Is anyone else DP/DH irresponsible ?

[joanne34]

Just wanted to know if anyone else's DP/DH is irresponsible and quite honestly useless ?

Joanne

Getting back to you.

What are you going to do, the ball is very much in your court. This man of yours won't ever change.

I advised you to reclaim your life, I hope to goodness you take that advice before its too late.

Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied. You are currently badly accompanied.

So expecting an adult person to, well, act like an adult is equivalent to flawless and perfect.

Yeah, I'm glad I don't live in that world, because mine's full of love, companionship, warmth and sex in a partnership where we are both adults and act as such.

The only people we parent are our children.

Really, the best we can hope for is that over time, these feckless cockwaving morons will become infertile, leaving only responsible mature men to reproduce.
I didn't say anything about flawless.

I think I love you, Gay.

I think I do too GAY !

is it too much to ask for evolution to at least help out?

balena, I agree with you

I think it best you don't share any more details of how shit your partner is

lest he be judged wanting

Oh dear oh dear and theres me thinking you lot were Ladies ???!!

Actually Balena, Thankyou for your reply, I do sometimes think I am the only person that moans about my other half.

Attila;

Re my mum and Dad, she panders to him, because thats what women used to do..... he worked, she stayed home, looked after the kids, he bought in the wage, worked hard all his life, and loves my mum unconditionally.
He would die for her.... yes he can talk aload of rubbish and he gets stressed over the smallest thing, he has his flaws like EVERYONE, but he was a great dad and as far as I can see a loving, caring, hard working husband.
My mum doesnt like an argument, doesnt like confrontation.... something that used to wind me up !

Now she has parkinsons (quite advanced) and scoliosis, he has glaucoma and is not allowed to drive. They live 3 miles from the nearest post office and 4 miles from the docters. My dad cycles to the dr's for prescriptions and takes the bus to town for other things.... he does what she cant.... she still cooks for him :)

Anyway, I digress....

Okay, I know this is going to cause a stink, but Im going to say it anyway... please note I am just asking a question that has been playing on my mind, alot, I am asking this question with politness.

If you have perfect relationships, why do you spend so much time on a forum that to be honest, makes me very sad and depressed ?

If I didnt have concerns over my relationship, I would not be spending time here.

Balena - Procrasinator is definitely what my DP is !!!

You say alot of men are like this ?

Well my Dad wouldnt have had a clue how to look after the kids, if he was left alone with them.... when i was born at home the midwife asked for a razor ( to shave my mum) and he went running off, only to come back with a stanley knife ! Did my mum start screaming at him for his incompetence ? No both her and the midwife were in histerics :)

If I phone my Dad now with a problem, he says
' I'll get your mum ' :)

Also you only see one side of the story here. My side.

I am not a good communicator, I tend to get stressed and start barking orders, I do the same at work and have been put on stress/anger management courses before

I think I'll write a list of DP's good and bad points and mine.

DP
1)Changed his working hours to look after baby.
2)Takes ds1 and ds2 re childcare twice a week.
3) Fancies me and always wants me
4)Does what I asked him to do.
5)Very good cook
6)Intelligent
7)listens to radio 4
8)Is always positive.
9)Great S3x
10)Is happy for me to go out whenever I want.
11)Always wants to hug me
12)Loves going out and doing stuff
13)Loves being active (cycling etc)
14)Plays wii with ds1 and park etc, in fairer
weather though....
15) Was surprisingly amazing when I gave birth !! Really !
16) Puts up with my moodswings and general barking

1)Lazy
2) I have to ask him to do things
3) never makes me tea in bed... ever
4) Isnt very thoughtful
5) Would rather stay up late and get up late ( i am opposite )
6)Needs to clean his teeth more ofter ( laziness again)
7) Stinky feet !
8) Is messy ( laziness again )
9) Goes out till silly o'clock ! Grrrr
10) Has got worse since he has been in his current job re going out !
11) causes me too much stress

Pmsl @ "listens to Radio 4" :o

Whats wrong with Radio 4 ? (that was one of his good points :) )

It's one of the best things DP has introduced me to....

My faves are ' Excess Baggage' ' Dessert island discs' 'Just one minute'

Womens hour is quite honestly extremely patrionising.

I have learnt more from Radio 4 in the past few years than I have watching the news or reading papers... and the dramas they have a brill too :)

Try it ?

Nothing is wrong with Radio 4.

Do they have a programme called Which of These Things is not a Good Indicator of Character??

If so, might be worth a listen.

Oh right, I see.... hmmm I thought it was a good indication on character.....??

Maybe its just because my nan used to listen to it.

Who said they have a perfect relationship ???

I just think it is bloody stupid to "know" how shit your partner is and that your unequal relationship with him is a product of his upbringing and then do things exactly the same way yourself

So you acknowledge a pattern, but do nothing to break it, effectively passing shit lessons along to your children.

Wha is the point of complaining then ?

What AnyFucker said.

You come on here, talk about how shit he is (because he is) then when folks acknowledge that, you get all worked up and defend how wonderful he is and insult other people.

Whatever!

Sounds like you two were made for each other if you could get your head round the fact that he's not going to change.

Enjoy your life!

Balena and Joanne - I think posters have genuinely been trying to help. You may not agree with their responses (though I do) but please take the advice in the spirit in which it was given. They are trying to challenge, constructively, rather than pander. These kinds of conversations are worth their weight in gold.

I sympathise deeply with your situations and have a similar decision to make. Fwiw I think you have to see whether DP is likely to change anything in list 2. If not then you need to look at list 1 and list 2 and decide which are more important to you. If the prospects broadly outweigh the negatives then you can try to think of strategies to improve list 2. It doesn't matter whether the lists equate to anyone else's lists or not. The question is whether YOU can live with them and whether they make YOU happy.

I thought that this thread had some brilliant advice.

good luck.

No no, I didnt mean to offend anyone, and I wasnt throwing away your advice. I was just adding to my thread thats all.

I tend to type before I have thought.

Im sorry that you read it that way.

We talked yesterday but minutes after I posted yesterday morning, he was up and cleaning, all weekend he has been up and pulling his weight.

We shall see though.

I bother any of you anymore though.

I wont bother ( i mean, cat trying to get on keyboard)

Joanne,

You dig your own hole if you stay with this manchild. He certainly loves going out and doing stuff!!!.

I asked you what you got out of this relationship and your reply was basically not a lot.

What does that tell you about this relationship?.

Would you want your children to have a relationship like yours?. No?. Well what you are teaching them is this is currently acceptable to you.

He always doeswhat you ask him to do?

But he didn't give calpol when it was needed did he? Or come home before 2am?

People ask me what's the point of ds going to university
I always say life skills
yes he might do a pointless arts degree if that's his choice but he'll learnhow to look after himself . Just like I did and my dh when we got Married knew how to usea washing machine and cook

Incidently I like you joanne , don't go, there's more to mumsnet than depressing threads and you've got agreat sense of humour

Ha! life skills at uni ! more like beer and bong skills !

Pointless arts degree ?? Thats nice !

My DP went to uni !!!

Attila I was just trying to add to the thread, thats the whole point of two people attending mediation, two get both perspectives....

I am just saying I need to adjust my behaviour too.