Is it shallow to go for men because they earn a lot of money?

[poshsinglemum]

I am pondering if I have been aiming too low on the old dating market. In the past I have mostly dated men without degrees and who aren't that well off. I find other nice qualities in them but I am wondering if I should start looking men with better careers and more intellectual prowess/cash.

I know that this is completely shallow but then intelligent, ambitious men turn me on. In the past I have gone for ''a bit of rough'' but of course this hasn't worked in the long run.
I don't think money is the be all and end all but it does help. I also value a kind, gentle, lovely man who won't cheat.

Did you guys consider your partner's job when decising to commit?

Also, did you consider their educational background?

Are you serious?

Well what financial bracket are you in yourself? Do you have a degree and a professional job?

do you have the attributes to be a trophy wife?

Just read all the threads on here from women who are miserable with wealthy men, as well as those from women whose misery is further exacerbated by money worries.

The bottom line is, it's kind of irrelevant. Go fo someone whose personal qualities attract you, and whose values match yours. If they happen to earn a shedload, then great, but that really can't be the main motivating factor. It's a cliche, I know, but nonetheless true that money really doean't buy happiness.

Good God woman - earn your own money and then his won't matter.

Of course money isn´t everything, and you can´t help who you fall in love with, but there were definitely men I didn´t/wouldn´t go out with as I didn´t think that they were good enough for me.

I mean, I wouldn't be attracted to someone with limited intelligence or ambition. But equally, my over-riding priority is kindness and similar family values. Oh and shared sense of humour. Anything else has been icing on the cake.

It's not shallow to go for intelligence and ambition if that's what turns you on. Although don't forget that a lot of the most ambitious people have precious little room in their lives for anything other than their work.

It is incredibly shallow to choose men predominantly because of how much money they've got.

"I also value a kind, gentle, lovely man who won't cheat."

Go and look for that then. Is there such an excess of kind gentle lovely men that you need extra criteria to use to whittle them down to a manageable number?

I know plenty of intelligent people who don't earn much - dp is one of them.

Yes it is shallow. A degree does not equal intelligence, certainly not common sense, and not even ambition these days.

If you are picking a man based on his finanical accumen, you will get what you deserve.

If you truly liked a bloke enough to be with him, it wouldnt matter what his bank balance or job was.

I think you have every right to want to meet someone who has similar educational qualifications and work experience to yourself. It's natural that you would then have shared experiences; many people prefer that.

For myself, I've made a lot of effort over the years to educate myself (as a mature student) - education and hard work are things I value. It's unlikely I'd be interested in someone who didn't share those values.

Whether those values had made him wealthy or not is irrelevant.

I wouldn't take on anyone else's debt problems, but that's a different matter, in my opinion.

How would you know though? Would Bank Statements need to be provided?

Fine, if you like 'intelligent, ambitious men' then look out for one of those (not sure where but still) - just don't expect that to mean that they're loaded! that part of your argument does sound shallow, I'm afraid.

I'm not sure how many wealthy, intelligent, ambitious, kind, gentle, faithful, lovely men there are free at the moment, to be honest.

They're not really the sort of men that women get rid of, are they?

Yes it is shallow but if you are shallow then you're not going to make a relationship work if they don't have money so I guess you are justified in crossing the nice penniless ones off the list.

As I am capable of earning enough money to keep myself and DS fed and clothed, I would actually be quite grateful of you to steer clear of the nice ones wihtout much money.

Thanks in advance

What's important to me now is emotional intelligence, and a get up and go attitude. Also a man who is committed to working, it could be in a low paid job but the work ethic has to be there. So no Call of Duty obsessed stoneheads who find it hard to drag their wattless arses to the Jobcentre once a fortnight (seethes)

Well of course it's shallow, and it's shallow of men to go for looks.

But lots of people are shallow. Not on this forum of course, no sirree.

sense of humour is key.

It is not shallow, but realistic

But that only if you play in the same field as they do. If you don't... you are likely to be looked down by exactly the same persons you are aiming to attract.

I've noticed poshsinglemum did not answer the question about her financial bracket/having a degree/professional job.

I don't think it is just 'intelligent and ambitious men' that turn her on; it's the possibility of shopping trips that really does it.

I think she has tried to back track a little by suggesting it was a joke thread.

Smart move, OP.

I work in the City plenty of intelligent ambitious men there who frequently work long hours, travel on business, relocate so they can only get home on weekends, are welded to the blackberry even when they are on holiday etc.

They might say that it won't be like that but I can tell you as an intelligent ambitious woman in the City its bloody difficult not to get sucked in to that way of working.

You have to look at the whole package. Its great to have a bloke you can have an entertaining conversation with but if he is working 12 hrs a day and bringing work home or taking clients out then chats may be a bit thin on the ground.

It is also bloody boring if their scintillating conversation is all about them and their wonderful job