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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ExH wants me back, and it would solve 1001 problems

104 replies

NoDiving · 17/02/2011 05:31

I was so relieved to leave him, but I still deeply love him.

I know though most family and friends will disown me if I do.

Not looking for advice really just needed to say these feelings to someone.

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 17/02/2011 16:47

Your GP can't assess you, your GP will sent you to a psychiatrist/psychologist to be assessed?

findingthepath · 17/02/2011 16:54

GP should have sent you to the mental health team to get assessed by a MH nurse.

I dont think you have MH problems i just think you need some self esteem and learn what love is and how men show you love and respect. I think relate do individual counciling on relationships that might be helpful.

Try writting a list of all your past relationships and see if there is a patteren.

If your Father abusive?

What do you think is the signs of a decant guy?

What do you imagen when you think of your perfect relationship?

I think most GP's are able to provide councilling on the NHS at the moment it might be worth having a word about it.

Original poster
NoDiving · 17/02/2011 17:06

Yes it was done by a consultant psychiatrist, who I am still seeing every 3 months.

I have two different types of counselling at the moment, no need for more...

OP posts:
noddyholder · 17/02/2011 17:09

This all sounds very complicated.You need to get some indepth counselling for yourself if you consider a man who has mistreated you in the past a possible partner again now when he hasn't changed.You sound a bit disturbed tbh and I don't think Mn can help with this you need to maybe contact your counsellor

MummieHunnie · 17/02/2011 17:11

I think you need to turn to your psychiatrist, and ask for an emergency appointment.

NewPatchesForOld · 17/02/2011 17:13

Please don't go back OP. I was married to an abusive man, emotionally, physically, sexually...every way possible, not only to me but to the DC too. I left, took the kids, went to a refuge. Stupid stupid stupid me...I went back amid promises of change, tears, counselling promises...now I'm in hiding with the kids, assumed a new identity, basically started a completely new life for us. And we're SO happy now, I mean really...happier than we have been for years. Abusers don't change, they can't. It won't stop, in fact it will get worse because he will see that he's got away with it before so he will see a green light to do it again. And again.

Original poster
NoDiving · 17/02/2011 17:23

There's no such thing mummiehunnie, it's nhs....

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 17/02/2011 17:31

OK, so you are getting counselling, properly qualified stuff by the sound of it, and your counsellor is telling you not to touch your ex with a barge pole. I think I like her.

Glad to hear it was just a wobble. You can't help what you feel, but you can help what you do. It's actually fairly natural to miss your persecutor (see Stockholm syndrome, hysterical bonding etc, and don't forget the powerful lure of familiarity even when it's a bad familiarity). Getting back with him, on the other hand, would be unwise to say the least.

PeterAndreForPM · 17/02/2011 18:13

Did you post about the table flipper before ?

FWIW, I agree with SGB who said you really shouldn't be dating any men at the moment

LittleMissHissyFit · 17/02/2011 20:39

Rings bells with me too Peter, but it could be a thread from someone else...

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/02/2011 18:34

Oh, did I kill this thread or did the OP go shopping in a well known high street store? Hmm Grin

Original poster
NoDiving · 19/02/2011 09:39

No, I've been busy.

And sorry but what!?

As it is, getting back with exH is the last thing on my mind at the moment, in fact I'm taking legal advice on tuesday after the shit hes just pulled....

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 19/02/2011 09:44

No Diving, what stunt has your exh just pulled?

Original poster
NoDiving · 19/02/2011 09:52

Yet more crap letting down the DC. He was supposed to be collecting them from me last night but didn't show up, was uncontactable until a text this morning saying something came up and he will get them from school on Monday.

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 19/02/2011 09:57

Do you still think he wants you back?

Original poster
NoDiving · 19/02/2011 10:00

He does, he is practically begging, and mutual friends have said him taking the DC was all part of his 'plan' to win me back Hmm

OP posts:
dittany · 19/02/2011 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 19/02/2011 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 19/02/2011 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caramelwaffle · 19/02/2011 10:39

"Add message | Report | Message poster StuffingGoldBrass Thu 17-Feb-11 12:49:47
FFS! Don't even think of going back to this tospot. WHat you need is a healthy dose of feminism to unlearn the propaganda you absorbed at some point that a woman is nothing without a man.
BEING SINGLE IS GREAT.
It is infinitely better than living with a crap man. Honestly, work on sorting yourself out so you don't find yourself in a relationship with another tosspot.
"

I am copying this, printing it out and putting it in a frame in my front room. No really.

This...
Add message | Report | Message poster TangledScotland Thu 17-Feb-11 13:02:11
SGB talks sence, I was on my own with DC for 4 years (my choice) I had a great time with them and my best mate who was in the same position, I wouldn't swap those 4 years for anything.

At some point I felt the need for a new relationship had one short crappy one I ended very quickly because I felt no fear about being single, then met the current MrTangledScotland who I have been with for 5 years, i'm still not scared of being single though MrTS knows this and it keeps the chap on his toes"

I shall be teaching my daughter as she grows.

(back to reading whole thread)

But Op - do NOT go backwards.

MummieHunnie · 19/02/2011 10:58
yogididabooboo · 19/02/2011 11:02

It doesn't sound like these "mutual friends" are particularly friendly.

I think you need to remove everyone from your life that isn't doing you good.

And have you asked about the possibility of having your dd on some of the days she would normally be at nursary? It would obviously save him money and if he is as desperate to get you back as you think then maybe he will be happy to seem willing and generous?

yogididabooboo · 19/02/2011 11:06

Also, I understand that he has altered an arrangement but, Is it not an excellent thing as you now have an extra weekend with the children?

If he continues to do these things then he will be demonstrating that they are nolnger his priority and will leave you in a better position at court.

are they not on half term monday though?

Original poster
NoDiving · 19/02/2011 11:19

Of course I'm delighted, though I'm working tonight so my mum is coming over to have them.

DS is at private school, half term is in a fortnight, and DD doesn't go to 'school' per se, just nursery.

I have a diary of even the slightest thing he's done and am not going to try to negotiate with him for now, will take legal advice.

Heading out for the day now, thanks for the responses. My head is swimming at the moment, need to just have fun and forget it for a bit...

OP posts:
Original poster
NoDiving · 19/02/2011 11:22

Oh and yogi, I do agree and there are a lot of friends I was willing to 'lose' throughout this whole mess.

But with some I can't resist being kept in the loop as it were, which I know is never going to be helpful and could in fact be damaging...

OP posts: