Help - my world is falling apart

[tomorrowsanotherday]

I have been with DP for nearly 8 years now and we were about to start trying for a baby in a few months time.
I love him to pieces and I thought he felt the same about me.
He is not from this country but has had the right to live here permanently for the last 6 years or so, so no question of him only being with me for that.
My battery on my mobile is dead and I just used his mobile to send a text. Found a message written in his native language that is very sexually explicit.
I am distraught but haven't let on that I have seen it yet.
What do I do?
I suffered from severe depression several years ago and in the last few months it has been rearing its head again.
Twice this week I have come home from work and cried for hours.
This is at the worst possible time.
Please someone talk to me

Shocking. I suppose you find John Pilger an acceptable person.

Noone's intentions are racist, the OP is going through a shite time and people with experience are giving advice. Complain all you like, I'm sure you'll be ignored.

how did you stumble across this thread, EP ?

you are entitled to your opinion, EP

bTw, did MNHQ get back to you about those posts you reported ?

Oh this is the tip of the iceburg EP, dashed off for speed, but there is ooohh so much more...

so anytime you want more anecdotes from the old country of Masr... Do let me know eh?, I've got sack loads of them...

LittleMiss:

You did say that 'Egyptian women do X Y and Z', which I imagine is why EP is upset. I think she's right, to be honest. I'd feel the same way if everyone with my nationality was categorised with such a derogatory blanket statement.

No and I don't think we need any more of your bitter anecdotes, thanks. Maybe we could get back to the original OP.

Different parts of the world have different cultures. LittleMiss is sharing her experiences here, it doesn't make her a racist.

OK I understand what you're saying, but while you probably met a lot of people during your three years there you are still not qualified to state a fact about all Egyptian women. I don't think that's helpful.

Shouldn't this thread be about trying to help the OP?

"LittleMiss is sharing her experiences here, it doesn't make her a racist."

No of course it doesn't, but using your experiences as rationale for making blanket statements about all members of that culture is getting into danger territory.

It was Belle.

Tomorrowsanotherday - do not get distracted by the turn of your thread. You Do need to hear what the more experienced people are advising you.

And no: this thread is not populated by racist nitwits.

I think littlemiss has spent a lot of her time trying to help the op
I have many experiences of different nationalities which are not what I would accept. I have many Iranian friends, some wives are happy to be a typical Iranian wife and some are not. Some of my Iranian male friends are not ideal husband material.
Sometimes there is something you can recognise and offer advice about. That's not racist it's empathy

The OP's asked for help, this isn't helping her spatch.

Op: I'm so sorry for what you are going through. To be honest, I wouldn't have a baby with this man. You need to think about what it is that you want to do, no one on here can tell you. Have you spoken to him and asked him what's going on?

I could get you a translation op if you dm me

OP - Anyfucker was wise when she said you have been with this man since 16 and depressed since 17. You need to investigate this. You need to forget all about having a baby at the moment. Why are you so keen for a baby? What do you think that you will gain from it? Please not that it will make you happy and take your depression away? Life will only get harder after a baby and if your P is prone to being unfaithful, it is all the more likely to happen after you have a baby.

Cross cultural relationships are terribly hard. You do not really know this man I'm sorry to say, to really know someone when you don't understand the mother tongue that they speak with their family and don't know the culture that they have grown up in is tremendously difficult. Even if he does love and cherish you he probably feels tremendous internal, if not external pressure about marrying "out" of his religion and culture. He doesn't need you for papers but are you sure you haven't been very useful for him in other ways? It's possible his family are condoning your relationship as you help him improve his English and his way around the country but they very much want him to marry "in". My work has taken me all over the world, I have worked closely with several Iranian men, none of them have been faithful to their wives even though outward appearance of being family men is tremendously important to them, I don't say that ALL Iranian men are like this but you need to understand what's really happening in his world. Why for instance have you not tried to learn Farsi by now?

Anyway, it sounds like you need to grab the bull by the horns, do lots of exercise to help tackle the depression and the weight, fill yourself with healthy food and find some meaning in this world besides bringing a baby into a most undesirable situation. Wish you all the very best for a bright future.

Thank you Flight and Spatchcock. Finally some voices of reason. Reading through this thread again I'm flabbergasted by the kind of comment about people of other nationalities that posters find acceptable. Maligning all Egyptian women in such a nasty and bitter way seems to me to go against the spirit of Mumsnet.

Not to mention all the flippant insults and sarcasm directed at you.

Unbelievable - and from people I had thought were salt of the earth.

tomorrows - I hope you are ok. You last posted at 23.04 last night when you were worried that your partner wanted to know who you were talking to.

And no, I do not believe, from my experience that you can blanket whole populations of a country - I think LittleMiss was not meaning to be purposely racist; bad choice of words based on her own 3 year experience of living in a country, and the particular people she came across. I was married to a man from the Middle East; I never came across any less than honourable behaviour; his family were lovely people and the women were treated with respect and were educated women -(I am not a muslim but I am pretty certain the Koran does not state women should not be treated with respect and I think emphasises that it is very important to educate women.........). I diverse.

If you can, please just get back and post you are okay as you came on here with a problem that many on here have feared they face. I can understand that this may not be possible; if it is not, best wishes to you in the meantime. Take care.