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Original poster

Is anyone else DP/DH irresponsible ?

101 replies

joanne34 · 21/01/2011 13:00

Just wanted to know if anyone else's DP/DH is irresponsible and quite honestly useless ?

OP posts:
nogreatexpectations · 21/01/2011 19:37

What sort of thing does he do "when he explodes" ?

Original poster
joanne34 · 21/01/2011 19:47

He has never lost his temper. But i am quite scared atm.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/01/2011 19:51

He is in a bad mood now, and looks like he wants to throttle me ! I think I have been winding him up, keeping on about stuff since I got in, so im staying quiet now

this bloke is sounding less and less like an overgrown toddler and more like an abusive bully Sad

nogreatexpectations · 21/01/2011 20:28

Are you seriously scared?

Is he still going out this evening? Is there any evidence of him having pulled his weight around the house? Did he opt to stay home and how keen was he to send you to work so that he could stay home?

Original poster
joanne34 · 21/01/2011 20:53

DP has calmed down now, i have bathed baby and am going to bed asap !

No he has done sod all, all day. Thats why I was going on at him.

I told him to stay at home because I had a ton on at work, and ds2 wasnt well enough for the nursery.

No he is not going out tonight.

Feel a bit shell shocked now, his change in behaviour has given me an eye opening.....

I do deserve better than this....

Im signing off now... hoping to get some sleep....

OP posts:
Original poster
joanne34 · 22/01/2011 10:07

So, here I am another weekend morning up whilst dp is still in bed !

I could write a list of things that need to change, but im not sure I see the point ?

Ok, so to do nothing is the easy option. Thinking it's me being sensitive or mental ( as dp would say).

Thinking what he was like when we first met and he had his own place,he was still very student like, going out, doing his washing once a week.

He used to do more for me though, and has definitely got lazier, well that would me doing it all for him !

Anyway, DS1 goes to his Dads later on today, so I think we should discuss DP moving back to his mums for a month and see how it goes ?

The difficult bits are sorting out the logistics of childcare on certain days, I am also going to look into what financial help I would get if I went it alone.

Half of me wants to forget it all, but it's just not fair is it ? and as much as I dont want to fail at another relationship, and disappoint my parents again, I cannot let myself be treated as a mug anymore !

I just cant !

OP posts:
Gay40 · 22/01/2011 11:02

Why, for fuck's sake, do women shack up with these idiots in the first place.

Original poster
joanne34 · 22/01/2011 11:12

Because other than lazy, he is a nice man.

Or was..... :(

OP posts:
Original poster
joanne34 · 22/01/2011 11:13

BTW Financially I'd be screwed !

' Great ' !

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 11:14

Never mind how you got into this position, joanne

Take some posiive steps to get out of it. Before you turn around in 10 years time, o find yourself more worn down, resentful, damaged and that your children have learned that this is how healthy relationships work and seek out similar ones themselves

It isn't too late.

You don't have to stay with this useless man.

Get ou of this bed you have made, and find a beer way. Your parents may be disappointed initially, but this isn't their life, it is yours, and your children's.

Good luck.

Those small steps you are planning to take sound like a very good start. I think it is good that he goes to his mother's. Your mind will be clearer to think about what you really want.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 11:15

a beer way ?

a better way

sorry, my t key is fecked

expatinscotland · 22/01/2011 11:15

I wonder that all the time.

'He's a great dad' 'He's a nice man'.

Who's lazy, selfish, has zero respect for anyone except himself, an alcoholic/drug user/partier/whatever, a bully who doesn't want the family he created.

What is nice about that?

Ditch him and get a dog.

molemesseskilledIpom · 22/01/2011 11:25

Yes.

EXP, is useless. He cant even keep in contact with the kids on a regular basis.

I'm getting to the point now of either, talk to them at the weekend or dont talk to them at all and just sod off.

TWUNT!

Original poster
joanne34 · 22/01/2011 11:54

yes there is a beer way too anyfucker !

:)

OP posts:
TimeForACHEEKYWine · 22/01/2011 12:14

You say you could blame his upbringing.

My mum and dad divorced when i was 4. My mum left me with anyone who would babysit whilst she swanned off to the pub, smoking weed, taking whizz with her then boiyfriend. I think i had more than 30 babysitters in my life time and also was left with an ex peadaphile who raped a women when he was younger. But it was alright he was out of prison now Confused

Didnt know about that until i was old enough mind, my dad told me - Dad didnt know half of our upbringing.

dont blame upbringing because if behaviour is to do with that then i would be out every night, all night, all weekend. I dont go out i am not the women my mother was.

He is just a lazy arse who needs a kick up the backside.

balena · 22/01/2011 15:43

My DH is an appalling procrastinator, which I see as a form of irresponsibility. Can't see the point of being organised and doing things in advance (i.e. so that you avoid stressful crunches). Leaves me to always be the one to motivate and push important jobs (e.g. getting nursery ready for our first child) to make sure they get done. Frustrates the crap out of me and in danger of turning me into a horrendous nag at times (but I wouldn't have to be if he just had a bit more sense).

A lot of men are just like this ? they can't see the blatantly obvious thing that needs to get done in front of their nose. As I get older, I realise that DH is unlikely to change. He can't handle even mild criticism when I tell him that this pisses me off. He is lovely in most other respects and I do love him very much.

Our baby is due in 4 weeks ? although keen, I am a bit worried he too won't have common sense about basic safety and care.

Sounds like you have it a lot worse though ? I do sympathise and know how frustrating it is.

Perhaps it is a generational thing. My DH obviously never had to do much in the house when a child due to his over-indulgent mother. Women need to bring their sons up to take more domestic responsibility.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 17:01

Perhaps it is a generational thing. My DH obviously never had to do much in the house when a child due to his over-indulgent mother. Women need to bring their sons up to take more domestic responsibility.

And you are perpetuating this "generatioal thing" by bringing a child into a home where the male role model is allowed to get away wih having no idea about "basic safety and care"

Over-indulgent mother straight to over-indulgent wife ?

I am struggling to understand how you would have a baby with a man like that Confused

I hope he bucks his ideas up...for your sake.

balena · 22/01/2011 17:11

Anyfucker, I am struggling to understand how you would have a baby with a man like that

what an incredibly judgemental response. You do not know me or my husband, his good points or my bad points. If all of us refused to breed with flawed people there would be no-one in the world, full stop.

expatinscotland · 22/01/2011 17:11

'I am struggling to understand how you would have a baby with a man like that '

Same here.

I'd have dumped someone like that in the dating stage because they're too much like hard work and well, I've already got a job, thanks muchly.

As for generational thing, a crock of shit excuse.

As Time says, adults are in charge of their own behaviour. Only arseholes use their umpbringing as an excuse to piss take.

expatinscotland · 22/01/2011 17:13

Flawed is one thing. Unwilling to change because it's your way or the highway is another.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 17:16

you put it out there, balena

you say you are concerned he wouldn't employ basic safety and care around a newborn baby

did you think no-one would comment on that ?

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 17:18

and yes, I do judge a man that can't be trusted to care for a newborn baby

so should everyone else

balena · 22/01/2011 18:21

Well, I don't think I will bother sharing my thoughts on such issues in future if all I'm doing is exposing myself to the kneejerk judgementalism and unkindness of strangers.

You lot may live in a world where we can all live without love, warmth, companionship and sex until someone totally flawless and perfect, who we will never find frustrating or annoying, comes along but most of us don't. Most of us have to take the rough with the smooth (as he has with me, as well).

Ladies, I do not have to defend my choice of a partner to you or anyone else.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/01/2011 18:31

balena,

But if he is as irresponsible as you claim him to be, why are you letting him get away with him procrastinating like this?. You are not his mother, why pander to him so?. A DH who cannot ultimately step up to the plate puts him - and you - in a bad light.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/01/2011 18:32

Flawless and perfect does not exist but there are plenty of responsible men out there who certainly do their bit for their family unit.

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