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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fitting in, or not.

89 replies

IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 17:01

I have had a good clean and tidy up in the kitchen today in between making bread, rich tea biscuits, chocolate muffins and a roast dinner. Having just been looking for somewhere to put a pile of stuff that I need to sort it dawned on me that it is representative of me feeling I have no place in this house, family, world.

I could hazard a guess at why I feel like this but I just feel sad that I have felt it at this moment, even though I have probably always felt it.

Confused
OP posts:
ninah · 09/01/2011 17:04

sounds like you've been overdoing the baking
let mr kipling share the load

WherecanIhide · 09/01/2011 17:04

What's your family situation?

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 17:06

I enjoyed all the baking as I have been too ill to do any for a few weeks.

I am married. Have 3 children. I have other relatives in the world but I don't talk as if I do as they have never wanted anything to do with me. Though my mother threatened to get access to my children.

OP posts:
ninah · 09/01/2011 17:07

no wonder you're feeling rubbish
but your dh and dc must love you a lot?

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 17:09

They do. I just feel like I would like someone to do something for me today. I kind of want to explore this feeling in the hope that I will be able to deal with it and move on, but then I don't want to make it an issue if it isn't Confused.

OP posts:
ninah · 09/01/2011 17:13

know what you mean
tell dh how you feel?

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 17:17

I told him. He said I do things that don't need doing. I have spent a lot of time this week sorting out all the lego. Putting the right bits together in their boxes, making a note of what is missing and have also bought some storage for the random bricks which came in a big box. I know it didn't need doing but I hoped it would make the kids appreciate it more and play with it. I also spend a lot of time doing what needs doing and have just started a massive pile of ironing.

OP posts:
NannyState · 09/01/2011 17:20

The lego-sorting sounds bordering on obssessiveness.

Are you bored? (genuine question).

BooBooGlass · 09/01/2011 17:21

I think he has a point as far as the doing stuff that doens't need doing really. A genuine question, do you enjoy being a martyr to the baking? WHy do you do it if all it does is pee you off that noone appreciates it?

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 17:26

Not obsessed. Just wanted to sort it out as they got lots of lego for xmas and I know it would just get lost. Definitely not bored. That doesn't happen with 3 kids, several animals and volunteer work to do.

I am also not a martyr about anything. I enjoy baking and love seeing my children enjoy what I make. I wasn't fed as a kid, go figure.

I am pretty sure I didn't say I was peed off no one appreciated my cooking.

OP posts:
TDada · 09/01/2011 17:43

would be nice if he showed some appreciation and understanding?

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 17:44

fab, you fit in

if you expect endless appreciation from your family for all you do, you are being unrealistic

mums are just there in normal families, that is how it should be, as frustrating as it can be at times

you didn't get that example from your upbringing so I can see how you would sruggle with that

sometimes I feel like I am here for everyone else's convenience IYSWIM

but what I do is I tell them, I make them notice me and make sure I don't feel aken for granted, no-one else will do it for me

but if you do the baking because you enjoy it, just enjoy it and do it for you

it is a nice feeling to see your family enjoy the fruits of your labour, but make sure it doesn't come with conditions

if it does, don't do it

ps. I like home-baked goodies, send some my way Smile

ninah · 09/01/2011 17:46

maybe you are trying so hard to make everything perfect and create the family life that you missed out on that you are exhausting yourself

MyBrilliantCareer · 09/01/2011 17:47

What do you mean - you feel like you have no place in this house, family, world?

You have a family and a home, and you're a huge part of why that exists and works.

There's some bigger underlying issue, non?

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 17:48

I sometimes think the best upbringing you can get is where you do take your parents for granted

that you trust, they are just there and always will be

that you can be a bit blase about all the work that goes into raising a family

because what is the alternative ?

you need to speak to your DH hough, if you feel he is overlooking your worth

BEAUTlFUL · 09/01/2011 18:30

There is really no need to bake you own ich Tea biscuits. McVities Rich Tea biscuits are already a perfect thing, beyond comparison.

I used to feel like that when I was married. Your DH is right, you are spending your time doing stuff that won't get noticed. What would you like to do? Do that.

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 19:01

This really wasn't about getting appreciation for what I do for my husband and children. It is about feeling whether I have a place anywhere. My mother didn't want me when I was born. My father didn't want me before I was born. I had a relationship that was huge and I never expected to be with anyone else. I feel my children belong in the Fab family as they are born MrFab's whereas I am only a Fab because I married one.

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 19:02

AF - I once baked some muffins and they were on the way to a mumsnetter by 9.30 but she said they were a bit dry Sad. I could maybe try Biscuits by post?

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 19:03

I baked the biscuits as dh chose them as he isn't really a muffin fan.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 09/01/2011 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 09/01/2011 19:27

You sound like you need a job. You sound very bored.

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 19:35

I already do voluntary work and I don't get why people think I am bored Confused.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 19:57

fab...you are a "Fab" because you belong there

you earned your place, and more

some people never "earn" anything...they drift around without giving very much

you are not that person

Original poster
IAmReallyFabNow · 09/01/2011 20:00

Thank you AF BlushSmile. BTW I feel Blush about the last PM I sent you. You didn't reply and I felt it might have been TMI. Sorry.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 20:13

I don't remember any last pm, fab

if I didn't reply it may be because I felt I has said all I needed to say, not because of any other reason

don't you worry about me Smile

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