Is anyone else DP/DH irresponsible ?

[joanne34]

Just wanted to know if anyone else's DP/DH is irresponsible and quite honestly useless ?

My EX H is, esp where money is concerned.

Well, he is utterly useless at DIY and would far rather write a cheque to get things fixed. Is that the kind of thing you mean?

Irresponsible, no, definately not. I wouldn't have married him if he was. I wanted a real man, a father and a worker, like my own dad.

What's going wrong for you? Are you ok?

Oh Ive been here before complaining about him....

He goes out at least twice a week, comes in at 2am ( average )

Baby has had temperature all week, he looked after him on tuesday, managed not to give him any calpol or nurofen all day !!

Poor thing was burning up when i got home.
( i took him to dr's yesterday and he now has antibiotics)

Assumes I will always pick them up ( ds1 and ds2) while he sods off to pub, and then doesnt answer my texts or phonecalls until i threaten finishing it or chucking him out !

He came in a 2am last night and is supposed to be going out tonight.

I came into work today even though ive had minimal sleep all week because of the sick baby. He took day off to look after baby.

I have to constantly remind him to regularly take baby's temperature, feed him, give him drinks.

Stop making empty threats, that would be a start

This bloke needs a short, sharp shock

I hope you give it to him

If not, see you on the next thread

My DH is definitely not irresponsible but just wanted to say that your situation sounds tough.
Any ideas what you are going to do about it?

Joanne What's he like if you talk to him about it? Does he listen? Does he recognise that you are unhappy with some of the things he does/ does not do?

I know Anyfucker I know !

Rubyred how about this ?

I was thinking of not going home tonight ?? Some of his own medicine ? Check into a premier inn close by.... ??

Ive threatened to do this before and he said to me that he was cacking himself !

I threw the collander this morning and it smashed into pieces on the kitchen floor... I am so angry and very very tired.

Pickgo - yes he listens or pretends to, he is very passive and lazy ! He has always been a social person though.... its just the not answering my texts and calls, I dont think he realises now bad that is....

No.

Because I would never ever stay with a person like this.

I don't act that way to my husband so I won't take it in return.

joanne, joanne, joanne, he is taking the absolute piss here.

Was he still having his 2am, twice weekly nights out after the first child was born? Because if he was, that would have been the time to chuck him out.

Even if he isn't seeing anyone, he is acting like a single guy. The hotel sounds good, apart from the fact that you can't trust him to take good enough care of the kids, one of whom is sick.

What does he bring to your life, other than stress?

Perfumedlife - Very good final question ! of which I cannot answer ! :(

I agree with Perfumed, I wouldn't want to leave him with the DC's to look after. You'd be better off going to stay with friend/relative with the DC's so you can get a help with looking after them

S he listens, but doesn't follow thro by changing his behaviour? Is that right?
If so, then I suppose you have to decide how much his behaviour is bothering you.
Is it a deal breaker?
If he doesn't change can you accept carrying on as you are?

I dont really have anyone to stay with, all my relatives are 300 miles away.

My ds1 is from a previous marriage. so this is DP's first child.

I think not going home is the only thing that is going to work..... if I take the kids then he will bugger off out again !

I texted him to ask if he was going out later, and he said I said he wasnt allowed........ ? Not sure I believe he wont disappear once ive fallen asleep.

He does listen and he sees me upset, but I dont think he will ever stop being sociable ! But why till 2am ? It affects his work too !

I find the stress a dealbreaker, but what to do ????

But you are not asking him not to be sociable are you? Just to reign it in a bit so that it's compatible with family life?
I'd draw up a list of reasonable requests eg out once a week until 12, read up on baby books to look after them properly, look after DCs for Sat am so that you get some time to yourself too. Be as specific as you can.
If you know that you can't keep going as you are then you're in a very strong position, in that you have made up your mind things have to change or it's over. Once that has been communicated then you have a clear criteria to assess his efforts at change and a clear plan if nothing happens?
At the mo it sounds like he's paying you lip service and you need to make him take you seriously. You have to show him you mean business.

Are you his wife of his babysitter? Honestly, you need a serious chat with him.

How much is he spending when he goes out until 2am so often?

Why does he not want to spend time with you and the family?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Does he make you happy?

My DH does this, but it's usually 3am or 4am. About once a fortnight so perhaps not as frequently as yours. Very annoying. Although he wouldn't do it if DS was poorly, and is a good H and Dad in all other respects so if this is the only 'bad' thing he does.....just can't see why he wants to stay out so late!

I am focusing on the negative.

The positives;
He does look after kids while I swim on saturday and sunday.

He takes ds1 to school on tues and thurs. and collects on tues.

He takes ds2 to MIL on thursdays too.

He does what I ask/tell him to do, but I have to ask/tell him all the time.... its like a third ds !

He does wash up, but thats about it !

I am a very busy person and he is the absolute opposite.

Yes I want to spend the rest of my life with him, he is very intelligent and fun to be with ( hence the big kid )

No I dont want to be his skivey for the rest of my life !

He doesnt know when the party ends... I was the same before DC's.

I am doing too much for him !

Berri He does come in later than 2am, infact tonight probably would have been a sleep over !
Shame he's not going now !

I still dont know whether to go home or not.... I have to pick up DS1 from club later anyway and take him home.

He stays out all night, after the pub?

Where does he stay?

This is not right, he has a family, he is supposed to be there, things can happen, kids can fall ill very, very rapidly.

Why is this acceptable to you Joanne, are you afraid of sounding like the nagging party pooper?

I'm sorry op but htis is absolutely ridiculous! What the hell has happened to you in your life to make you think that this is what love looks like?????!!!!!!!

What ever is wrong with you I suggest you get it put right before your poor children grow up beleiving the same.

well said LadyTramaine.

Yes I am thank you very much...

He is more responsible than me regarding certain things like keeping the kids safe. I tend to be a bit laissez-faire and sometimes I think it freaks him out a little. When it comes to doing chores and taking responsibility for keeping things ticking over in the house - he's not great, no But getting better.

no my OH is home every night with me. we have our own outside interests but not ones that involve being out until 2am. think he once came back after midnight following a work christmas and having had a rubbish time.

we've been married over 7 years.

So what do I do ?????

Yes I dont want to keep nagging him, it makes me just as depressed.

My mum always pandered to my dad...... ????!

DP dad left when he was 18 months, and his mother was a bit of a hippy, very sociable, lodger in the house, aupairs looking after him.... I wondered if it was his up bringing ?

what is his job? is he a musician photographer or artist of some sort? I am not making excuses but just try to understand what type of person he is and why social / night life is so important to him
(sounds like he is a caner, also does sound a funny guy because you genuinely dont seem to be as fucked off as you should be)