The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The New Year Wine Offers!

[Mouseface]

Hello all.

We are the Brave Babes. We're on the Battle Bus, travelling around sobriety and going day by day, hour by hour, through the detox hell of not drinking, cutting down or sometimes even not.

Come say hi. We won't bite.

No doubt one of us has been where you are now......

It's fine. No judging, no nasty jibes, just us, the BBs.

Come meet the others..................

Mouse, the PIL have are living in their holiday villa at the moment. They have been since after Xmas. I can no longer use their presence as a reason to drink.

Am still worried about DD2's speech delay but she has been referred to something called SENCO which should start the ball rolling if she needs special help.
I wish I could say I only want to drink when I'm stressed but it's also when I'm bored, lonely, happy, excited...I am Lucy and I'm addicted to alcohol.
How are are you, your little girl, Nemo?

Luci - yes, SENCO (Special Needs Educational Co Ordinator)

Nemo will have one at his school too.

He is grand, growing quickly! Catching up slowly.

Luci -you WILL get there sweetheart. Maybe it's just not your time yet. xx

LADY - You'll be amazed at how many 'friends' you have here already. In your darkest hour, one of us will be here.

Maybe not right away, but we'll be on our way.

I have to leave you for tonight. Nemo needs me. Been a whingey day so far.

He's changing, growing, learning, pushing bounderies......

All the things that he should have done by now, so this Mouse? This Mouse is a happy Mouse.

Night night Brave Babes.

Stay strong. Stay YOU! xxxx

Hi Luci - oh yes, I understand that feeling of wishing I could just get back to drinking normally. But I know that I'm kidding myself. Drinking 'normally' would mean having just a few glasses of wine in a week, maybe a couple more on a special occassion. Drinking normally would mean putting the cap back on the bottle and putting it in the fridge for another couple of days. Drinking normally would be not perpetually worrying about where my next drink was going to come from. I NEVER wanted to drink like that, and tbh I'd still rather have none than have a single glass.

Of course I could go back to drinking my version of normally (which was way, way way more than normal) but I'm sick of that lifestyle, I'm sick of feeling crap, I'm sick of worrying what I might have said or done when i was pissed. So here we are. On this journey, and getting there.

Mouse I hope that tonight you are a sound asleep mouse too xx

Yes Venus, I know. Truth is that a couple of drinks doesn't work for me. I am wondering seriously for the first time whether stopping is the only answer.
I think it is. But how? Even if I manage it, will I feel deprived, resentful and be unable to relax again?
Do you know anything about baclofen, supposed new cure for alcohol cravings?

Hey babes

Checking in.

Lady - if you do one thing tomorrow that could really help you then CHANGE YOUR GP.

I can't stress that enough. He/She is obviously unsympathetic and clueless.

If you want to get well then you do need the support of your GP - and your GP , by the sounds of it is a knob.

They are only human people with degrees in medicine. and can be bad or good or indifferent.

Find a new one.

My fractured rib seems to be a bit less painful and back to work tomorrow.

Off for a dose of Shameless, then bed

Big Hugs to you all

Still fighting here

xxxxxxx

this has moved me to tears tonight - so much resonates with me. the bottle a night habit, wine o'clock from 6-9pm. The weight gain, the self-loathing, the low self-esteem.
The hangovers, waking up feeling groggy, agonising about drinking....this thread is my salvation.
i have come a long way but it is not under control yet. JWN and MIFLAW - your truths hit home yesterday.And yet......

Sorry luci don't know anything about it. Is it available in the UK for alcohol withdrawal?

evening!! just had a quick read of this evenings posts!

luci - you are over thinking it!, just think about the day in hand, dont wonder if you will feel resentful tomorrow or the next day, who knows?, you may never feel resentful, why worry about it before it happens? - i can tell you here and now, i will never need booze to 'relax' me again, now im sober i can tell you that im more relaxed than ever!, the booze didnt relax me AT ALL!, in fact, when i look back back, it made me fretful, jittery, angry and unhappy, the only 'relaxing' i did with it was when i finally passed out! oh! and then of course, after it had 'relaxed' me and i woke up, i then had to spend hours worrying about what i had said and done while i was 'relaxing'!

of course i would like to drink 'normally', i would love to have a glass of wine with my dinner, a few drinks at a party, champagne on my dds wedding day, i have to be honest to myself though, it wouldnt stay at a glass or two, with me smiling nicely, it would all end in tears, with me being drunk and sluring and miserable and all the people who love me disappointed and annoyed and upset - it really dosent appeal to me, so every morning, the first thing i do is lay in bed, think about all the things i have/want to do and everyday i decide that my first decision is

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

so far, its working!

ma, are you drinking now?

HI everyone

Hi Next and Luci

I have had quite a few wobbles these last few days, nothing major but enough to make me feel crap and guilty when I was doing OK.

Like an idiot I went out on Saturday night for xP birthday and ended up in town trying to flag a taxi down, no one would stop, I guess because my taxi fare wouldn't be big enough, anyway I rang XP (he was only a few mins walk away), very upset and scared as loads of drunken twats kept comimg up to me - he then told my 'your an adult, get a taxi' and put the phone down. Am gutted that someone who says he still loves me would be like that. Had 40 guilty phone calls since as he says he can't believe he treated me so bad but has made me feel upset, hence the drinking. I didn't even want to go into town and spend money as I have come across this taxi problem before but he presuaded me.

To make things worse XH hands me a note with a list of things he wants from the house/me and issues he wants me to sort. He moved out 3 fucking years ago!!! Can now bearly speak to him and be cival in front of the DC's as its things I have already given him which he denies having.

Sorry to be on a downer - just had to vent as sometimes my friends in RL don't understand.

hello silver and ma and zany

im off to bed, i have just bought myself a new dress and began looking for shoes and almost ordered a pair i already have! nitwit! - anyway, just shows im a bit weary, so

goodnight all!

see you all in the morning!

L XXXXXX

JWN intersting what you say about alcohol making you jittery rather than relaxed. Prompted by luci's question about baclofen I was reading about neuro-receptors affected by alcohol and basically it said that

Alcohol enhances the functioning of GABA receptors, so when people drink alcohol they will feel calm, relaxed, or sleepy. However, when the GABA receptors are exposed to alcohol over a long period of time they stop responding and return to normal functioning. This is one reason why drinking alcohol has less and less of a payoff when consumed constantly over a long period of time. Another thing which happens when the function of the GABA receptor is enhanced by alcohol is that the brain tries to overcome this calming effect by producing more adrenaline and other similar neurotransmitters.

All of this would result in feeling fretful, jittery, angry and unhappy.

The article was also interesting about stopping drinking. It said that when the alcohol is stopped, adrenaline and other neuro transmitters are at high levels. This leads to raised blood pressure, raised pulse rate, and rapid breathing. Additionally the GABA receptors respond only very weakly. The result is anxiety, panic, and insomnia. I think that's what we talk about on here as 'seeing the hangover through to the end' and why the first few days of stopping can feel so crap.

Fortunately our bodies are pretty good at self-repair and the adrenaline levels fall and the GABA receptors recover leaving us able to relax and sleep and feel calm.

Fretful, jittery, anxious, unhappy and guilty..that's me after drinking.
Good morning BB's. Up early with the LO's. Feeling calm and peaceful. Slept well and woke without that horrible alcoholic shame.
Hope you all slept well and are feeling ready for the day ahead. :)

Hi everyone !

Thank you so much for last night !

Today I wont drink, I bought some sweets and some lucozade and I'm going for a walk.

Also I'm going to try to make some little post its to remind me why I shouldnt drink to help me when I'm feeling weak :

I wont drink because it is really unhealthy

With each bottles I wont drink, I'll save 5.99 everyday that I can put in a esaving account.

Eventually I'll lose weight

My hair will be shinier again

My skin will look better

I'll sleep well and by that I mean "no more waking up at 2 am and being unable to sleep because the guilt is crippling me"

Can you think of other toughts?

Morning lady. Someone on here (can't remember who ) wrote out the things that helped to remind her why she was staying sober and stuck them on her fridge and other places around the house. You could do that for the next few days while no-one is around.

I think also that phrasing things in the postive is good for you too, so rather then 'not waking up' you could re-write it as 'I am learning to sleep well, and to wake feeling good about myself' and 'I am drinking fruit juice / tea / water because it is delivcious and it improves my health'

How are you Venus ? yes it is a good idea ! I'm going to try to find that list and catch up with all the thread.

Morning!

good luck for today Lady, it sounds like you have done incredibly well so far. I echo what JWN said about changing your GP.

All ok here. Made it to Day 4.

Eczema already clearing up. Skin less dry but very very tired.

Yes I will change my gp, she was not very understanding and looked down on me. Well done on you 4 days alcohol free msgee !

Thanks Lady I managed a couple of months and then it all went a bit wrong over Xmas, so here I am, clambouring back on the bus.

I am starting to remember all the good things about not drinking.

LADY - Whoops!

I normally add a link in with the intros so that people can get back to the thread before, the one before that and so on.

SORRY BRAVE BABES!

Here it is

If you click on the blue 'here', you should be able to find the journeys so far.

for forgetting.

Hey Mouse how are you? Did you get some sleep last night?

Fancy taking bets on when my builders will finish, they say today. My guess is friday.

Actually today would be a bit problematic as they might want paying when they finish ... and we don't have the money.
Am hoping by Friday I could get it...

Morning MsGee

I have a cuning plan. Feed them tea/coffee all day so that they keep having to stop for a loo break

That should slow them right down?

Our builder arrived today which was nice of him

I'm kinda getting used to broken sleep again, it's like when Nemo was tiny.

Seems after a few nights, it becomes the norm.

Deep joy!

Just a quick message (or so I thought it would be before I wrote it?) but maybe I have a lot to write if I can....

Lady how are you? Can you say roughly where you are?? Maybe someone could help you get through the day?

Mouse thank you SO MUCH for sharing what you did. My drinking got out of control after my DD was sexually abused in February 2010. I do not want me or you or anyone else to compare the two in anyway - I am so very in awe of what you have achieved given Nemo?s diagnosis and prognosis and think you are amazing in what you do every day. But something terrible did happen to our DCs and our response was that pain-numbing anaesthetic of alcohol.

My story is, I had no-one else to stop me or talk to me, so I carried on after the terrors that hit my/ our home lives in Feb 2010. Spent my (minimal) savings on alcohol ( I am disgusted), as my income, as an LP, was carefully budgeted to cover all DD and I needed. Used excuses denial, and, yes, lies. I stopped November 20th, 2010. I have slipped since.

Because I am on my own, my former GP and new GP - as I moved to be near my family - and the SW we were assigned, have taken every word I said to everyone that should have helped?.. essentially in the end to mean that DD is not safe in the night.

I am living SS, alcohol services, living hell. I have had a drink 6 times in over 2 months. But still I am being asked. My mental health is struggling, and to say I do not need a drink today seems to get harder rather than easier.

I have AA. I am off work because I need AA and I need to be able to cope. I am bright and independent ? or at least I was - but alcohol is "baffling, cunning, powerful". I wish I knew what best to do. I do, honestly, feel that because I had no-one before I drank, and of course that carries on (with the exception of AA) now, that it counts against me. I hear people say (SW, etc) how can you live alone with DD??? Well, what am I supposed to do? She is mine, her father cares little, I have drunk maybe on average every 2-3 weeks - what do I do??

I am off work and going for a bike ride and a meeting today. I don't know the best thing about work. I don't know anyone (but my sponsor), despite a lot of looking IRL and on MN and thru both health and social services, how to learn from single parents who work full time, care for DC full time with no days or nights off, and feel ok. Because that's where I want to be. And I will go to those AA "at any lenghts" if I could believe it was possible....