I've posted on here before (can't find thread I started) and basically my DH sounds like TSC's twin. I call him 'fun dad', as he's great at the fun stuff with the kids, but is off on another planet when it comes to prioritising family over his personal needs/ambitions etc.
Our major complication is that SIL will probably die from cancer this year, and FIL is in a nursing home with dementia. Now that SIL is dying 
, he is in regular txting contact with her (she's out a LOT and you can never get her at home).
On my pervious thread, opinions seemed a bit polar - "he's a wanker - LEAVE HIM!", to me being targeted as an SAHM martyr - micromanaging him too much;interfering in his family life etc.
I've gone away and thought abuot stuff a bit, chatted a bit with DH ans changed some stuff in my life:
- I'm a bit unemployable (SAHM 5 years), so I've arranged a years P/T work experinece in my field, at pretty much my old grade. It fits in around DS2's (free) playgroup hours and I've forced DH to take the Friday afternoon off that he's supposed to (employers cannot affored his diaried hours so he gets time off instead, although he's never taken it
.
- I occasionally ask how SIL and the IL's are doing, but I never hassle him about contact.
- I still do all the housework, but I don't do DH's ironing (not that it was much, he weras a uniform at work most days).
Being back at work is helping - I can see that there is the worry of what people think when you are P/T and take additional time off when you are sick or the kids are sick.
The kids are at an age now (Yr 1 and pre-school) where life has finally reached an even keel - I think the worst of the early years are over. God, I hated it.
I definitely don't want to leave DH, but I'm so emotionally shut down (= shutting him out) that I do see he's, well, shut out.
When we talked about this (and it has taken MONTHS to get this far),I can see that I have been hurt so badly by his repeated selfishness that I'm shutting him out to avoid feeling so hurt again. He admitted last week that his previous actions were deplorable - but I have spent months trying to get him to walk a mile in my shoes. The scenario was that I would tell him how hurt I was, and he would retort that I was 'twisting/manipulating' things. I felt that because I couldn't see the situation his way then I was obviously wrong. I don't think DH is being deliberately mean; I think in his head if he admits he hurt me, then that is an action he finds very hard to live with so he denies there is any hurt in the first place (ooh, my pop psychology 
)
I'm finding it all really oppressive. if anything nice happens ( a meal etc) then DH will be verbally OTT (oh that was nice, was it nice, see? we can have fun, when are we doing it again, let's plan to go out next week, shall I book it now.......... he goes onandonandonandon......... Coupled with being all over me. Too much.
If I go out with my girlfriends then he gets all huffy because we 'never' go out. We do, but I like to be home by 11pm just in case DS2 (who's started night-training himself) needs a wee. DH also gets a bit obnoxious when pissed and has a tendancy to go on and on about work. He never plans to go out with his mates.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm just not a coherent poster on MN. It's probably not making much sense.