The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

qo - yes, there is an element of the spiritual - all it requires is willingness to believe in something bigger than you. Full stop. And if you are the centre of the universe, as our friend MIFLAW would say (you think I'm doing tough love, you haven't seen anything yet), then you've got bigger problems than just alcohol. No-one, least of all me can make you go to AA. But the question is, just how bad do you want this to get. Because it will keep on getting worse, if you keep drinking.

I know I can't do this alone, yesterdays specatcular failure proves that, but don't feel able to tell anyone either.

And I really don't feel that there is something bigger, it's just life - a happy chemical co-incidence if you like, I'd struggle with thinking it's anything other than that.

Sorry if I'm sounding deliberately obtuse, I don't mean to be, just trying to explain why I don't feel it would work for me.

Is there any other organisation? was thinking of asking GP for some CBT or counselling, but have gone off that idea now that I know they'll report to SS

Also very sorry for gate-crashing the thread and taking over a bit, I am really really grateful for the replies - I really needed this today

Wow
Busy place this morning.

cristi - yes it is terrifying stepping through the doors the first time, but the other option open to me was more terrifying!! I couldn't do it alone, I have proved that to myself time and time again. Although I truly wanted to stop, I kept hitting my own selfdestruct button.

It is about accepting that you cannot do it alone, and the unity of the group of people within AA give me the strength to keep it in the day, and keep sober and safe.

mousie the not projecting is really hard for me, living in the day does not come naturally to me. Well done.

qo take care of yourself today.

Why dont you consider going to AA, just for one meeting, you don't need to say a thing, just listen, take out of it what sounds right for you. If you don't like it or its message, you have only lost 90 minutes of your life?

truth I hope that you are OK this morning, come back and chat to us today. You take care of yourself.

Right, off for cuppa and a hot shower.

Is AA bigger than you? Millions of recovering alcoholics enjoying their sobriety? Is that big enough? Like Bafane says, you don't have to go back. (AA says they'll give you your misery back, free of charge! and it's true!)

AA says they'll give you your misery back, free of charge

that did raise a little smile!! :)

I am also more than a little worried about being recognised (don't drive so it would have to be my local meeting.)

I really want this change, and you are making it sound appealing - what happens if you do challenge the idea of a higher power?

They'll say something like what I've said to you (though probably more coherently, as I am only new to it!) - just believe in the power of good, or of AA, for now. Be willing, even if you are not convinced. something like that.

Can you say where roughly you are?

If you are recognised - well, it's by another alcoholic. They will be there for the same reason as you.

Off out to school with DD now but will be back, or someone else will be along. Hang in there.

Morning all.

Christi how are you doing? I'm around today, so give me a call if it would help to talk. If you google "AA" and and "meetings" you will see that there is a choice of 73 meetings a week in 46 locations across the city - overwhelming! There is one on a Monday evening 8pm called Bruntsfield Group. Someone at another meeting recommended it as particularly good for 'ladies like me' , so no doubt full of middle aged, middle classers . There's one this morning at 9.30 in the Old Schoolhouse on Morningside Road. As others have said if you call up someone from a meeting would be happy to meet with you before hand, or if you want we could go to something together.

I'll pm you location, really worried about being recognised - I actually have had a family member follow my posts on another forum[not paranoid emoticon].

Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with me, I really needed it, and although I do still feel like the worst pile of shit - I'm not as bad as when I first posted. You've been a great help all of you

qo

The only people you will recognise, will be people who are there for exactly the same reason as you - people who cannot control their own drinking, but recognise that and want to stop!!

I met a guy that I work with at my meeting (small town - large employer) was it fun, no - not really. Not for him either I would imagine. We have never talked about it outside the doors of the meeting rooms.

But so! He's a recovering alcoholic as am I.

I am not at the point of being open about the fact I am in AA, but I am a immensely prouder of myself today in AA, than I ever was whilst I was drinking.

At the moment - and remember I am only 12 weeks into recovery, I listen, I take the bits that I like and that work for me at the moment, and listen to them. I ignore everything else.
However, as the weeks go by, more and more of it becomes relevant, everyone is there for the same reason as you, their lives were unmanageable and they could not do it alone!

Why dont you just give the AA number a phone and have a chat with them. You dont need to do anything else other than that at the moment.

bafana that's a good idea, I will ring them right now.

Well done on your fantastic 12 weeks, you are rightfully proud of yourself, that's fantastic!

Welcome qo. I lurk more than post but I just wanted to say I totally understand how you are feeling right now.

I am a binge drinker (mostly weekends too) and am toying with AA but am not sure. I don't have a car either and have 2 kids (4 and 2) to drop off at their respective nurseries.
DP is also against me going to AA as he thinks I should just moderate my drinks.
Shit, if only it were that easy then this thread wouldn't exist!

Hi qo and welcome. Firstly you have already done really well to have 3 weeks without a drink, so be proud of yourself for that. Secondly, having got pissed again does not mean that you are a failure, it just shows that 3 weeks without a drink has not 'cured' you. And thirdly - please don't rule anything out in terms of getting help. If you can keep an open mind and be willing to try anything, then you are more likely to find something that will help you.

The GP question IS a difficult one, because it depends so much on your individual GP, what your relationship with him/her is like and what services and support are available locally. Some are absoloutely fantastic, and some alcohol counselling services are great. However in many areas there is a wait to get help, particularly if your GP does not perceive your problem as urgent. But none of that means that you shouldn't explore it with your GP.

boing!!

morning all lovley boingy babes! and you less than boingy one this morning!

qo!, hello my love!, its really nice to have you here and i trulyhope we can help you!

we have always said on here that aa is not the be all and end all - the thing is, right now you need some help and support from people who totally understand you and the pickle you have got yourself into - just go and listen, you have nothing to lose except your health, your self respect, your dd, all for the sake of worrying about the word 'god'! - ime, no one will try and convert you, no one will ask anything other than your first name and it might just help you!, whats to quibble about?

Morning JWN, morning venus

Such wise words from both of you as always.

I love these threads so much, what a truly fab bunch of people all gathered in one teeny tiny place in the big wide web.

Thanks so much to everyone that's taken the time to chat to me on this thread and/or PM'ed me, I'm really touched.

I've rang and rang the AA number, but never get a reply, is that common?

That's never happened to me. You're calling 0845 769 7555? If you PM me where you are I'll try and find you local number.

Qo

I am a confirmed agnostic and a long-term sober member of AA.

No religion required, i am the living (thanks to AA!) proof.

Noteven just want to say that you sound so serene these days, is that something you have taken from AA? I love reading your posts these days.

"My problem is not so much needing a drink, it's not being able to stop when I do have a drink" - perhaps I'm being obtuse, but isn't not being able to stop the same as needing a drink? I mean, I accept you don't need one every day; but it's still true that a lot of your drinking is not through choice, no?

"I am really scared about going to a meeting. I don't know how to explain, it's probably to do with the enormity of it to me."

I felt like that too. Which is ironic because, when I got there, "the meeting" turned out to be nurse, a scaffolder, a millionaire and a builder (and maybe a fisherman) drinking tea and eating ginger nuts in a Methodist Church hall with a three-bar fire on the go. It was, in other words, the antithesis of "enormity".

Still saved my life though.

Hello everyone

I have been lurking since the beginning of the thread and finally felt i should post today. qo your posts were exactly like how i was feeling at New year. I have been a terrible binge drinker and have tried on many occasions to stop drinking after some horrendous episodes, many injuries, waking up not knowing where i was. I tried many times to stop drinking i would regularly go 2 weeks without a drink but then start again trying to drink moderately but usually ended up worse than ever.

Worst time was this Christmas, i drank heavily and my kids saw me, i had a permanent red wine smile (kids said i have a clown face on ) my husband was so angry and worried and i just couldn't stop as i didn't want to face the hangover. i did stop and it was horrendous like you are discribing, i ended up going to my Drs he prescribed some sleeping tablets for a couple of days to help get through the worst of it and some ADs (as he thought i might have PND i didn;t tell him the whole truth as i worried about Social Services)

My sister came over at Christmas and saw fist hand the state i had got into and called AA for me i spoke to a wonderful lady who asked me if i wanted to stop drinking, i sure did! she called me everyday while i recovered physically and met me, she took me to an AA meeting and since then i haven;t had another drink. 7 weeks!! i feel amazing my life is so much better. it really was shit when i was drinking.

I struggled with the idea that AA was religious but it really isn;t like that at the meetings i go to. There are so many people from so many walks of life all differnt stories some i can relate to. I have even been able to take my baby to one when i couldnt get a babysitter. the people are so welcoming and helpful because they have all been where we are. I worried that i might see someone from the school there. but they would be there for the same reason as me!

anyway, i have rambled on (and its only my first ever post!) but life is so much better for me now and i hope it will continue this way. Its not easy to stop drinking it takes a few false starts but i hope this is it.

Thank you for reading. I hope to post more now i have finally plucked up the courage!

"what happens if you do challenge the idea of a higher power?"

No one will give a monkey's.

Though they might ask you WHY.

I used to have a Higher Power who was greater than me, who made me do things I did not want to do, and who controlled and guided my whole life.

Her name was Stella.

Compared to Stella, I was nothing and my willpower was as nothing.

Perhpas YOU currently have a similar Higher Power in your life?

desire it is definitely through AA. I go back to work next Monday though so I will a) not be here irritating you all during the day any more (!) and b) be more stressed and need to put the stuff I have been learning from these intense few weeks in AA into practice more continuously.
It is serenity - an acceptance I never had - love I never had - no question, it's saving my life too, one day at a time.

Venus

I think, reading your post, that I used to live in ,your town. - and in the same area too! Ironic to realise how close I was to meetings full of people who could have saved me literally years of misery.

I've actually been to one or two meetings there since, when up for a friend's wedding, though in a different area, more towards Portobello.

Thank you everyone

Venus thank you for that info. Was packing the kids off so missed your post about the morning one on Morningside. I'm going to look and see what there is this evening. Thanks so much for offering so much help. Perhaps we can go to the movies instead?! Still haven't seen the Kings Speech!

Am terrified I will meet someone i know, i am not alone in this fear i guess.

Qo you must be feeling dreadful today but hope you manage to call. I am trying to work up the courage to phone. I am normally a pretty brave person!