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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

masturbation worries

100 replies

Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:17

We don't live together, but spend many nights together. However, we only seem to have sex at the weekends, as my partner says he's always tired (accept on the odd occassion). They work long hours in a factory, so this is more then understandable. What I can't get my head around however, and am rather upset about is that they masturbate on the nights I don't stay, despite being to tired when I stay (unless it's the weekend).

I know this sounds ridiculas, and I honestly hate myself for feeling the way I do. I mean, I understand that what a person does with their genitles in their own time is their own business. But, I have long suffered with self esteem issues, and really feel upset that he feels too tired to sleep with me, yet when I'm not there isn't to tired to masturbate.

I find myself becoming sad over this, to the point I can't bare to be in the company of my partner with out seeming off. I hate the fact this bothers me, and for the life of me wish it didn't. But no matter how much I say to myself it's not a problem and to get over it, I can't.

OP posts:
Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 19:21

Having one off the wrist is much quicker and easier than having proper sex. Fact.

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 19:23

Sorry that was fatuous.

I mean to say that he can have a crafty wank at whatever time in the night, half asleep or not, quick and easy.

What I'm fascinated by, though, is how you know about it?

Alouiseg · 01/02/2011 19:23

Do you never just fancy a quick orgasm without the rigmarole of getting entangled with someone else?

OhForBoonessSake · 01/02/2011 19:23

it takes a lot less energy, both emotional and physical to have a wank. he may be too tired for full sex but not for a wank. dont take it personally.

Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:23

This is true. Maybe I am being stupid? I just wish I felt less hurt by it.

OP posts:
Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:24

He says when I have asked. I feel to embarassed to ention it as I know what ytou guys are saying is right.

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 01/02/2011 19:25

Sometimes it's a very effective way of falling asleep with minimal effort. Don't stress.

madonnawhore · 01/02/2011 19:26

Don't feel sad about this, there's a massive difference between having sex with a partner and masturbating. Men are lazy at wanking (lazy wankers?!). He probably just lies there, tosses off for 5 mins, comes and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Easy.

If he has sex with you he has to 'perform', make sure you're satisfied, probably do a couple of positions, get a bit hot and sweaty. Too much like hard work if he's knackered.

But regardless of whether he masturbates or not, I probably would be a bit put out that sex is restricted to weekends only. Doesn't make for a great, spontaneous love life.

How long have you guys been together? Is he lazy towards your relationship in other areas? Is he affectionate in other ways?

ItsGraceAgain · 01/02/2011 19:28

Is there anything in the back of your mind, along the lines that if a partner doesn't crave sex with you he might not love you? Does it make you feel insecure that he sometimes has sex with himself?

Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:29

He's perfect in every other way, and when we do have sex, it's amazing! Sensual, fulfilling, everything I wish it could be.

I think the issue is my own self esteem. As I said, I know I'm stressing over what is more likely noothing. It just feels like a rejection, despite telling myself over and over it isn't.

OP posts:
Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:30

Exactly itsgrace!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 19:46

RP, lots of men and women masturbate

it's a natural thing

it is no reflection on you, just an "itch" to scratch sometimes

when you are both up for it together, your sex life sounds fab and that is all that matters

he sounds like a normal bloke, with a normal libido

think of him as just "keeping in practice" for the weekends Smile

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 19:48

It just feels like a rejection, despite telling myself over and over it isn't.

It really, really isn't, honest. It's just very... human.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 19:48

lots of happy couples don't find time for sex during the week, but make up for it at weekends

would you be up for a bit of mutual self-love ? Grin (with him, not me, just in case you got the wrong idea) < ahem >

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:01

shit, I've killed it Blush

madonnawhore · 01/02/2011 20:01

If he is fab in all other ways then I definitely don't think you have anything to worry about. Maybe look into some counselling or something to work on your self esteem?

And as AF said, why don't you have a bash yourself...? :)

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:02

oh thank christ for that...

Alouiseg · 01/02/2011 20:06

A bash :o

That's a new one!

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:08

you never heard of that term, Al ?

"Bash The Bishop" Grin

madonnawhore · 01/02/2011 20:09

Bashing one out right now tbh...

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 20:11

would you be up for a bit of mutual self-love ?

That could be the way forward, AF. Recommended for a bit of fun.

Alouiseg · 01/02/2011 20:12

I've led a sheltered life Blush. arf Wink

HaggisHunter · 01/02/2011 20:13

Really? Grin

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:14

Al, sure you have

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:15

oi, mym....thanks, btw Smile