The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

MOrning everyone

I did the same thing this morning zippy, woke up felt guilty and then realised I didn't need to feel guilty

Hope you can sort the things out that are on your mind Noteven - we are here is youwant to talk.

Was thinking this morning when I was being dragged walked the dog that what I would like is to enjoy a glass of wine without worrying thinking about when/where the next glass is coming from. Not sure if I will ever get there, I may need to stop completly, but I'll try.

Date no 3 tonight (but not with the neighbour for those of you who know the obsession story

Morning all,

Hah, two A4 sides of a report down, time for a break !!!.

I too woke hangover free this morning, and do you know I still thank the Lord whoever is out there looking after me, for it.

Miflaw a very thought provoking and honest account from you yesterday, it made me quite upset. I think I was probably coming from a mum's point of view, to think of you being so young, and so vulnerable (DC1 is 20, about the age you started to drink heavily, I think?). I know you may disagree with me , but I think that you have had incredible presence of mind to stick with the help, and have the life that you have today.

It's a slidey old road, but I am getting there, thanks to all on here (and DH, of course!)

Noteven just for you, you are doing so great.

Zany Good luck with date 3! Maybe you had a lucky escape with dishy neighbour!

Lovely to see you back Venus, I know what you mean about spending time on here instead of working, but I think of it as my "help to me" time.

Mouse how is Wolfie today? is that his real name? Is Nemo loving him?

Silver how is the rib, and you, how are you doing?

Is Red ok?

Back to the grindstone
xxxxx

P.s Miflaw for what it's worth, it helps me, to know that this thread is still helping you.

Hello all! (waves) Just checking in and trying to catch up a little.

My baby boy is already 2 months old and sleeping in my lap right now. (Hence very short post!)

He is huge and healthy and gorgeous.

So glad to see that the brave babes are still battling. I will be posting again I think. I want to stay sober and well now that the temptation is there again.

I can't thank you all enough for the kind, unjudgmental support you gave me while pregnant.

morning!

MADDOG!!! how lovley to see you back!! soooo many congrats on the bouncing baby boy! you lucky girl!!

stick with us!, it will be lovely to have you around again!

Hello maddogs and congratulations! 2 months is a lovely age - I remember my girls being sort of settled by then, and I'd got over (or got used to) the bewildered feeling of broken sleep.

Maddogs:) congrats on your baby boy, have often wondered how you were doing and am delighted to see you back again:)

Morning Babes.

Maddogs - fantastic news on your baby boy. Well done for staying sober and for coming back onto the bus. Lovely to see you xx

thurso - his real name is Seth, DD named him after a werewolf in Twilight. Nemo loves him and DD is fab with too, she's getting used to him now, he's a bit boingy!

Dogs aren't for everyone but we are dedicated to the cause.

Zany

You may think I'm just an old nag, but can I ask you a question?

You said

"My ideal place to be would be to be a sensible drinker I guess. To not drink in the week unless its a special occasion where I may have 1 or 2 and then to have a few drinks at the weekend but not to go to excess everytime."

Being totally honest, what is it that's stopping you? Why haven't you got that now? After all, I'm guessing no one is pinning you down and pouring drinks down your throat - you hold them yourself, yes? So why don't you just stop after two? Why don't you just not pour a drink at all five nights out of seven?

This is what used to baffle me. I can count on my two hands the number of occasions when I went out and said, "I'm going to get drunk tonight." I didn't like getting drunk, because I saw it as weakness, especially in a man.

However, for at least the last three years of my drinking, I was drunk practically every night, because for me, to drink automatically became getting drunk. I just couldn't help it.

And the reason I couldn't help it was because I wasn't normal and, deep down, I had no desire to drink normally either. I did desire to drink heavily and not suffer for it; but that's not the same thing at all. Like you, nothing was stopping me putting the drink down after two glasses; nothing, except my crazy head. The head's still as crazy where alcohol is concerned; I know this because i've tested it, and because even now, after 8 solid years sober, I can still think, "I wonder if a drink would taste nice?" Maybe it would. But then, the process of getting HIV can be a lot of fun; that doesn't mean I want AIDS.

So I've taken the easy route. I don't drink, so I CAN'T get drunk. And my life is happy as a result.

To put it bluntly, what do you think is actually going to happen to change your head from crazy to non-crazy?

The first time I have stopped drinking as you Zany, I wanted to drink on special occasion or a little bit at week end. I have tried but never could stop at one. Even worst, one week into stopping I went out, everybody knew I was stopping drinking but it didnt stop having one (because it wont hurt) then another, then another. Then little by little, the booze came back to my house and I was back to square one.

Today I wont drink.

I think it is my lack of willpower that stops me MIFLAW although as you have said I think in the past that it also takes willpower to carry on drinking. I think that for me it has become a habit to reach for a drink when stressed, sad, lonely and also when happy. I am hoping that by having lots of drink free days and by cutting down that I can get out of this habit and deal with things in other ways. I may be deluding myself and will need help apart from you guys to do this and possibly I will need to scarily admit that I am an alcolholic (see I can't even spell it let alone say it) In RL my divorce is now final and within the next few months I will have re morgaged and so the house will be in my name only. I am still struggling with my demons from an emotional abusive relationship but in the back of my mind I keep thinking that my life should be less stressful soon and so I will be more able to resist the 'oh I have had a stressful day so I'll pour myself a drink' syndrome.

Hope that makes sense.

It makes complete sense - but that doesn't make it true.

Let's imagine that it really is to do with willpower. We use willpower to do things that are unpleasant but in our best interests. For example, we pay bills, even though it's boring and leaves us broke, because otherwise we'd have the leccy cut off. We revise for exams when good stuff is on the tv because otherwise we'd fail the exam and have to resit.

Why is it that your drinking bucks this trend? Why can you use willpower successfully and consistently in other areas of your life but it is useless against drinking alcohol? Drinking is a simple physical action - why should it be different?

Now humour me and imagine that you have a mental illness that tells you that you "need" to drink alcohol, even when the existence of a single devout Muslim would prove that this is nonsense.

Now, the unpleasant thing is getting drunk; but you "need" to do that to survive. It's in your best interests. So you do it. And no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it destroys other areas of your life, you find the strength to keep on doing it because, in your mind, it is necessary.

If you had this mental illness, you can see that what you would need to do is not to fight to control the drinking; but reeducate your brain. In other words, the drink wouldn't be the real problem, any more than bills are the real reason why I'm broke, it's how I see money that's the issue; it would be your head that needed sorting out.

But of course that depends on whether you can concede that you might not be viewing alcohol in an entirely rational way ...

you MIF!, an old nag? never!

do you know im over 8 months sober?

Eight months is immense! Well done you! Did you ever think this was possible - or even desirable?

Absolutely brilliant JWN, as MIFLAW says 8 months is immense!

Hope you don't mind but i've just looked at your very first thread out of curiosity (partly to see where I weighed in!)

I literally do not recognise the JWN who started that thread.

Well done you.

for so many years i had denied the problem - i think i almost got used to the self-loathing, the lying and deceit, i had definatly got so used to feeling physically crap that i thought it was a normal way to feel - i had grown used to waking up and realising i had let myself down again - i thank god/higher-power/whatever, that i had that last dreadful day of drinking, without it i would proberbly still be going through the motions of living my life, it was a 'half empty' existance and i could kick myself for wasting so much fucking time!

i dont recognise that woman, but i bloody remember her, miserable old cow!

im boingy, i have definatly regained my zest for life, i feel well, healthy, in control, useful and very happy!, and no, if you had told me it would be like this i would have told you you were a lying tosser! afterall, arent sober people a load of boring arseholes? , i will take boring arsehole over boring drunk anyday of the week!

jwn I too re-read your original thread from time to time. You have done something amazing and the way you pass on what you've got is really inspiring. I couldn't see when I first joined this thread that your boinginess was genuine. I can see it now, and you are the person you were always meant to be.

I am really struggling with my daughter's father and the way he treats her, I am so angry and just can't get past it this afternoon. Also my childminder has moved her holidays which is going to cause me trouble with work and cost me a fortune. I am determined not to drink on it, but am just desperate for something that will take the intensity of feeling and anger away. Shared it at lunchtime meeting and I know the advice is to pray for him/ her but I can hardly get the words out and sure as hell don't mean them.

noteven - my dds biological father is a wanker who i would never pray for!, he dosent deserve my prayers, he lost that when he deserted my dd and walked away from from his responsibilitys - i actually dont give a toss wheather he is alive or dead, its of no interest to me - what is in my interest is to stay sober, my dd deserves that, as does your little girl!, she needs you sober and happy and well enough to be the best mum you can be!, dont waste your energy getting angry with the bastard,(i know its hard, but really, let it go!, its history and you cant change it, however angry you are!) use it to get better and make a good life for you and your dd!

He drops in, confuses her, and drops out again. He's done so today. It was terrible two weeks ago. It can be weeks or months between visits. She is so confused by it.

I need to let the past go, but it is getting in my present too, and I have this I-deserve-to-be-angry thing, on DD's behalf, he plays games with a defenceless 4 year old. I can't hurt him, so somehow I turn it to trying to hurt myself.

But yes, she needs a sober mummy, and I need to go to "any lengths" (that phrase comes up so much for me) and I guess one of those is being deadly serious about learning to handle this, as I have to live with it...
Sorry for the rant, thanks jwn.

noteven - im honestly not judging or nagging, but, im of the opinion that a parent has no right to walk in and out of a childs life - be consistant or fuck off! - are you strong enough to say that yet?

i found that once i did say it, exh was only to glad to clear off!, dd has not seen him for many years, she has not missed anything!

Jesus - I have also read your thread the last hour, I hope I'll be saying I have been 8 months, 9 months, 10 months without drinking. It also made me think about my own experience and one particular things you have said :" You are enjoying not drinking, not enduring it" It is exactly how I feel and may use your quote on thursday when I'm out !!

Sobriety should be enjoyed, not endured to give the correct quote !

I cant believe I have killed this thread
Have a good evening ladies !

Hello