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Original poster

NSA internet "dating" is it right or wrong ?

94 replies

blondegirl1979 · 31/01/2011 19:36

This is my first post on here. I am after peoples thoughts/opinions really, I recently posted a NSA advert on a website, recieved about 70 replies. About 60 from married men, on my ad I said I didnt mind if they were single or not, but I was genuinely shocked about the number of married men replying to me, especially the number divulging info about their wives and kids, even attaching photos of themselves with wives.

I am not a nieve person, but am surprised at some of the lengthts men would go to for sex, and what they were willing to risk. For my own personal reasons I am not the most trusting, but this has fairly much trashed what little faith I had left in people.

Also, married men aside, why does there seem to be a stigma against meeting people in this way, even if noone is doing anything wrong, and are consenting adults ?

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 31/01/2011 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 31/01/2011 19:43

You said you didn't mind whether they're single or not and then you're surprised the majority of replies were from married men??

The nice single one's will be thinking that slapper's she's not for me...

fortyplus · 31/01/2011 19:44

OMG I put an extra apostrophe... Blush
Grin

HopeEternal · 31/01/2011 19:44

Why not scroll down a bit, blondegirl, and read the thread "Husband on online dating chat sites" and see if you still think it's all right to have NSA with married men. If that one doesn't convince you, there are loads more threads on very similar lines.

TheSecondComing · 31/01/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrywidow · 31/01/2011 19:51

PMSL at TheSecondComing

KikiJane · 31/01/2011 19:53

I'm not suggesting all of them, by any means, but if some of them are willing to attach photos of themselves with their wives, perhaps they are in open relationships. There are a lot of people who are very quick to judge.

Original poster
blondegirl1979 · 31/01/2011 20:01

ok, so I did actually miss a vital bit of info out of my first post - which was that I only said that I didnt mind if they were single or not so they would be honest about it, and I would know which were genually single. I wasnot looking for a married man - just wanted some honesty. I should have said that to start with.
Also, not a slapper. Just was after a bit of fun, had previously tried "proper" dating sites where the men are all despirate for marrage and kids, I wanted somewhere between that and a 1 night stand.

OP posts:
KikiJane · 31/01/2011 20:02

That's what I was thinking, blondegirl. You never said you would actually have sex with these married men.

TheSecondComing · 31/01/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WherecanIhide · 31/01/2011 20:16

Blondegirl1979 You wanted some 'honesty'? That's a bit rich when these men will be lying to their wives and children.

'just a bit of fun'? How much fun are their children going to have when these twatish men get obsessed with easy lays like you and dump their families?

Original poster
blondegirl1979 · 31/01/2011 20:16

Thanks Kikijane - you're right, I didnt say that.
TheSecondComing, I had seen the post you mentioned, but i didnt coment on it as there were so many other posts, all I would have said though was that she should go by her gut instinct, but there was obviously a lot more to it. Just out of interest though - what is grim ? The fact that i did the ad in the first place, or the dodgy blokes that replied ?

OP posts:
KikiJane · 31/01/2011 20:20

Holy shit. Judgement and personal insults? blondegirl, you are a braver woman than I am for posting this.

TheSecondComing · 31/01/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
blondegirl1979 · 31/01/2011 20:31

wherecanihide: I wasnt asking men to lie to their wives, i wasnt intersted in the married ones, so not asking anyone to dump their families. please read the post 3 above you, from me explaining the whole story before you slate me.
Can I add that other bit to my original posting anyone - or is it too late now ?

OP posts:
merrywidow · 31/01/2011 20:35

After my H died I found his membership to loads of sites for married men to find women on his computer.

His profile did not match the man I knew; however he had some success and met up with at least one woman.

There was also a 'kit' in the car - breath freshener, face wipes and condoms.

Yuck

SarahTonin · 31/01/2011 20:36

Blondegirl1979 I understood you to be saying that you said you didn't mind whether they were married or single to encourage the marrieds to be honest so you could weed them out. Unfortunately it seems some posters put on their judgy pants before their reading glasses.

I don't think it's grim at all - that you basically just want a bit of a shag without a relationship however, searching online for that will be more than a bit grim as you've already seen.

Just a warning about (sorry to use the phrase) 'fuck buddies' - in my experience I have always been very honest and upfront that that is all I have been looking for at the time (various reasons, just come out of a relationship or focusing on career etc but don't want to halt all love life) but it has never ended well (one said yes yes that's all I want, I can't do commitment and listed various ways in which he was flaky/couldn't be relied on etc and then 3 months later wanted me to come and meet his parents for pre-christmas drinks) - have always felt the bloke was inversely interested - the less I wanted a relationship, the more he did. No matter how brutally honest I had been at the start and therefore I always felt bad ending things before I felt there was any further emotional involvement/potential for hurt.

Are there any other ways you can meet someone suitable? Nights out / speed dating? I just fear that any woman saying NSA online will be deluged by the most unsavoury men available. NSA does not mean no standards. Any NSA set-ups for me have arisen out of highly enjoyable one night stands that have become more regular appointments.

TheSecondComing · 31/01/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrywidow · 31/01/2011 20:52

Out of the blue TheSecond; He was abusive on every level so it was just another thing.

At the time I was fucking angry, but then I was generally angry with myself just after he died for putting up with his crap for years. Also in the car was a set of photos of a jolly little holiday he took with his ex wife, leaving me at home ill and our DD (aged 6 then ) had to look after me.

Miss him not, he was horrible.

merrywidow · 31/01/2011 20:56

Come to think of it, if a man who is married is out there looking for NSA sex, makes you wonder how he treats his wife in RL?

Original poster
blondegirl1979 · 31/01/2011 20:58

Secondcoming: yes that is grim, very sad.
Merrywidow: I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'll echo secondcomings words on that. But again, I dodnt want to meet married men.
Sarahtonin: Thanks for the understanding there, its much appreciated ! I met someone through my ad who i have seen quite a lot of since, so it seems to have worked out fine. Obviously noone can know what is around the corner, but it is not something I would rule out again in the future if i needed to, I trust my "gut" completely and would always let this lead me. But yes, NSA does not mean no standards, my standards are very high, perhaps that was the reason for my ad in the first palce.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 31/01/2011 21:35

I really think you shouldn't have said you didn't mind whether they're single or not. I'm certainly not judging you for wanting casual sex - in fact I've a single 41yo friend who uses Guardian soulmates and is about to meet up with rather lovely 28yo single bloke for some NSA fun. Bloody good for her I say!

By making the comment you've drawn married men like bees to the honeypot. I just can't understand why you'd be surprised at that.

KikiJane · 31/01/2011 21:41

Why does it matter if she's "drawing married men like bees to the honeypot" if she's not planning on having sex with them?

madonnawhore · 31/01/2011 21:42

There's nothing to say that if OP joined a regular dating site she'd be just as likely to potentially end up unwittingly dating a married man though is there?

It's not OP's fault if these men are cheating wankers.

KikiJane · 31/01/2011 21:43

My point exactly, madonnawhore.