrounds were the least likely of the minority ethnic groups to be married to someone from a different ethnic group. Only 6 per cent of Indians, 4 per cent of Pakistanis, and 3 per cent of Bangladeshis had married someone outside the Asian group.

Although most inter-ethnic marriages include a White person, White people are the least likely to be married to someone outside their ethnic group ? only 1 per cent of White men or women had done so. White people form the majority population in England and Wales (91 per cent) and consequently there are limited opportunities to marry people from a minority ethnic group. This is particularly true for people living outside London, where the minority ethnic population is often very small.

www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=1090

Statistics here are only for marriage as I am sure we all know many (many) relationships happen outside of marriage. Also this is from 2001 so I most likely the inter racial marriage percentage would have risen over 10 years.

TSC: Ignore the silly buckethead, he/she/it is either out to cause mischief or someone who doesn't get laid very often and is therefore frothing with spite and jealousy over those who do.
I have dated or at least had plenty of sex outside my own ethnic group, but i do remember once getting myself in an appalling ethical knot over a man who wanted to date me but who i didn't fancy, i was worried about finding a way to say no thanks without it sounding like i was hung up about his race.