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Original poster

found viagra in my dp's bag. Don't know why he has it

29 replies

juicychops · 11/02/2011 11:11

me and dp have a very active sex life. most days that he's round mine we have sex which is 5-6 times per week. He's never had any problems 'getting it up'.

the other day i was putting clothes in dp's bag which he brings to mine with all his stuff in it. it was laying on top - there was a viagra box with a splinter pack for 4 tablets. 3 were missing. The date on the prescription sticker was xmas eve. I remember he was off work that day and off doing his own thing and getting last minute xmas presents for his kids so he obviously went docs too.

He's been under incredible stress lately but its never caused a problem in the bedroom.

That night we had sex - nothing out of the ordinary though just a normal half hour ish session. After i went downstairs to get a drink and i thought id check the packet. The last one had gone so he must have used it that night for sex.

Ive not mentioned it to him as i dont want to embarrass him. We have sex a lot so 4 tablets obviously dont last long. There was no difference in sex between that night and any other night so couldn't tell that it had made a difference.

i don't know why he got them from the doc. any ideas?

OP posts:
Mymblesson · 11/02/2011 11:24

He's been under incredible stress lately but its never caused a problem in the bedroom.

Yes it has. That's why he's using Viagra.

He's too embarrased to tell you about it, though. I'd do exactly the same thing, I think.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/02/2011 12:36

but what i mean is that we've had sex probably about 30 times since xmas eve and he only had 4 tablets so i cant work out what the point is in those 4 tablets when he doesn't actually need them. i just cant work it out

OP posts:
alexsdad · 11/02/2011 12:39

He could have had more than 1 packet in the prescription, having gone through the rest of them. This might be the last one.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/02/2011 12:42

the box/prescription was only for 4 tablets

OP posts:
emmyloopsylou · 11/02/2011 12:45

Yes it has caused a problem, hence the prescription. He may sometimes have problems, sometimes not.

Viagra contrary to popular belief does not make you into an all night long adonis. It gives you a nudge when you need it .....

idobelieveinfairies · 11/02/2011 12:46

he might have had other prescriptions though and the dates have been mixed up?

Perhaps he was just a bit embarrassed so didn't mention it, you know what men can be like!

5 to 6 times a week aye! Might have to send DP off to the G.P then!! He couldn't handle that without help i am sure!

Malificence · 11/02/2011 12:49

From what I understand about viagra, one of the main complaints for people who use it is that you only get one tablet per week on script.
The only way to find out is to talk to him, it seems very odd, as you say, you have a lot of sex so why does he need it?
He shouldn't be hiding things from you.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/02/2011 13:21

maybe thats why he only had 4 then if its one per week.

i don't know how to bring it up. ive brought it up as a joke as it was mentioned on tv but he just laughed it off and made a joke of it

he's a very private man

OP posts:
wolfhound · 11/02/2011 13:28

Do you need to bring it up? Maybe just let him have his secret - at least you saw he was using the tablet for you not for someone else!

Malificence · 11/02/2011 13:31

It sounds like he's had performance issues in the past so they are a back up for him if he has a bad day?
At least he's getting them on prescription and not from dodgy sources but being private doesn't mean he can hide things from you, if he's feeling pressured into having sex every time he's with you then it needs discussion . It's a shame he doesn't feel he can be honest with you, that needs sorting out sooner rather than later - people who hide things in relationships don't tend to make good partners.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/02/2011 14:07

at least i THINK he's hiding it from me due to embarrassment or from being ashamed (neither of which he should feel). Sex has always been a big thing for us and a big part of our relationship. Its a big thing to him personally too.

oh, i dont know. maybe he did have it as a back up and felt that certain times he may have needed it if he wasn't in the right frame of mind.

i don't really want to bring it up. do you think i should keep quiet about it then?

OP posts:
CheerfulV · 11/02/2011 15:14

"people who hide things in relationships don't tend to make good partners" Mal, you're spot on here.

lovemyalfa · 11/02/2011 17:34

If you don't say anything to him it will probably become a big deal in your head as every time you DTD you'll wonder if he's had one. My advice, just choose your moment and say '... I saw some viagra in your bag, do you want to talk about it?' If he says no then at least he knows you know so he doesn't have to hide it. By the sounds of it he didn't go to much effort to keep them hidden from you so might be grateful if you raise the issue first. Good luck x

lint · 11/02/2011 19:43

I agree with lovemyalfa. Casually mention that you saw it and see what he says... otherwise you'll always wonder about it.
Get it out in the open straight away, don't cover up any worries but talk about them. I know you say he's a private man but he should talk to you about this, don't let him hide.

emmyloopsylou · 11/02/2011 19:57

Tread carefully though.........I know secrets are bad, etc, etc.

But it's easy for us women to sit here and say, no secrets, blah, blah, blah. Whether we are in bad or good relationships. It's very hard for a man sometimes to admit they have had or do have this kind of problem. Like it's an intrusion onto their manliness.

He is your dp, and you don't live together yet, so I can see why maybe he hasn't brought up this yet, I really can and I wouldn't be making a huge issue of it. I don't think he is an asshole, just maybe felt it not necessary to say or embarassed. I think we as women don't always understand how a man feels about these kinds of things tbh.

I think some of the women in this thread are being too harsh on him, and if you are, you may lose him. It's a sensitive subject. Ignore the don't let him hide nonsense, you need to show him sensitivity.

I do think though he may have wanted you to find them as a way of bringing the subject up.

quietlysuggests · 12/02/2011 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinkertitonk · 12/02/2011 15:39

OK, so he's shagging you 5-6 times a week.

If this is too little, hope he takes more vitamin V. If too much, tell him he's a stallion who's ruined you for ordinary men. If it's about right, don't rock the boat.

Original poster
juicychops · 12/02/2011 19:03

ive been thinking about it yesterday and today and i think i may leave it for now. Hopefully its just a problematic time for him mentally with all the pressure and stress he's under with various things. hopefully it will pass.

if i find more later on then i might consider confronting him about it, but for now i think i might just let him have his secret as i dont want to make him feel he's under pressure in the bedroom from me now. but il look out for signs that he might be 'struggling' in the bedroom and if i notice anything in his 'performance' consider it then, as so far i haven't noticed anything lacking in his performance

OP posts:
Mymblesson · 13/02/2011 01:30

very hard for a man sometimes to admit they have had or do have this kind of problem. Like it's an intrusion onto their manliness.

Yes, exactly. Some things are very hard to talk about and while I ageee in most cases and with with all respect to Malificence, this...

people who hide things in relationships don't tend to make good partners

...is a bit simplistic and judgemental for this sort of thing. Having problems with getting erections strikes right at the heart of who we are or who we perceive ourselves to be. If having a secret stash of Viagra helps with confidence, then how is that harmful or not being a good partner? I would assume that if the problem, if there is one, gets worse then of course it will need to be discussed. Until then: 'ah if I have a problem I have some backup!' seems an aceptable thing.

BitOfFun · 13/02/2011 01:40

I would have to bring it up ask him, I think, or I would be thinking about it and getting unsexily preoccupied. I don't think it does wonders for a sexual relationship to start taking the role of kindly observer.

OneMoreChap · 16/02/2011 16:27

Oh goodness.

Viagra/Kamagra/Cialis is many men's guilty secret.

If you've had a performance problem, it assures you that you won't have another.

Often I wouldn't dream of telling my DW that I'd taken one in case she didn't feel like bedroom activity :). You need to take them 45 minutes to an hour early.

Saying "I'm just going to take an erectile dysfunction tablet now" could tend to put some pressure on your partner.

You know he's taking them with you; he's probably using them as a confidence crutch a bit.

Malificence · 16/02/2011 16:52

So you would potentially waste one when you are only allowed one per week on prescription? Hmm

How hard is it to say that you feel like sex later, does she?

Surely she inform you if she's feeling fruity, so you can take one?

OneMoreChap · 16/02/2011 17:10

@Malificence, like most blokes, I don't buy off prescription.

Occasionally, I say, something along the lines of an early night, or wouldn't it be nice to spend the afternoon in bed. But genearally? No.

Informs me? Obviously a different sort of relationship. What can be nice kisses and cuddles can sometimes be the precursor to sex; sometimes it's kisses and cuddles.

I learnt very early on not to pressure my desires, because that way lies "You just want me for sex."

Malificence · 16/02/2011 17:20

Does she actually know about / would understand and have empathy for, your ED and your taking of medication?

OneMoreChap · 16/02/2011 17:49

No, not empathy; sympathy.

She's aware that I occasionally take them (I don't always have a problem, but if tired or if I have had a recent problem, I'll take one if I think it likely we might have sex)