Link here to some of back story.
I am due to return to work in April following a years Maternity Leave with my (very unplanned) dc5.
Thanks to MN,I woke up to the abusive "relationship" I was in with her "father",and there has been no contact since she was a week old.
I moved to this rural town with my dc shortly before becoming pg,2 yrs ago.Previously,we lived in an even more isolated,rural area where all my toxic family also live.Moving here was another attempt to distance us from them.
I am a regular on Stately Homes and the NPD thread.I thought I was fairly sorted re contact with my parents.
Over Christmas,so many things have gone wrong with the house- pipes,floods,electrics,boiler etc.Even after Insurance,I will need to find a lot of money to make the house good.I have a huge mortgage.I am up to my ears in dc.My salary barely covers our outgoings.
I have lots of unpaid bills.
If we moved 50 mile south,I could buy a house similar to ours for a third of the price,albeit in a slightly less "desirable" area (not an issue for me,btw)
I could commute to work on the motorway and aim to drop my hours to three days a week,thereby getting time at home with baby dd.
We would be on a train line to a major city,20 mins away.My eldest dd's are mixed race and want to live in a more culturally diverse part of the country.Also,they will be off to college in a few years.It would be good if the younger 3 dc and I were not too far away to support them.
I would like to research the possibility and practicalities of making this move.It would be convenient to sort it soon - before I am back at work,and before dd1 begins GCSE yr 11 in September.
I am considering cutting my losses with a quick sale.
It is very hard carrying all this alone.The logistics will be a nightmare.I do have friends here who will help as much as they can.I know people in the new area who will help.
I have just outlined some of the above in a phone call to my mother.Predictably,it became all about them,from the start:
How could I put my dc through another upheaval.
How can I deprive them of their g'dc.
Who am I to keep buying,selling,moving and messing around with my dc and parents' lives...
She then went on the "you have always been such a problem to this family,look what you've done to your brothers over the years"
I (uselessly)pointed out that my b's refuse contact with me as they "disapprove" of my "unconventional" life choice.
A tirade of nastiness poured down the phone,denying everything - it's all me,and she won't talk about it as I have hurt her so much already, apparently.
So,another good reason to get going.
Please can I ask for support - encouragement,advice -both for and against my plan ,and a place to put my thoughts and feelings during all this?
I am able to take it if you feel I am making the wrong decision,or should wait.
But I feel like I want to go tonight.....