If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

see the point i am trying to make spikey is that rage is not justification for hitting someone. a man can be enraged daily by his wife's behaviour. maybe she is lazy me she doesn't show him enough attention, maybe she flirts with other men. so lets say 3 days out of 7, this man gets enraged with his wife and loses it, he hits her. is totally apologetic everytime (we all know that story) but it happens again the next day. the rage takes over again and he snaps and hits her, again.

why is his rage less of an excuse than yours?

No not you peachy that was to Boo saying what's the difference between my rage and the man in her scenario. You just posted in between. I'm confused now

we arent saying that you were the abuser.

I have to get my NON ABUSIVE self off here and cook dinner.

"What comes to my mind is (and I do not wish for a second to stir up or provoke) : - is it possible it could be because they did not react to their abuser and therefore find more comfort in believing that had they done that (snapped and hit) it will be self degrading even more than taking the beating it self?"

what a truley disgraceful post justforthisone

QGOM has been one of the most thoughtful, reasoned and well respected voice on the relationship boards concerning domestic violence for years. That is a cheap, low and utterly innacturate comment.

justforthisone

snapping and hitting means you have lost control. many victims of EA and DV feel they have absoloutely no control over the lives. having the restraint to not lash out may have been the only control they ever had in the relationship.

to be abused either physically emotinally or sexually is horrendous obviously.

And if a victim of prolonged abuse does lash out then of course that is to be taken within context and understood. but that does not mean that it is right to have hit out.

two wrongs and all that.

but this is just ridiculous now. Spikey clearly doesn't get the point trying to be made on the thread and instead has veered of on some self involved rant about her own experience. I am fairly sure i have noticed her do similar on another thread too actually.

Yeah a survivor of abuse talking about her own experience on an abuse thread HOLD THE FRONT PAGE

spikey can you see my point?

There's more than one yype of survivor of domestic abuse Spijey, and more than one on here.

you don't agree with my opinions (parents absusive towards each other and me, very ex absuive also)

And believe me I get the points. Very much so

Iloveit.....

You sound like a bit of a tit attacking spikey who has put her case across really well. If my son goes to school everyday and is punched/verbally abused by bullies is he a bully when he snaps and hits back?

Fucking hell since Rivengate MN seems to have lost so much of it's decorum, everything is fair game. Well it's not, it's not okay to be anything other than supportive and proud of a survivor of abuse.

FFS.

I understand the position you are coming from, yes. Absolutely.

posie can you point out where i have attacked spikey please?

To all the people questioning spikey and having the arrogance to compare her suffering to a wife getting on her husband's tits, shame on you. The cycle of abuse includes pushing someone to the edge.

Get some compassion or piss off to Netmums.

Do I come across as a bit thick titsdropped? For your information I also studied DV as part of my undergrad, and did very well on my project. If I wasn't able to understand information, I doubt very much that would have happened

posie i will spell it out for you.

i am not comparing it to a wife getting on her husband's tits. i am comparing the rage she felt when she lashed out to the rage a man may feel when he lashes out at his wife. regardless of the reason they both lashed out in rage. spikey feels justified in her actions, the man feels jsutified in his.

As a survivor of abuse, myself, I can honestly say if anyone had accused me of abusing my father in the few times I defended myself or verbally abused him to gain control I would be devastated. You may not know what you're doing Ilove, in fact I'd say just by the incredibly ignorant comments that you have no idea what you're talking about, but accusing soemone that has survived abuse that they were guilty of abuse themselves is beyond the pale.

Posie you're very nice, thanks. I can't believed droopytits or whatever her name is said I went off on a "self involved rant". It's just vile

Well then you're wrong and clearly quite stupid. You have no experience at all, do you?

spikey...ask anyone I'm not very nice!! But I cannot allow anyone to compare you to an abuser, it's disgusting.

of EA? yes i do as i have already explained.

can you point out where i attacked spikey? and also where i told spikey she was guilty of abuse?

ThePosieParker Mon 24-Jan-11 17:11:22
Well then you're wrong and clearly quite stupid. You have no experience at all, do you?

that was for Ilove....not spikey!

Posie hiphiphurra

erm, no one has attacked spikey.

People have tried to explain why the point she is arguing is mute.

people have tried explaining that there is a difference between understandable given mitigation and right.

Spikey doesn't seem to want to move the discussion on though and instead seems intent on discussing her own experience only. as if that one situation should be the basis from whcih all violence is judged.