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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

masturbation worries

100 replies

Randomperson · 01/02/2011 19:17

We don't live together, but spend many nights together. However, we only seem to have sex at the weekends, as my partner says he's always tired (accept on the odd occassion). They work long hours in a factory, so this is more then understandable. What I can't get my head around however, and am rather upset about is that they masturbate on the nights I don't stay, despite being to tired when I stay (unless it's the weekend).

I know this sounds ridiculas, and I honestly hate myself for feeling the way I do. I mean, I understand that what a person does with their genitles in their own time is their own business. But, I have long suffered with self esteem issues, and really feel upset that he feels too tired to sleep with me, yet when I'm not there isn't to tired to masturbate.

I find myself becoming sad over this, to the point I can't bare to be in the company of my partner with out seeming off. I hate the fact this bothers me, and for the life of me wish it didn't. But no matter how much I say to myself it's not a problem and to get over it, I can't.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 01/02/2011 20:15

Confused am still trying to work out whos they.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:21

PL...I noticed that too, but decided to ignore it

in case I got hold of the wrong end of the stick

or perhaps there is lots of "mutual" stuff going on ? Wink

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 20:23

No probs, AF Smile

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:26

OP...where ya gone ?

We haven't scared you off, have we ?

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:27

Mym, give 'em enough rope, eh ? Wink

Alouiseg · 01/02/2011 20:29

Rope, you say?? Interesting!

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:33

sorry, Al, referencing another thread

it could apply to this one, though, if you would like it to

sheltered life you say ?

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 20:33

Hehe.

Sariah · 01/02/2011 20:40

Who's says it is natural? Why is it deemed natural? just wondering who decides if something is natural?

Malificence · 01/02/2011 20:43

Well other species of animals masturbate, so it's not just a human habit, so I'd say it was pretty natural.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 20:46

sariah...do you think it is "unnatural" ?

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 20:48

Masturbation is recorded in most mammals, Sariah

I remember being in a Swiss service station where there were some caged bears (barbaric I know). They were having a good old wank to relieve the boredom.

Those lovely New Agey Dolphins do it with dead fish, when they're not busy murdering Porpoises.

CoraMackenzie · 01/02/2011 20:52

Sariah, it's natural because it's a normal human urge which does no harm to anyone whatsoever. On the contrary, it releases stress, helps one get to know their own body and feels nice.

OP, if everything else is great then you need to think through why this is bothering you. It is nothing remotely close to being unfaithful so you shouldn't worry then. It only ever becomes a problem in a relationship if one partner starts to use it as their main or only source of sexual comfort but that doesn't sound the case at all here.

Good luck sorting things out in your head and enjoy what sounds like a good relationship.

Sariah · 01/02/2011 21:00

Myself and dh choose not to masturbate. We rely on each other entirely for our sexual satisfaction. It has been over 6 years since either of us has indulged and our sex life has really improved.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 21:01

dead fish eh ?

the dolphin version of The Rabbit Grin

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 21:02

sariah...if that works for you and your husband then fair play to you

but please don't question others...especially on a thread where a lady is very unsure and looking for support

your post looks, at best, unhelpful

Sariah · 01/02/2011 21:09

Sorry but I can question who or what I like and it is ok to have differing opinions and it is ok for some people to like and be ok with masturbation and for others to have issues/different opinions on it. By saying something is natural it is like saying that its like the air that we breathe and so therefore is all good. Sometimes masturbation can take away from a relationship. It is a selfish act. It is not about your partners pleasure but all about your own. It would normally involve them fantasising about someone/something outside the relationship and I would see this as taking from the relationship rather than adding to it.

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 21:10

It is not about your partners pleasure but all about your own.

And the problem with this is...??

It would normally involve them fantasising about someone/something outside the relationship]

Nah, my wankbank often involves having the wife over the dining room table.

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 21:11

As a memory and a promise Grin

AnyFucker · 01/02/2011 21:13

sariah...do you seriously hink that taking pleasure from your own body is wrong

can I ask...do you have children ?

if you do...what do you when they innocently do what feels nice ?

BooBooGlass · 01/02/2011 21:13

Sariah, you can pray for my sins if it makes you feel better Confused

Sariah · 01/02/2011 21:13

Why have a wank then surely having her over the kitchen table would be more enjoyable for her and you. I would hate to think of all that energy going to waste.

Mymblesson · 01/02/2011 21:14

Why have a wank then surely having her over the kitchen table would be more enjoyable for her and you

Tsk Sariah, it's not either/or.

Sariah · 01/02/2011 21:18

I don't recall saying it was wrong. Just selfish. I would rather share that part of me with my dh and not just self indulge. I guess I will always trade short term pleasure for long term happiness. Just speaking from my own experience and the improvements I have noticed from relying totally on my dh for my sexual pleasure. Why is it so wrong to have a different opinion ??

Yes we have 5 children aged between 1 year and 17 years.

Sariah · 01/02/2011 21:19

What you wank on her when she is eating her dinner at the kitchen table, how charming :)